Foodpump, what would you like to know? I am a mother of five: 14 year old daughter, 8 year old daughter, 7 year old son, 3 year old son, and 2 year old daughter, each of them amazingly different from their siblings.
I’m proud of them all, but I always try to keep their limitations in mind. Pushing a child is one thing, pushing them beyond their capabilities is unfair and abusive. We have one rule when it comes to performance in any arena: Pursue excellence and be the best you can be. That means different things for each child. We also are very strict about personal responsibility.
Do we have 100% compliance 100% of the time? Of course not, not even close, I’d worry if we did.
Childhood is training for adult life, if I send them out into the world not able to care for themselves, then I have failed. If I send them before they are ready, then I have failed. There are countless ways to fail as a parent. I succeed in only one way, if I turn out happy, healthy, well-rounded people who have the ability to think critically and care for themselves.
I have an amazing partner in my husband, who at 29 years my senior was a father of four on the day I was born. My step-children are all highly successful in their fields, but more importantly they are happy, and the grandchildren currently total 9 from 16 years old to 2 years old. He holds a PhD in Philosophy and his award winning dissertation is on Nietzschian Pedagogy. (Proud wife J )While we were dating I took his dissertation off his bookshelf and read it, I tell everyone that once I had finished it I knew that getting married to him was secondary to my desire to raise children with him. (Just as a side note, the pick up line he used on me the night we met was “So what do you think about the Malthusian Principle?” I melted like butter.)
I’m the primary care giver for the children, my work outside the home is flexible, and so I spend more time with the kids on a day to day basis. My husband is the primary “bread winner” for now. These roles are due to change over the next several years as he approaches retirement age.
We are two very opinioned people. We try to think long and hard before we reach a conclusion and then act on it. No, it’s not a self-righteous thing, more like a “we can’t very well throw stones if we live in a glass house” thing. We respectfully disagree with opinions that are logically thought out but arrive at different conclusions than we have. We abhor knee jerk opinions and fallacious arguments. We raise our children to do likewise.
All that being said, my children are a wild ride and not for the faint of heart. They scare the bejeezums out of my mother (who herself is capable of striking fear into the hearts of very large grown men J ). But it could be worse, they could be stupid.
My oldest is highly manipulative and has an unbelievable talent for art. We try and get her to push her artistic boundaries outside of the Mangas she loves and also encourage her to use her manipulation skills for the forces of good, not evil.
My 8 year old is a special challenge as she has a rare genetic endocrine disorder that at first looked like mild autism but is in actuality an inability for her body to process vitamin D and calcium.(Nutrition, nutrition, nutrition!) After a years long battle with doctors over the existence of the disorder (we finally found a believer) she is flourishing as never before, just because she mega-doses on vitamins and we make sure she eats a specific diet and gets plenty of sunshine (the best way for the body to get Vitamin D). The teenager has the same disorder but it manifests as abnormal bone growth in her feet and a scalp condition as opposed to behavioral and language delays. The 8 year old’s gifts are humor and an eye for the sacred.
My seven year old has a mind like a sponge. A first grader that reads on a 5th grade level. He doesn’t understand that school is not as easy for his peers as it is for him, so he gets in trouble when he finishes his work and wants to play. Fortunately, he is also the consummate Boy Scout (he always wants to do the “right” thing, whatever that is at the time) and a huge Spider-man fan. We had a long discussion about the wise words of Uncle Ben Parker: With great power comes great responsibility. His “power” is his mind and he has to be responsible with it, that includes recognizing that his peers don’t learn as easily as he does so he has to help safeguard their education by being respectful of their needs. Believe it or not, he got it and the teacher sent her regards.
The three year old is sweet and tender, and I look forward to the loving man he can become.
The two year old? She’s best described as being a “hot mess” and will most likely be the one from whom I should expect the most trouble. J
At the end of the day, my goals for my children are exceedingly selfish. I want them to become people that I would like, even if I didn’t love them so much. And I hope that they never have to suffer some of the lessons I learned because I entered the adult world ill-equipped. I can’t spare them all the pain of the world, there are lessons we each must learn from experience. But, if I’m lucky, and diligent, I can help keep their souls intact.
My philosophy on child rearing?
Always have a sense of humor, along with an understanding that there is a time for composure and decorum and a time for booger jokes.
Remember that children are always watching, lead by example.
Never forget that the only thing you can really give them is roots and wings.
And lastly, you don’t change the world with signs and protests, you change the world by what you teach your children.
Oh yeah, they can all eat their weight in high starch foods and are in heaven when allowed free reign with Pixie-styx. But the three year old pouts when I don’t share my steamed artichokes, the two year old will eat anything (including crayons), the seven and eight year old will arm wrestle each other for dibs on the crudités platter and roasted garlic dip and the teenager not only eats sushi, but makes it because I can’t stand to be near the stuff.
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