Handling a rude or uncaring server?

I think we have all had our share of rude servers, and I was wondering how you handle it? In general I usually try to stay pretty calm, and just ask for what I need, but I make a point to let the chef know. In almost every instance that I have had really rude service I never went back to the restuarant.

Recently spoke to a good friend who ate at a long time favorite in Chicago. On the way out of the restuarant the server stopped him in the middle of the dinning room (really) and in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear asks "was there a problem with the service?" He said no and the server proceeded to ask "well then why did you leave me so a small tip" (remember this is in the middle of the restaurant and everyone can hear). My friend is a good tipper and told her that unless he made an error he doesn't think that he left a small tip. The server holds up the credit card slip and shows him the tip. My friend politely points out to the server that his name is Vince and the signature on the slip is Chris. It was another table. Funniest thing I ever heard.

I refuse to leave a tip and notify one of the personnel of the rude server.

P.S. Nicko, I sent you an email to contact ALLIEDKENCO.COM for information on smokers.

-T

When someone's rude to me, I give it right back to 'em.

I talk to the foh manager. It's worked the few times I've had to do it. Otherwise, I leave a poor tip- usually 5-10%.

One experience I recall was at a local Indian restaurant, my friend and I had just finished, and the waiter took our plates, quickly gave us the check, and told us to pay immediately because there were people waiting for our table. He didn't bother aking us if we were done. I had to tell the manager about that. We obviously left no tip,and never returned.

I will tell a manager about rude service, every time. If the waiter is really obnoxious then I will ask for a different server. I will, though, always leave a tip. If you don't then the waiter may just think that you are an idiot and have forgotten. Leave them $.50, that really sends a message to them, but make sure that you are punishing a waiter for his/her short comings, not for things that may be well beyond their control such as long waits for food, 86'ed items, etc.

I generally talk to the manager when there's a significant problem with a server. MANY times, the manager's a knucklehead, too. I suppose I'm justifying bad behavior on the part of servers, but if there's no training or support from management, the job can be very frustrating.

As an FOH manager, I try to listen to each server at their tables, to read their body language,etc. You can tell when a server is taking an attitude to the table. I also look over charge tips during check-out. If a server is consistently being tipped at or below average, it's worth a conversation.

The tip anecdote is hilarious. That server should have been terminated.

Rude to server = altered food

My husband always tells me to wait until after our meal to make any complaints so our food is not "de-filed" in any way. We usually just leave a poor tip although his idea of a bad tip and my idea of one are very different. He starts everyone off at 20% at goes down from there, I start at the bottom and they earn their increase upto 20%.

That's an interesting observation. Until I read that, I didn't stop to consider that I approach tipping in a similar way as your husband. Thank you for triggering the realization.

<sigh>
I seem to be a poor service magnet. Everyone I know comments on it, and thinks it's hilarious, particularly because of what I do for a living. I'm a pretty tolerant person when it comes down to the place being busy, but HONESTLY!!! I really have no patience for apathy. If you don't want to do the job... don't. Why do I get the server who drops my meal? Or seems to believe it's thier job to demonstrate our table's obvious inferiority to thier divine selves? (Why, yes, I DO actually know how to pronounce gnocchi..)
Why is the only bubblehead in the place who thinks it's ok to be incompetent if you're CUTE always assigned to my section? The stories I could tell...(stroking her grey beard...)
So What Do I Do?
Well, first of all, I don't believe it's a contest between myself and the server, nor am I being paid to train him/her... so I simply don't get into it with them. And the one time it was so bad that I didn't tip at all? <never a good idea to be rude to me...> I went to the hostess station at the front door on my way out and asked to see the manager. When he arrived, the conversation went sorta like this...
"We just finished our meal, and that young man over there was our server. I didn't tip him... and this is why....."

If it happens EVERY time you go out, maybe you should take a look at yourself a bit more to see if there is anything you could be doing to "invoke" bad service. Maybe you are a mean person, or you give off a snobby attitude, I don't know, but if it is indeed every time maybe you should consider more than just the service staff.

And it's great that YOU know how to pronounce gnocci, but not everyone does. Maybe it was a pre-emptive strike on the servers part, because he/she got REALLY tired of people saying they want the sauteed gee-knock-ee.

