Mrs. Miller

GreaseChef · #1 06-01-2006, 05:23 PM

Just need to vent, here goes...

Everyone that has worked in the biz has met their own Mrs. Miller. She, usually a woman, complains about anything and everything and is rude to waitstaff. (If she won the lottery, she'd complain about the taxes.) Always demanding, never happy, and unless widowed is usually accompanied by a very pleasant man who looks like he is patietly waiting for sweet sweet death.

A half dozen years ago my wife said to me, "If I ever get like Mrs. Miller, please just shoot me." Flash forward, and in the past two years I have found myself waking up in the morning with Mrs. Miller laying next to me more and more often.

Fortunately, the transformation is not complete. Although I find myself playing the meak husband 90% of the time (Survival mode I think they call it), there are lucid periods where Mrs. Miller is NOT my wife.

Through the wonders of pharmaceuticals, Mrs. Miller has been absent more often than not in recent weeks. In the past couple of days though, there isn't a happy pill in the world that could relieve our home of Mrs. Miller. (Next week the dosages gets adjusted... Seriously)

Now, back to our agreement 6-7 years ago, I do not think that there is a court in the land that would allow me to say, "Your honor, my wife had a verbal living will that stated that I should pull the plug so to speak if she ever became Mrs. Miller. I therefore plead innocent." Vermont is a liberal state, but not THAT liberal.

In the past I would just go to work early and stay late when Mrs. Miller was in town. Everybody who knows me refers to me as the guy who works a hundred plus hours a week. Right now I am between jobs and evaluating my career. Sadly, I have no place to be that often.

Oh, what spurred the pharmaceutical solution in large part was a phone call that my wife answered last month. "This is Brian from Haliburton, could you tell Derek that we have a position for him in Afganistan."

"Do I really yell that much?"

"Yes, it would be easier to get shot at once in a while to getting ripped a new one for:

making coffee and tea, changing the baby, and letting the dogs out in the wrong order.
putting the stopper on the back of the sink while I clean it.
wearing my kitchen clogs to walk to the mailbox.
wearing my sandals to walk to the mailbox.
wearing my boots to walk to the mailbox.
walking barefoot to the mailbox.
Asking if it is Okay if I wear dress shoes to walk to the Mailbox.
Not painting the porch.
Painting the porch.

I think that I'll pause my vent for a moment or 30 and smoke a cigar. If only I had scotch in the house, I would no longer have scotch in the house.

GreaseChef...

Free Rider · #2 06-01-2006, 05:32 PM

Maybe this will make you feel better: http://www.mil-millington.pwp.blueyo...uk/things.html

To add, I didn't write it and neither am I the girlfriend to which the list refers.

GreaseChef · #3 06-01-2006, 06:25 PM

Free Rider, that is hilarious! I've read about a third, and can unfortunately relate to much of it.

CrazyTATT · #4 06-01-2006, 06:29 PM

Why don't you come on down to VB, and take a "working sabadicle"...I can put you up.

I know EXACTLY how you feel.

GreaseChef · #5 06-01-2006, 06:36 PM

Very tempting, CrazyTatt... I'll even clean your grease traps.

CrazyTATT · #6 06-01-2006, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreaseChef

... I'll even clean your grease traps.

That better not be slang for some kinky act!

Na man, I hear you. I go through the same thing periodically. You know what they say," you can't live with 'em, you can't put 'em in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks"

But over all when things are good, they are really good, but when it gets bad...It IS bad.

GreaseChef · #7 06-01-2006, 08:37 PM

Maybe I should PM this, but the next time that the inlaws come to visit, I'd love to go to VB and spend some time in your kitchen. I had a look at the hotel website, you've got a nice looking dining room.

What's the menu like?

Oh, and cleaning the grease trap is just that. Perhaps the worst possible job in any kitchen.

Mezzaluna · #8 06-01-2006, 08:50 PM

GC, I will admit to being a relative of Mrs. Miller now and then, having reached that certain time of life a few years back. My patient, patient husband has been rewarded richly for his forbearance, I assure you! (Since several CTers have met my Dear Husband, they can attest to his "menchitude".)

Pharmaceuticals help, but time is the best medicine. We do come to our senses and become once more that sweet bride our perfect husbands married.

diane · #9 06-01-2006, 09:50 PM

I have no intention to sound trite, or certainly not dismissive. But have you asked her why these trying times are on you? I do not advocate you chase her down the haway, screaming why why why. But you may get a sensible answer in quieter times. Sometimes people don't know why. But there is always a reason. Possibly, even probably, you may know the answer anyway. Have a think about it. And be gentle with both of you.

panini · #10 06-01-2006, 10:56 PM

to correct a hiccup, you should hold your breath while drinking a glass of water

I'm so lucky, it took my lovely bride 3-5 days to breeze through.

