Number me with Shroom and Ed. Your menu is way too large and way too lopsided, but with substantial editing it can be made merely way too large and holiday appropriate.
Given the situation and the nature of the event there are two ways to make preparation simpler -- delegation and organization.
Let's start by breaking down a typical, traditional not-yours-or-my-family specific Thanksgiving menu
Salads:
Mixed green salad
Cranberry relish
Proteins:
Turkey
Ham
Sauces and gravies:
Turkey gravy
Cranberry sauce
Starches:
Mashed potatoes
Sweet poatotes
Dressing:
(Turkey) dressing
Vegetables:
Green beans
Creamed onions
Breads:
Breadbasket, or
Rolls, or
Biscuits
Desserts:
Pies (including pumpkin) with whipped or iced cream
Lighter option such as "fluff," sorbet, or a light mousse -- as though after all that, dessert would be the perfect time to lighten up.
Let's think about this:
I'm not suggeting that you cook this menu, but only that you break yours down the same way and get rid of whatever proteins and starches (including the pasta salad(?!)) you can from your proposed menu -- they are way too numerous. A good idea might be to edit it down to one dish in each category; which would be the dish your family considers most representative for Thanksgiving. Then, you can start adding back those dishes which are essentially absolutes or absolutely essential. Either way. Your choice. Don't let me crowd you.
All familes have a few absolute must-haves which will unbalance the menu. And that's fine. In fact, it's more than fine. It's one of the positive aspects of a family holiday. But try and keep them down to a minimum -- and have someone else cook them in their own kitchen and preferably bring them in their own serving dishes with their own serving pieces.
Without a doubt you are the best cook in your family by light years. Still, let the others have a chance. For one thing, they've been eating the traditional family odd-balls their entire lives and are better suited for taking the heat if the dish varies from sainted memory in any way.
I don't know how much catering you've done, but cooking in someone else's home for a large group presents a number of challenges. Two which are nearly inevitable are counter and stove/oven space. This takes us back to the turkey and ham. They are huge pieces of meat and take an enormous amount of space -- not only for cooking but for holding, slicing and plating as well. The longer you can keep them out of the kitchen, the better.
Delegation:
The easiest things to delegate are the big proteins. Turkey and ham can be pre-cooked on the day of and held resting in "coolers," for hours and hours and hours. Keeping these huge pieces of meat out of the oven
Our family tradition is turkey and salmon -- both of which I smoke the morning of, then transport. Now I'm not going to try and sell you salmon instead of ham, so relax. But, if any of your relatives has and is reasonably proficient with a smoker -- smoke the turkey(s). All turkey is better eaten warm than hot, but a freshly eaten smoked turkey has even more range -- it may be served and enjoyed barely warm. It is also, almost without exception, considerably moister than turkey cooked in any other way (other than fried) is likely to be at an event.
If your family fries the turkey -- there's no way I can talk you out of it. Just make sure the insurance is current.
Delegate the turkey carving. Everybody has a picture in their mind of dad carving the turkey at the table. But the picture is more Norman Rockwell and not reality. Very few people can actually carve a turkey tableside and to order; none of whom are related to you by blood or marriage. The best way for almost everyone to carve a turkey is to "break" the leg quarters and wings from the carcass; separate the thighs, then bone and carve them; remove the breasts from the carcass, lay them flat on the board and carve them; plate the slices, legs and wings on a platter, shingling the white meat, and mounding the dark; and finally, garnish the platter. If possible, have the entire operation done outside the kitchen. But there's one caveat if you do so. That is, expect copious juices and waste on the floor. So plan accordingly when you set up the card table in a spare room -- put some plastic sheeting down. As carver, figure out whoever actually owns sharp knives -- and have her or bring a few along. Do not plan on carving with your MIL's cutlery, unless you plan on having it sharpened the day before.
If the ham is on the bone, a truly proper carving is even more of an artform. Fortunately, most people don't have a clue as to how thin ham should be sliced. Still, it's either best to have someone do it out of sight and platter it, or alternatively to set the ham on a carving board on the buffet along with a carving set and let each to his own. It's fun to watch.
Side dishes: Delegate all casseroles. Cook fresh only those things which do not benefit from holding so the flavors marry.
Mashed potatoes do not reheat particularly well. Also, they're a PITA to do in large quantities. It's a sort of darned if you do, darned if you don't situation. I transport them, but only because I'm forced to do so. On balance, it's probably better to do them on site, and at the last possible minute.
Clean up: Unless you and your husband are in the "young adult" group of your family, have the youngest adults and any adolescents do the clean up. For one thing, they've got the energy. Organize this before and not at the party to avoid any resentment, sulking or feelings of victimization -- that your teen-age in laws would ever. If you have people bringing carving tools and good serving pieces you'll have to make sure they are hand washed and set aside. Again, you may want to delegate a supervisor.
Start organizing your ideas now -- on paper (or computer) as opposed to just thinking about them. Get at least one other family member involved as soon as possible. Each of those will make your ideas bear fruit.
The more you delegate and organize, and the less you have to cook on site at the last minute, the better the kitchen can be used for its primary holiday purposes of gossip and bickering.
Hope this helps,
BDL
