Sandy's Latest - Tropical Dinner SLop

[Kerryclan]

Well, grab the fruit cups and instant rice box, we're having a Tropical Dinner Party...SLop Style!

Appetizer: skewered shrimp put in not hot enough grill pan to make sure there's no grill marks and hardly any color. Only turn half of them. Serve on a bed of toasted coconut.Get out the tropical fruit cups, chop up some cilantro, a scallion and a jalopena pepper - and by gosh - Mango Salsa! (Make sure you wear a low cut shirt whenever bending at counter to chop.)

Entree: Halved game hens marinated in juice and jerk seasoning. Put in oven for about 5 minutes. Take out, close oven door with bony hip while yelling UMMM. Serve on a bed of instant flavored box rice that was thrown in pot full of cold chicken broth, piece of butter with wrapper still on if your an idiot, and an assortment of canned juice. It magically becomes a tropical rice dish in less than 2 minutes.

Dessert: BananaLaska Sandy Invention. Make 2 giant cookies out of refrigerator dough and stuff some swiss almond ice cream and instant pudding with a sliced banana in it (that's the banana in BananaLaska) between the cookie disks. Put some almond slices on top to go with your almond theme (what???) SLop some meringue all over it, broil top. Rave about how guests will think you are brilliant!

Cocktail: Sunset cocktail. Doesn't matter what you use as long as you get layers. And use an upside down spoon to float rum at the top. You want a mouthful of pure rum when you first drink it.

Tablescape: Cherry theme (HUH???). Throw a load of marischinos in a lined collander, place on cherry design tablecloth.

We went from Tropical theme, to Almond Theme, to cherry theme, throw in some swiss almonds and baked Alaska Bananalaskarammanana thing (since when are Switzerland and Alaska tropical, anyway)

Let's Party Down! We'll worry about salmonella later.

[redace1960]

i finally saw this person on a talk show yesterday.
the maribel morgan of cooking!

[Kerryclan]

LOL. Thanks, I wasn't sure what she was! Can't figure out who her audience is besides foodies who want to laugh and snark.

She is hazardous to cooking. I would only use her recipes if I wanted to ensure the guests would never come back.

This Tropical, Almond, Cherry theme Dinner Party was an all over the place mess of inedibles.

But, as Sandy says: Remember to always keep it semi-homemade (and totally hideous).

[MarkV]

****! Sorry I missed the low-cut shirt.

I still think she's hot.

Mark

[Kerryclan]

MarkV: ****! Sorry I missed the low-cut shirt.

O.K., but would you dare consume anything she made for dinner?

[chrose]

Kerry the review was far more entertaining than the show! I really enjoyed it, you make Sandra palatable Thanks!!!

[KeeperOfTheGood]

You guys are really tempting me to "pay" for one of those "cable packages" grrr, all the comedy and drama..............


Ahh, and low cut shirts

[Kerryclan]

Glad you all are enjoying my SLop reviews.

Today, Sandy's Barf-O-Rama will be "Low Fat/Healthy 2" and I can't wait to see how the Mistress of Processed Food will make a healthy meal!

Sandra Lee is a decorator, not a chef. How does someone like that get a cooking show? I would rather they gave a show to a non-professional, but experienced home cook who could share some good recipes and secret ingredients, etc.

SLop is just another example of the dumbing down at Food Network.

I'll post a review of the Low Fat/Healthy mess later.

[chiffonade]

Tropical Depression…

Sandra once again whips out dessert cups as “food.” Drain a can or snack cup of fruit cocktail and chop up for salsa? Please tell me there is not a segment of our population who doesn’t think this is inherently wrong. Canned fruit cocktail is barely kid food, potentially tolerable hospital food but it will never be an appropriate part of an adult entrée. And there’s that #*@ finger on the back of the chef’s knife again!

Nothing on the shrimp. No salt. No pepper. No oil. No spice (not even from an envelope). Not to mention she didn’t even rinse them. And what a waste of “regular” coconut! By “regular” does she mean sweetened? Unsweetened? Desiccated? And an entire half sheet pan? For use as a garnish?

I giggled when she said: “I’m going to take cilantro and just dice this up.” One does not dice cilantro. Once chops cilantro. Her shows are like a culinary “what is wrong with this picture” game. This is why only seasoned cooks should watch her…and then just for laughs.

Has anyone noticed her cooking surface is way too low for her? She has to hunch over the counter to cut or slice anything. Her husband must have designed that kitchen.

