Food Humour

#1

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7/2/01 at 10:14pm

coolJ
Professional Chef
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Location: Kamloops, BC, Canada
Post Count: 805

I am looking to compile a list of food/cooking jokes and comics, and haven't been able to find much more than the standard fly in the soup type jokes, can anyone help me out, either by sharing a joke or posting a web link ?.
TIA,
Jeff

#2

Rating: 0

7/3/01 at 6:11am

Kimmie
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Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
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Hey CoolJ,

Click here for soup jokes.

:D

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#3

Rating: 0

7/5/01 at 2:59pm

coolJ
Professional Chef
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Location: Kamloops, BC, Canada
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Thanks Kimmie. Those are really hilarious.

#4

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7/5/01 at 3:27pm

monpetitchoux
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Joined: April 2001
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Post Count: 257

The whole clan out in hillbilly county was excited to receive Bob coming home from the university. He was the first in his whole family to go to college. Everyone came to the gathering where they feasted on barbecue with all the fixings. Right before dessert, a hush came over the crowd as Bob's father got on the hay bale. He turned to Bob and said, "Son, we are all proud of you for studying so hard and making it to the university. We are even prouder of you fro returning home to your roots so that you can serve as a shining example to the rest of the young'uns. Now, because the rest of us couldn't go to college, tell us what was the most important thing you learned in school?"

Bob thought for a little while. Finally, he lifted his head and said, "pi r² (pi r squared)." A small gasp reverberated through the crowd mixed with looks of perplexion. Finally, Bob's mother stepped forward and said, "But son, that's wrong. Everyone knows that pie are round. Cornbread are squared."

That was for the foodie mathematician (any besides me?)

SmartGirl to the rescue!

#5

Rating: 0

7/5/01 at 7:10pm

Kimmie
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You're welcome CoolJ.

and Montpetitchoux,

that's so cute!

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#6

Rating: 0

7/6/01 at 3:07pm

foodnfoto
Food Editor
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Joined: December 2000
Location: NY, USA
Post Count: 1,062

Okay, I've been holding off until the WV joke.

Why did the Lord make armadillos?
So Texans can have 'possum on the half-shell.

(My apologies to any Texans, but where else do armadillos live?)

How many does it take to eat an armadillo?
Three-one to eat and two to watch for cars.
;)

[ July 06, 2001: Message edited by: foodnfoto ]

www.foodandphoto.com
www.go-gopops.com

Liquored up and laquered down,
She's got the biggest hair in town!

#7

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7/7/01 at 4:10pm

nancya
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Joined: April 2001
Location: Southern Missouri
Post Count: 817

How do you know if the head chef is a clown?

When the food tastes funny.

#8

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7/7/01 at 4:26pm

Pastachef
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Location: Maryland
Post Count: 800

These are so funny! LOL! And that one is cute, Nancya. :D :D :D :D

Laughter is the medicine of life

#9

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7/8/01 at 4:19am

Papa
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Location: The World Is My Home.
Post Count: 493

Thank you guys!

"Olio nuovo e vino vecchio"

#10

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7/8/01 at 10:18am

nancya
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Joined: April 2001
Location: Southern Missouri
Post Count: 817

Tripped over some food funnies for you.

We'll just see if I did the copy and paste right.
http://jokes.ncbuy.com/cgi/subcat.cgi?category=cultfood

#11

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7/8/01 at 2:11pm

Mezzaluna
Cook At Home
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Location: Wisconsin USA
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Maryeo! Good to see you again! The rabbit joke sounds like some of the Belgian jokes I heard in France.

Moderator, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***

#12

Rating: 0

7/11/01 at 11:37pm

pompeyams
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Joined: June 2001
Location: England
Post Count: 68

Doctor i,ve got strawberries growing from my bum dont worry i,ve got some cream for that
British humour hope you enjoyed that been racking my brain for days to think of a food joke

#13

Rating: 0

7/12/01 at 10:34am

coolJ
Professional Chef
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Location: Kamloops, BC, Canada
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Pompeyams, I love British humor. my theatre group actually runs a british pub night every spring, about four or five performances. filled with songs, sketches and jokes.