For example, at the last place I worked we had this really great flavored iced tea we had brewed for the restaurant. It was an "apricot-chardonnay" tea. Really good. But it was the only kind we had (no "regular" iced tea). So, that means that every one that orderedit (unless I knew them) had to be told that our tea was flavored. So after about the 1000000th time someone said, "Oh my, your tea has wine it it?" Or some variation of that, I just started telling people that our tea was apricot flavored.

but hey, just some thoughts, not trying to offend you.

Well...ouch!
Idle curiosity... what do you suggest about a person's personality if you are trying to offend them?
No, I'm not a mean or snobby person... actually, I usually lighten the moment when the server is just having an off day and shows some regret for the error. But the topic was rude, uncaring servers.
As for the pronounciation thing, well, yes, alot of people CAN'T pronounce menu items. But it's been my experience from both sides of the table that your tip is never positively affected by embarrassing your guest.

I suppose that's the joy of written posts... even smileys can't necessarily show tone of voice... my post was meant to be on the light-hearted side.
And yes, I am a poor service magnet. Most of the time it's pretty funny...yet I still feel that if you can't put your personal issues aside long enough to keep from ruining a guests experience, you probably shouldn't be serving.

Quite a few years ago a co-worker friend and I went to a McDonald's for an early lunch. The girl behind the counter was totally rude, obnoxious, and when my friend mentioned he knew the owner, she said something along the lines of "I could care less, if you don't like the service here you don't have to come here".

So we sat down with our food, and the owner saw my friend, and immediately came over to gnosh with us. He actually asked how everything was, and I told him "The server could stand to improve her attitude some!" The owner looked at my friend Brad for confirmation, and Brad just nodded his head and said "It was pretty poor".

We never found out what happened after we left, but I'll never forget the looks on all of the servers behind the counter when they saw the
boss sitting with us!

doc

Iv found that better retuarants tend to have better waiters/waitresses that are willing to work hard for their tips.

Hi Andrew :) Unfortunatly (for me ;) ) I've been finding the opposite is true for myself, in the Chicago area. Since the wife and I have two small children now we don't have as much time to go out to eat as we once did. So, we find a nice trade off is going to nicer establishments.

Most of the time we get good attentive service with pleasing attitudes. Now I'm not asking for much...I generally start (like craftynatalie's husband) at 20%. If there are no major snags during the meal...that's what they get. The waiter/waitress really has to deserve any less (although I may rethink this). If the waiter(ess) is missing throughout the meal or if they've got a major attitude problem I'll leave less than 10% tip. But they've really got to do bad.

I'm not a rich person by any means, but I do love to eat good food. Most times I recieve subpar service or food, I chalk it up to the experience. In the future I may not eat or recommend a certain restaurant. But that's usually the extent of it. I really don't want to sit there and listen to a manager make excuses for the meal I had. I had my experience and now it's over...I'd like to have a cup of coffee now and move on. (As I said) Perhaps I'll rethink this and my tipping method in the future. But most pplaces would still get a decent (20%) tip.

Back on topic:crazy: . I've been eating more and more in downtown Chicago area...and I've noticed just horrible attitudes there. I'm beginning to think it may be something inherent in Chicago dining. This may be a small exageration of my recent experiences, but it does seem like it may be establishing a new trend.

For my birthday, the wife and I usually go out to Le Francais(in Wheeling). But this year we're going to visit Tru. I'm hoping that the poor Chicago service trend has ended. Which...(just guessing) I'm sure it has. I'm looking forward to eating at Tru. Although...;)


dan

We ate at Tru a couple of years ago. The service was sublime and very attentive. Here's the link to the thread: http://www.cheftalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9347

Thanks for the link Mezzaluna. That thread was actually part of the reason I decided to visit Tru opposed to some others :) Thanks!

dan

I had a bad experience the other day, not with my server but with another. We were eating and drinking with some friends and had paid our bill. We sat there for another 20 minutes talking (this is a bar/restaurant). We made sure people weren't waiting for a table. As we got up to leave, my friend said "ready to go?" A server was walking by and commented, "It's about f&*(ing time..." I couldn't actually believe what I was hearing. Anyway, I had had more beers than would serve me in a confrontation so I e-mailed the place the next day. Great response from them and two free meals coming but I won't go back to that location again.

But normally I will just adjust my tip down from 20% and not go back. Even in Pittsburgh, which isn't a food mecca, there are plenty of quality restaurants to choose from .

