[cookinscool]

my problem: first off, i want to be a chef. I am currently a bus boy at a fairly decent restaurant here. Our previous manager just quit. He could really be an a$$hole but he also taught me so much. He was very demanding and criticized me more than anyone. Now that he is gone, I have found that the owners of the restaurant were really unhappy with how he treated me. One of the owners said I should never take that kind of disrespect from anyone because i will get run over in the restaurant business or in life. I now know that I was the one who the manager took out his frustrations from dealing with the owners. The owner told me I need to have more balls with people. I thought that taking the manager's crap was having balls. Bearing it and not quiting was what i believed having balls was. I wanted to earn his respect by working as hard as i possibly could. The manager even told me, most guys would have quit by now(especially young guys from my social background) and that made me feel good that i am not most guys.
My perspective and the reason i took so much from this guy is because I kind of viewed him as a tough chef who can't cook. It's like my preperation for when i am able to finally get a job in a kitchen. I've heard of many chefs who are really demanding and are also really mean guys. the manager's constant criticism made me work a lot harder than i've ever worked in my life. When i did a good job for him, it made me feel so accomplished. I hope this made sense. I don't know whether to take the owner's advice or continue with my perspective.. I know i should stand up for myself but then i also don't have the right to deny criticism from someone with his experience, I'm the inexperienced new guy and maybe i need a tough method of teaching for me to learn things. I don't know. Please help me figure this out. When you've had those mean chef's, how did you deal with them? take their punishment? or say, "i don't appreciate your disrespecting me". Something about that seems whiny to me. But then again, i'm inexperienced in work and life. Thanks

[soussweets]

keep it up cookinschool. no,,, you shouldn't have to deal with disrespectful employers,,, but the more crap you can deal with the easier the next job will be. just set boundaries. when someone brings you to a certain point, you let them know quick,fast and in a hurry that they shall never treat you that way again,,,, otherwise, keep your head up, work hard and anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger. you know what your boundaries are,,,, just make sure your ******* boss learns what they are and never back down !!!!!!!

[Anneke]

Without knowing precisely the kind of verbal abuse he was inflicting, it's hard to say whether to stay or go. As mentioned earlier, you know your own boundaries and how far they can be pushed. Good for you for taking this as a toughening experience; this attitude will pay off, no matter what the owners say. Generally speaking, when faced with this kind of situation, I always ask myself: do the pros outweight the cons? Will I be learning a lot? More than any other place I could realistically be working at? If so, then give yourself a year to tough it out. By the end of that time, you might be a highly skilled emotional wreck, or you might actually find that you have become comfortable working with this difficult person. Either way you win. Everyone who's ever worked in the kitchen has felt like the scapegoat for everything at one time or another. When I notice my chef picking on me more than I feel is appropriate, I say 'yes chef' and give him a beaming smile every time. He eventually gets it and backs off. Just make sure you keep doing what you're told...

[Chefkell]

A good manager will walk the fine line between treating everyone equally yet managing every individual differently as well.

Some people work better with the boss breathing fire down their neck yelling and making a comotion and giving them a hard time...while another employee shuts down and becomes flustered, angry and useless.

I occasionally use the "tough chef" routine on an employee or two because that's how they work best. Others all I have to say is "I want it like this", "you need to be faster" " please be cleaner" and that's what they need.

You maybe need to decide if that's how YOU work best. If it's not, than no matter how much said manager taught you, he wasn't utilizing you to the fullest extent.

I was one of those that worked best with a boot up my but. Chef yelled and screamed and called me names and I got good quick.

I'd even go so far as to walk in first day of a new job and be as arrogant and obnoxcious as possible to see who would try to knock me down a peg. Some could, some couldn't...I learned from the ones that could because they were standing in line to tell me what I was doing wrong!

[mike]

Wise words from my fellows there. Its bad you had a tough time but it shows youve got character & any decent human being would identify that & be proud to have you as part of his team.

People can be jerks in all walks of life but the heat & intensity of the kitchen is a breeding bground for misanthropes. Just stick at it & you will find people who dont abuse you & learn at the same time. No one should expect abuse even in mad kitchens, christ this is the 21st century not Victorian England.

learn to differentiate between someone motivating you and someone bullying you, and learn how to deal with it. The chef whose motivating you might holler a bit but when service is done **** get you a beer & say well done, A jerk wont .

One day you will be in charge & how you react to your staff will be a testament to what your learning now.

I would be delighted to have guys like you in my kitchen,

Peace