#14

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7/19/01 at 6:20am

Kimmie
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Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

Martha Stewart's Social Tips

GENERAL ETIQUETTE

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table...no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#15

Rating: 0

7/19/01 at 6:54am

nancya
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Joined: April 2001
Location: Southern Missouri
Post Count: 817

hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.

#16

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7/19/01 at 11:55am

Kimmie
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Joined: March 2001
Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

Thanks! Here's S'more...

Q.: Why did the melon get married in a church?
A.: She can't elope!!!

;)

[ July 19, 2001: Message edited by: Kimmie ]

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#17

Rating: 0

7/19/01 at 9:43pm

Pastachef
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Joined: November 1999
Location: Maryland
Post Count: 800

Great funnies, Kimmie! :D :D :D :D :D

Laughter is the medicine of life

#18

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7/20/01 at 8:28am

Kimmie
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Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

Deep FOOD thoughts

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?

What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Is it true that cannibals won`t eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

:eek:

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#19

Rating: 0

7/20/01 at 11:20am

coolJ
Professional Chef
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Joined: December 2000
Location: Kamloops, BC, Canada
Post Count: 805

Yay Kimmie !!

#20

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7/20/01 at 11:28am

Kimmie
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Joined: March 2001
Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

Thanx CoolJ!

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#21

Rating: 0

10/16/01 at 12:09pm

Kimmie
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Joined: March 2001
Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

Ask Chef...

Dear Chef . . .

I have notice the "funk" in the world has diminished over the last few years? What's up with that?

Groove

Dear Groove,

The world has to funktify itself soon before "da funk" becomes as dead as disco. We all have to do our part...the easiest way is through funky walkin' and dirty talkin...keep it real!

Yours truly,
Chef

:bounce:

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#22

Rating: 0

10/16/01 at 1:54pm

Kimmie
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Joined: March 2001
Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

I have a Microsoft Waiter...

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[The waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00

:eek:

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#23

Rating: 0

10/16/01 at 5:25pm

Isa
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Joined: April 2000
Location: Montréal
Post Count: 3,617

It's nice to see you in such a good mood Kimmie.:)

When I get a little money, I buy books. And if there is any left over, I buy food.

- Desiderius Erasmus

#24

Rating: 0

10/16/01 at 5:28pm

nancya
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Joined: April 2001
Location: Southern Missouri
Post Count: 817

Oh, that's funny Kimmie!!!

#25

Rating: 0

10/18/01 at 7:22pm

chefboy2160
Professional Chef
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Joined: October 2001
Location: Eugene, Oregon U.S.A.
Post Count: 646

I probably know the first thing we all learned how to cook ,
and thats toilet paper . First you brown it on one side and then you throw it in the pot . Good luck and keep cookin .

The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity !

#26

Rating: 0

10/19/01 at 10:46pm

Olive Branch
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Joined: October 2001
Location: San Pedro, CA
Post Count: 70

Do you carrot all for me? My heart beets for you! I know we canteloup, but please lettuce be married...

#27

Rating: 0

10/30/01 at 8:21am

Kimmie
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Joined: March 2001
Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

What is this?

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"

:eek:

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#28

Rating: 0

10/30/01 at 8:32am

Kimmie
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Joined: March 2001
Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

The family of tomatoes

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!" :eek:

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

#29

Rating: 0

10/30/01 at 10:56am

foodnfoto
Food Editor
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Joined: December 2000
Location: NY, USA
Post Count: 1,062

Where do canteloupes go for a vacation?

John Cougar's melon camp.

What do you call a steer with no legs?

Ground beef.

What was the last thing said at the Last Supper?

"Everyone who wants to be in the picture, get on THIS side of the table."

www.foodandphoto.com
www.go-gopops.com

Liquored up and laquered down,
She's got the biggest hair in town!

#30

Rating: 0

10/30/01 at 11:10am

Kimmie
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Joined: March 2001
Location: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Post Count: 2,823

:lol: :lol: :lol:

K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»

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