I was surprised to see Sandra handle raw Cornish hens. And she even washed her hands afterward…with soap! Who says she can’t learn a new trick? Like any old dog, she just has to hear it enough…or in her case, read it enough (as we’ve pointed out her lack of hand washing many times). Quite frankly, I didn’t see very much that was objectionable about the Cornish hen dish. Jerk seasoning blend is available from reputable sources like http://www.penderys.com and http://www.penzeys.com . I would, however, stay away from supermarket “envelope” jerk seasonings as they bear no resemblance to the real thing. Real jerk seasoning makes you want to wear revealing, floral clothing and do the limbo. Supermarket jerk seasoning just leaves your tongue coated with salt as the rest of you asks “WTF was that supposed to be?”

Sandra does her best to include the “hip check oven closure” move in all of her recent shows. It’s at this time she usually belches out a “whoot” or a “yum” or some such other loud, short sound.

Dessert is another waste of time and egg whites. A tasty layered banana pudding and ice cream creation sounds really good right now – and what I’m picturing has nothing to do with Sandra’s conglomeration of plastic food. There are so many ways you could go with this – phyllo circles, dacquoise, even graham crackers or Nilla wafers; from scratch pudding; and of course either top shelf store bought ice cream or maybe a home-made coconut ice cream.

The only part of the meringue that got cooked was the top – did this alarm anyone else?

Sandra needs to stay at the bar where she belongs. Her forte seems to be mixing drinks that turn party guests into staggering, slurring zombies. As we can see – she does this quite well. I won’t take that away from her, she’s an effective lush.

If anyone is interested in a really great, simple and quick mango salsa – here’s one DH prepares all the time at work. He also does it at home on weekends for grilled seafood:

Mango Salsa
Makes about 2 cups

2 large ripe mangoes
¼ cup chopped red onion
¼ cup very small dice (“brunoise”) of red bell pepper
2 tablespoons lime juice
1/3 cup finely chopped cilantro
(Optional) ½ or 1 small jalapeno cut in very small dice (“brunoise”) (seeds and ribs discarded)
S&P

To peel and seed a mango:
Stand mango vertically on its end against cutting surface with its narrow edge facing you. Hold mango carefully on one side. Place chef’s knife at the top of the mango and slice downward, moving blade around the seed. Turn mango and cut down the other side in the same fashion. If there is a good deal of mango flesh remaining on the seed, you can shave that off as well. Hold mango half in your hand or rest mango half on cutting surface. With a paring knife, cut vertically down the mango flesh all the way to the inside skin, then cut across, in a crosshatch pattern. Turn mango skin inside out and the mango dice will be easy to sever from the skin. Cut large dice into smaller pieces.

Place mango dice in a bowl and add remaining ingredients. Mix, place in a small bowl, cover and refrigerate until needed.

[chiffonade]

Originally Posted by Kerryclan

...baked Alaska Bananalaskarammanana thing.

ROFLMAO - sounds like you have been sipping the Cocktail!

[chiffonade]

Originally Posted by MarkV

****! Sorry I missed the low-cut shirt.
I still think she's hot.
Mark

Pamela Anderson has the same "semi-homemade" appendages, she's hotter and knows just as much about cooking. ROFLMAO.

[Kerryclan]

Chiff, I'm ROFL!

You managed to fill in whatever I left out! There's so much wrong with each SLop show that it's hard to capture everything at one time.

BTW, there is no mango in those fruit cups, it is actually Non-Mango Salsa.
Glad you mentioned the dice up cilantro thing. She's such an idiot!

Yea, the shrimp skewers were unseasoned, dry and barely cooked. I can't figure out what the bed of toasted coconut was for. It won't stick to the shrimp. Are you supposed to eat it with a fork, like rice??? And my bet is that it is sweetened. That's all Sandy ever uses, she must have 80 bags of it. YUK.

And, how awful, sickeningly sweet that wild rice must be with all the juice it was cooked in?

What got me was how this Tropical Dinner Party theme was all over the place. If you must (and Sandy must) theme every dinner, at least pick one and stick to it!

[chiffonade]

Originally Posted by Kerryclan

Chiff, I'm ROFL!

There's so much wrong with each SLop show that it's hard to capture everything at one time.

TIVO, baby. TIVO!

[Kerryclan]

TIVO! I don't think I can stand to watch her more than once without one of her "serious drunks only" cocktails!

[MarkV]

How do you guys enclose a quote from a previous message?

Mark