Sandy does Corn Dogs at he Carnival

[Kerryclan]

I'm afraid you just have to see this Carnal-val Knowledge episode of Semi-Homemade to believe it.

I can't do a full review because there was so much inuendo involved, I would be risking getting kicked off this fine forum!

All I'll suggest is when making things like corn dogs, churras and frozen bananas, don't mention how your niece "likes big ones" and don't ever put flavored imitation coffee creamer in funnel cake batter.

[Mezzaluna]

I caught this one today. Her choice of foods was interesting, but the ingredients were DREK. A cup of vanilla Coffeemate liquid??? Blech. I think everything was fried, too. There was enough cholesterol and trans fat in that party to do a whole lot of damage.

[KeeperOfTheGood]

Originally Posted by Kerryclan

Does anyone have good carnival fare recipes? My daughter loves funnel cake and jelly apples, but I won't do the SLop method. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Mezzaluna

Please post on the other one.

Ok, I am going to hope this is not the one to not be be deleted


As to the show, nothing wrong with "big ones" hehe. Bet her momma was so proud to hear that I tell you what LOL

As to the question about carnie foods............. having spent a very very very very short time working at a carnival I gotsta say FRIES WITH GRAVY! As well as today's poutine (and for those that don't know what that is, it is white cheese curdes ontop of the fries then covered in the gravy. Fav of us around here and a staple in the diet up north).

Also, any well grilled with even excess char meat. Rarely matters what kind of meat, as long as it is cooked, bite size (or ground meat patties), and well grilled WITH THE ONIONS!! Oh, and if it is sausages they NEED sauerkraut and onions and hot mustard YUM! And if it is souvlaki, hot pitas and tzatziki or sour cream (we really need a drooling emote here )

Candy apples, and cotton candy, and sponge toffee of course, and LOTS of watered down pop!

Hmm, there may be other things.... I have been to a carnival with a cook doing grilled polish sausage, and even vegi burgers and tofu on a stick.....

[Kerryclan]

I haven't been to a carnival in a long time, but I remember some good carnival food. Certainly more than what Sandy did today. And even the things she made, I'm sure were made better. The churros were so limp, but when they showed them on the table, they were stiff. The crew must have shot them with viagra!

Anyway, I just don't think it's worth the trouble to make stuff like this. That's probably why people only have it at carnivals. I would like to make the funnel cake just for my daughter who doesn't get to carnivals much and loves it.

A point of irony: someone had to use a funnel to get that hideous batter in the ketchup bottle....uh, Sandy, there's a reason it's called FUNNEL CAKE!

[KeeperOfTheGood]

Hey oh

Well, I had to ACTUALLY look it up! Ihave never had a funnel cake in my life! We do a dough pattie deepfried dusted in sugar and cinnamon called Beaver Tails....

So, I googled for Funnel Cake

http://www.funnelcake.com/Default.htm

[Mezzaluna]

You know, I saw a rerun of this and noticed they blurred out the name on the orange KitchenAid mixer she was using. Could it be the company doesn't want to be associated with this travesty?

[chiffonade]

Here are my observations about the Carnival Show...
(Warning…I was especially annoyed by this ep…)

Step right up and see the INFLATABLE WOMAN!
With just a short surgical procedure (easy, easy), Skeletor is stacked better than Charo.

* The funnel cakes looked like brains. I may never be able to eat one again. (Maybe that's a good thing.)

* I loved how the Kitchen Aid name was blurred out! Looks like another fine sponsor has come to its senses.

* The candy apples did not look repulsive - I guess maybe there was one redeeming "dish" presented in this ep. I've got to get my aunt's recipe for candy apples - to see how you really make them.

* "Just TOSS the hot oil over the funnel cakes..." NEVER use the word "toss" when referring to hot oil. I generally say "spoon."

* The "f'ntastics" are plentiful...and they still sound like nails on a blackboard.

* "You need a thermometer because you want the temperature to be exact." Later... "You want the oil at 180 or 190 or 200." So which the f*ck one is it? Why bother with the thermometer?

* In the corn dogs.. WTF is Italian Spaghetti Sauce ENVELOPE powder doing in corn dog batter? The coating is supposed to taste like CORN BREAD, not something you can't identify. I can see maybe gilding the lily a bit by adding chile powder and a dash of cumin but even THAT's a stretch.

* This woman has got to be making some money. When is she going to get a diction coach? "MELK"! I can't stand it.

* It's not advisable to wear FLOPPY SLEEVES AND SHEER CLOTHING while frying food in deep oil. Isn't there a bad joke about naked bacon frying that comes to mind? DH said, "Why is she wearing a nitie in the kitchen?" Gotta love him!

* Garbage like envelopes and boxes on the counter behind you? WTF?

* "Fry the hot dogs until they reach an internal temp of 160 for safety." Now I'm going out on a limb here because I don't have research or studies or a bibliography but...Aren't hot dogs like bologna? Basically cooked and you just heat them on the grill? I invite someone who knows more than me to let me know.

* Shove some more food in your mouth and talk some more, Sandy. As though your cooking weren't bad enough, I need to hear you garble a sentence or two - ON TELEVISION. And covering your mouth WHILE you talk with your mouth full is no improvement.

* I like to refer to this as THE GLORIFIED BISQUICK SHOW. If Bisquick doesn't hire her, they're fools.

* The frozen bananas. I could not BELIEVE she referred to them as a "healthy snack." Perhaps if you froze a banana, rolled it in peanut butter, then in granola and THEN froze it - the treat would be closer to healthy. But not her way. Potassium, my big fat Italian *****.