As for Chicago, we went to Charlie Trotters last summer. The service was excellent. It didn't matter that we told the sommelier we were on a budget for wine, she was very helpful and friendly. Our entire experience was great.

My mom had a very well to do friend.

She would never tip unless it was extreme service. Her comment about it was: "I can at least expect that my food will get from the kitchen to my table, or I can go get it myself."

What happened to 10% tip?

There is one exception: when a "WAITER" waits. The description is: 'wait'. Is attentive to the room, his or her tables. Waits for input. All you have to do is glance at your server and they come to your table to find out what you need. They make the dining experience a "want to do it again" thing. That's what hospitality is all about.

Somebody is mediocre or bad? Do you really believe they deserve a tip? It's reward for being a doof. Maybe if people like that don't get tips maybe they'll get a clue.

I agree about the bad service magnets. I've had similar problems and I'm one of the nicest people you could meet unless you give me BAD SERVICE or a bad attitude! (LOL) Then you get a penny on the table under an upside down full water glass.

If you are in the service hospitality industry I don't give a s*** if you are on your period, broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, got a parking ticket, broke a nail, in the middle of menopause, tired of the same questions about tea, or are just tired of dealing with someone wanting an extra serving of mayo. THAT'S YOUR JOB! If you can't handle being attentive and personable then go do something else.

You will give me the extra pickle, you will smile and bring coffee and offer drinks and make the experience special. I can get all the grumpy I can stand making food at home for my kids. If I go out I want someone else to bring my food from the kitchen and someone else washing the dishes and do it nicely.

I'm a firm believer in doing what you love. Even if it's not what you ultimately want to do, at least like it while you do it. Or if you're a server, at least ACT like you like it. Like waiters in NYC working to support their acting career.

April

April, You just hit 10 on my top ten list of real people. God Bless you !!!

I am one that does not put up with any bull. Straight forward and truthful. Some folks can't stand the truth because they haven't chosen to deal with it and it just keeps pushing them around. Ha Ha Ha ! ! !:lol:

I think that in some cases, the longer a server is there at a particular place, the more comfortable they feel in slacking or jerking customers around. Doesn't say much for the whole establishment really, but in the Restaurant biz the turnover,
as many of us know, is VERY high. Unfortunately it's not always as high as it should be with the wait staff.

I'm a firm believer in the penny tip if the service is terrible, and I usually won't go back, no matter what. However I was taught to place the penny upside down, which might but probably doesn't help get the point across. I don't mind tipping, and if the service is good, I have been known to tip way more than I should.

There's also a thing such as too much "service". I don't like being bugged every 5-10 minutes by someone. It doesn't help a conversation with your dinner guests very much.

Whenever I would eat at the restaurant I worked at, (I'm still not sure why I'd give my money BACK to the owners), I always used the best waiter or waitress for my table. That probably accounts for why I some of the wait staff didn't care for me too much. Because I wasn't spreading the money to them.

Servers can be your best friend, or your worst enemy. Not too much in between ground there.

"There's also a thing such as too much "service". I don't like being bugged every 5-10 minutes by someone. It doesn't help a conversation with your dinner guests very much."

Absolutely ricib, it drives me crazy when they pounce every time you put something in your mouth. A few months ago we spent $458 on a meal (incl. wine) for 3 + tip. The meal was sublime, and so was the waiter.

.....and while I am on the subject I have noticed in some places the service faulters with ones progress thru grey to white hair. ;Þ

I have just come back from Invercargill, that is deep south island. I went with the lady I travel with, and who organises everything. And tells me when to shut up. ;Þ It was business of course. I wanted a hotel, so we didn't have to go out at night foraging. The Ascot filled the bill.

The service was kindly, friendly, so tea and toast was a morning pleasure. But not at all overbearing. The dinner hour was a pleasure too. The service personal were somewhat guache. Which mattered not at all, since they were so jolly nice. One evening our server changed my order from the usual soup to stir fried veg. on her own initiative. She said it would be better for me. A woman my age, perhaps a little younger. How it made me smile! There was no stir fried on the menu.