foodnfoto · #11 06-02-2006, 10:32 AM

Gee, GC, it sounds like you're having a rough time. That's too bad.
My esposo and I have loud arguments about seemingly trivial stuff, too, but usually, with a little digging, find out that the surface reason is not the REAL reason for the riff.
I had a good friend give me some great advice about conflicts one time that I'll share-it works with anyone-spouse, parent, kid, coworker etc. unless they are just a complete idiot.
It's a three step formula:
Step 1- State the facts of the situation as you see them. "When you brush your teeth while looking in the mirror, little flecks of toothpaste spray all over the mirror" No one can really argue with the logic of that.
Step 2- State how those facts affect you and make you feel. "When that happens, it just makes more housecleaning for me to have to do and I already feel overwhelmed by it all." Again, no one can really argue with how facts make you feel.
Step 3- State what you would like to be done differently in the future and offer some alternatives. "I'd like to be responsible for less house cleaning, so could you take on the bathroom once a week or windex the mirror after you brush?"

Mezzaluna · #12 06-02-2006, 11:44 AM

FnF, did you ever teach? We train kids to "argue" productively in a similar way, either by example or directly if they don't pick up on it. Concise, focused statements and careful listening are the keys!

GreaseChef · #13 06-02-2006, 03:40 PM

Today has been good.

FoodNFoto, good advice, I am actually very much like that. I might add that I never lead off with a negative.

example: "That chicken you are breaking down looks great for the stew that we are going to make. However, if you find the joint with your knife and cut like so, you get a nicer finished product and don't work so hard."

In the last few months I think that my wife's big hang-up has been financial. We took over a dumpy diner to see if it was financially viable. With a population of 180 in our town, and the building falling down (literally), and no snow for ski season, we managed to make no money for my 100 hour weeks of serious hash slinging.

Toss in some debt, bad tenants at our rental place, a 17 month old who seriously restricts our schedules, and the fact that since we have met, both of her brothers have died, and you have a recipe for tension.

Unfortunately, all of the above explains alot, but does not justify any of it. If you have a bad day, week or year, you still should not dump on your significant other. Terrible stuff, but does not justify ripping me a new one for wearing the wrong shirt today.

Anyway, today has been really good... No more venting from me.

diane · #14 06-02-2006, 06:24 PM

Now that is serious stress. For both of you. And I feel for you both. Seems the Mrs. has gone into bite mode, and I understand why. Having a young one, is no help, beloved as the wee one is. I think the hardest thing is for you to bite your tongue, divert her to laughter if you can. She probably loves all your shirts, and you, but hates some of her circumstances. So you become the whipping post. I know what that is like. I would also advance the theory she is suffering from fear, not anger. Although it doesn't feel that way to you. Of course. It seems a time when you have to carry all the responsibilty, and you do. She could well relax into that care, and become a different wife.

Now is that fair? Well, yes it is, because we uphold each other at different times don't we. We all have patches of non coping. We all do. I have been married for only 33 years, it may seem quite a while, but to us it is yesterday. Do we argue? Yes we do, and sometimes quite vehemently. Do we chuck hissy fits on each other, yes we do. Do I choose to be silent for several days, yes I do. Does he go out and spend money on some dumb d**n thing without discussing it with me, yes he does, and we don't need it, or want it.

Does life go on? Yes, it does. Take heart dear soul. It is hard, I know. But you can hold your family, your business, and your own life together, and it is worth it. And she will love you more.

panini · #15 06-02-2006, 07:47 PM

I was so far off on Mrs. Miller. I thought she was going through a change in life.dah
This is just my personal view on a relationship.
A relationship is pretty close to employment. It's a job that you have to work at. Your payment for going to work is in the form of happiness, less stress/tension, etc. Don't go to work and you don't get paid. Don't work hard and you have the stress, tension etc. There is no quick fix.
Personally I feel that one doesn't really have a chance at true friendship until they experience, or are close to, some sort of life trauma. I also think that a friend is the only way to have a sucessful non pseudo relationship. The stereotype of a relationship is just not natural. Good friends or buddies don't feel the need to work at how the friendship is supposed to be. They are friends that have the ability to understand each others faults or strenghts.
Align or become close/'help out' with someones trauma and watch how human nature will make your everyday troubles grow smaller and smaller. I know you're in a small town, but find a Ronald McDonald House/childrens hospital etc. and go donate 1 hour of your week to help someone out. I guarantee it will divert any negetive focus little by little.
I have been with my wife over 25 yrs. and we have been in the position of being very close to losing one another at different times. We're blessed that we don't have to work at what we have anymore.
These are just my thought and I probably haven't done a good job at expressing what I'm trying to say, but, take a day 6 yrs, ago when a doctor told me" I'll give you a perscription for your little boy to spend the night in the transplant ward tonight because I fear she might not make it till morning" it prioritizes everything.
The best of wishes to anyone working at a relationship.
Panini
oh GC, thanks for the lead to Jed's. We have already done some business.