* Churros get ONLY CINNAMON & SUGAR. There IS no pumpkin pie spice in them. End of story.


About the obvious phallic references - hear me now. No one on the planet can associate food with sex more effectively or vividly than I. Skeleton woman shoving corn dogs, frozen bananas, and churros in her pie hole with both hands only goes to prove that she is a trophy wife with no real talent...while standing. As overweight as she may be, Ina, lovingly preparing a wonderful meal for her husband is far more sexy than an anorexic hack who can't cook.

[chrose]

Originally Posted by chiffonade

About the obvious phallic references - hear me now. No one on the planet can associate food with sex more effectively or vividly than I. Skeleton woman shoving corn dogs, frozen bananas, and churros in her pie hole with both hands only goes to prove that she is a trophy wife with no real talent...while standing. As overweight as she may be, Ina, lovingly preparing a wonderful meal for her husband is far more sexy than an anorexic hack who can't cook.

Now Chiff....Don't sugar coat it. Tell us how you really feel

That was great! I really gotta catch one of the travestys

[Kerryclan]

About the attire on this episode: she probably showed up with just the spaghetti strap tank and was told to cover-up a little. Or, it was supposed to look like cotton candy for this ode to Festivus.

Another reason why this show is hazardous to the unknowing: Even the most basic of safety rules are not promoted. As Chiff mentioned, never wear long floppy sleeves while cooking, especially deep frying. And she still does not have any knife skills. That bony finger is always extended along the back of the blade and the left hand fingers are in perfect position for amputation.

As far as I know, there is no rule about heating hot dogs to a certain temperature. My brother loved them right out of the fridge as a child and he's still here. Sandy's an idiot.



* Thanks Keeper for the recipe link!

[chiffonade]

That was great! I really gotta catch one of the travestys

The first time I watched this show, I was really hoping for some "shortcuts" that I could use for weeknight fare. I don't use short cuts for holidays, celebrations and days of significance - that's when I pull out all the stops and it's "top shelf everything."

Believe it or not, through Shamdra, I got to better appreciate Rachel Ray and her set of acceptable shortcuts. I don't think using a bag of frozen broccoli is a crime - especially when held up to the twisted standard of La Choy Chinese Vegetables in a can. During one of Sandra's lower moments, she used kids' pudding snacks to make Tiramisu. The other day I was flipping through stations and I heard RR say she was making Tiramisu - I was glued to the TV to see how she short-cutted the cream. She didn't - she used mascarpone. I guess the shortcut was the purchased ladyfingers.

I swear to you - The first time I watched Shamdra dump a can of Campbell's Chicken & Rice soup into a bowl of stuffing mix I did this: . I watched a few more minutes and did one of these: . I watched a few more minutes and did a combination of and . THAT's when I knew she was . The TVFN discussion boards were still up and I went to her "fan" area. My first post was entitled: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." Next thing you know - others were "admitting" that they could NOT believe what this woman was doing on TV in the name of cooking. Then, of course, there were the few "fans" defending her... We'd reply and instruct posters how to really make just about everything on Shamdra's menu for the week. Thus a Movement was born .

Since then, we've been snarking non-stop every Saturday at the funniest show since Friends. Another discussion board was born of this effort and it's called Cassandra Crossing.

[chrose]

Originally Posted by chiffonade

Since then, we've been snarking non-stop every Saturday at the funniest show since Friends. Another discussion board was born of this effort and it's called Cassandra Crossing.

I guess we're not the only ones. I found this one as well: http://forums.televisionwithoutpity....?showforum=743

[chiffonade]

I guess we're not the only ones. I found this one as well: http://forums.televisionwithoutpity...p?showforum=743

Yes! TWOP! Shamdra's show used to have its own "thread" - it's still archived. Eventually, after it reached over 700 pages, they gave her a folder to call our snarking home...LOL. Now they break up episodes like they do every other show. Some of that stuff is the wittiest on the net.

[Mezzaluna]

She sure has kicked up the buzz, hasn't she? Guess we're all doing Food TV's bidding, because I'm sure some of us are tuning in just to see this travesty of a cooking show.

BTW, I consider what Rachel Ray does "speed scratch". She uses some convenience foods, like frozen veggies, but not processed foods to any great degree. Now that boxed stock has gotten decent (see Cook's Illustrated article; they like Swanson's organic chicken stock very much) and there are goodies like creditable jarred roasted red peppers, the cooking world is a different place. No more long trips to the "gourmet food store" buy feta because the mega-mart has it every day and in several forms. Tomatillos? Fresh cilentro? No problem, it's right there in produce. There's just no reason to use some of the more sludgy products (cream of whatever soup, for instance) to make good food any more.

[Kerryclan]

Originally Posted by Mezzaluna

She sure has kicked up the buzz, hasn't she? Guess we're all doing Food TV's bidding, because I'm sure some of us are tuning in just to see this travesty of a cooking show.

Yes!!! I watch it for the same reason people just can't look away from an accident. I doubt that this is what FN or SL had in mind, though.

She does seem like a throwback to the 1950s housewife. All prettied up, in high heels, opening cans and boxes in her "cute" kitchen. The only problem is: that was not reality then and certainly isn't now. Plus, Sandy's meals are even more unhealthy and unappetizing.

I hope she does a Passover episode. "Take the 'mat zoes' and crush them up in your baggie, then put them in the imitation egg mix and add a cup of coffee mate and a packet of taco seasoning and a fruit cup..."

You'll hear me howling from NYC!

[chiffonade]

Originally Posted by Mezzaluna

BTW, I consider what Rachel Ray does "speed scratch".

I'm writing to SOMEONE because I want this term added to Larousse Gastronomique.