Bluff oysters are in season at this time. Small sweet and not for me. However Susan Marie had chowders she could stand a spoon up in. Mainly oyster, mussel and scollop, prawns, bits of cray. All whole. "cept the cray. That was cut up. They are big down there. So are the shellfish. I think they only use the fish stock and cream to make an excuse for soup. Anyway, we had fun.

you gave the answer yourself...

why didn't you say right from the beginning that your tea is apricot flavored? than you did not have to reply 100 000 times. come on guys, wake up!

Bad Service!!

Hey Chefs!

Most of you got it very clear... if there's a pattern... look in the mirror... if it's a fluke (and most of the time it is...) CONTACT THE MANAGEMENT.... Be very specific and stay calm. If you just rant... then it's you... if you give feedback... hopefully the problem will be fixed.

Sometimes, if it's a place you want to return to, they may even comp a meal... the bottom line is that if it's a place with a great menu and yucky service... COMPLAIN... vice versa... who cares?

Just make sure you stay calm.

At some point someone has to call you out might as well be me........

First off, Chicago is home to well over 100,000 restaurants were the front of the house staff (servers) until just a couple a weeks ago made only $3.90/hour. meaning their entire paychecks look like this $0.00 every two weeks. No paycheck they live entirely off of tips alone. And if the server in question was experienced enough to handle multiple guests and multiple tables at the same time which I am presuming was at a dinner or lunch rush (busiest time in a rest.) for your friend to give them a good tip why would you think anyone would believe your story that this server could handle all that get a good tip from your friend and then all of the sudden make a complete *** out of themselves because they mis ID'd your friend. They had the capabilites & experience to take care of your friend in the midst of that semi-chaotic atmosphere (lunch or dinner rush) and now you want us to believe they didn't know what table was leaving and what table left what tip???????????????????????????????????????

I call <coughbullshitcough>. But tell your friend we now make $4.50/hour so instead getting a check for ZERO DOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS we now will get a check for ZERO DOLLAR AND ZERO CENTS.

As far as handling a bad server or rude server. Here is how you go about that. Rather than getting into a confrontation with your server or heading off a future confrontation like the one your friend "supposivedly" had the first thing you should do is inform the manager on duty. This will get their boss involved and usually get an immediate rectification. If you come across a rude server and the manager elects not to do anything about then a little knowledge and examples is all your going to need. For example if my server was rude and if any of this occured I would point it out to them and watch how quickly they change their approack. And I would say something like this: You know, (whatever their name is) you have been rude to me and my party all night long, you haven't anticipated any of my needs tonight, and your in the business of accomodating me. And by talking with your other co-workers off to the side while my drinks sit on the bar awaiting delivery, giving me nasty looks, a coarse tone, and wrecking my night at your establishment isnt really the best way to accomodate me. However, if this story is true, your friend handled it just fine. If it were me though I would have gone a step farther and gotten in touch with a manager and after being completely called out like that I would have wanted my tip voided out and refunded.

We may live off tips, but our job is to accomodate and ensure a pleasant experience while your at our establishment. And that is how we earn our living. If we dont do our job than we aren't entitled to your genorosity!!! Even though there are quite a few service industry ppl out there that believe no matter what they should be given 20% regardless. Those are usually the worst servers you can find too, so there is no surprise as to why they want a guaranteed %.

For me, I have found a simple solution. I proceed to ask the rude server if the chef is busy and if I could pop my head in the kitchen to give them the tip. The server usually gets that "deer in the headlights" look and directs me to the kitchen. I make a point of tipping the kitchen (when the food is up to snuff) appropriately, and leaving the server a simple insult of $0.05. Seems to speak volumes to the staff. Just my opinion though...

I've rarely gone to a place where the service was beyond explination or redemption. I can understand a bit of what the servers go through, I get a lot of disgusting behavior from customers myself so I will try to cut them some slack. But I do have limits, like theres no need to take your frustrations out on someone who hasn't cause you issues. The worst I've gone through was reserving a table at Alice ***illis, waiting 30mins for the table, then finding out it was given away and it would be another 15mins for another table. I just walked out, it was my 18th birthday and I wasn't going to go through that.

when I have bad service, I tip the minimum because I do NOT know the circumstances that made this a bad day for my server or other staff.

But, I do reward good service with EXCELLENT tips!

I have gone to places like the Cheesecake factory and have left a 20.00 tip on a check for 2.

It's like paying it foward, I made the server happy and they will treat the next service like gold, hoping for more of the same. lol

I'm one of those that believes in POSITIVE reinforcement!!!