[Anneke]

My mom knew she wouldn't find drugs; she was after my love letters! She made sport of it though and now we don't talk much. But I turned out ok. SHe might have been a tyrant but at least she took an interest. It's up to parents to raise their kids, not teachers or the system or TV. There are such wonderful examples of great parents out there who do nothing extraordinary but are there for their kids and spend enough time with them to understand how to read them. They are true heros today. Bless you.

I hate when things like this happen. My son will be starting school next year and I hate to think of these things! But it seems it will continue to be a concern! What is going on with these kids that this happens? Is it us parents? How do these parents not know that their kids have guns or bombs.. sometimes even making them in their own rooms! In my house, we were just not allowed to have our doors closed until we were out of high school. My parents never came in without knocking or lingered at the door... but you just could not keep the door to your room closed for hours without my mother coming up and opening the door and giving you the "child are you crazy?" look!

I know that it violates the trust issue, but I do believe that if I though my kid was up to something, I would search through his things, check his backpack each morning, whatever it took to make sure he is doing the right thing! Some parents have said that they don't want to invaid on their kids privacy, that then their kids won't trust them. I think my kids should trust that I will always love them, feed them and keep a roof over their heads.... but I don't really care if my kids trust that I would stay out of their rooms.... I think the knowing that I will be in their stuff could keep out some of the bad stuff!

[Mezzaluna]

Where did he get the gun?

When was the last time you heard of an incident like this in, say France, where private gun ownership is rare? Do they have fewer rights than we do? I think not, and I'd love to have many European countries' education and child care systems.

The key to this horrible story is that the adults did not do what adults are supposed to do.

[kokopuffs]

Funny, I'm 47 and grew up in the California desert. We all owned firearms and did lots of hunting and plinking. If there were differences to settle, we always discussed things that occasionally led to fisticuffs. The idea of using firearms to settle differences never entered OUR heads.

The problem these days is parental neglect, much of it arising from single parent families.

Kokopuffs:

Amen to most of what you said. Firearms are not the problem. People are the problem. In addition, I think the media is to blame for their overblown coverage which encourages copycats.

Amen, Papa. Glad you feel better.

When I went to school all boys were required to take ROTC. We were given fully-functional M-1 rifles (.30-06) and we had fully-functional BAR's (Browning Automatic Rifles and fully-automatic .30-06). We even had a rifle range on campus and a rifle team and shot .22 rifles. NOT ONCE did any kid ever even think of loading one of the M-1's or BAR's and the rifle shooting we did with the .22's was very carefully supervised by regular army non-coms. This was on a campus of 3,000 kids grades 1-12 which had a principal, a vice principal and a couple of secretaries to run the entire school. Discipline was not a problem. The biggest discipline problems we had were talking and chewing gum. I know of NO instance of school shootings or knifings within the entire Memphis TN school system during the time I went to school.

When I took Navy ROTC in college, we were issued fully-functional Springfield "03's (the WWI bolt action .30-06). Again, no one EVER even thought of loading one of these things. On a rifle team match held at Paris Island, we were qualified on the M-1's and .45 auto pistols.

In addition, all the boys carried knives, usually Boy Scout type knives. NEVER was a knife used to settle a dispute.

As a kid, I always had access to a loaded firearm, but was taught not to touch it unless under my Father's supervision. Violation of this rule carried serious consequences. He taught me to shoot when I was about 4 years old.

When I got my marksmanship merit badge in the Boy Scouts, my Instructor/Judge was a Memphis Police Inspector. We shot on the police range in the basement of police headquarters. After the range work, he gave me a .22 sem-automatic rifle with which my Dad and I walked out of police headquarters in plain view. This was not perceived as a problem by the myriad of policemen or civilians we encountered on the way to our car.

All of the foregoing just goes to show that it is not an issue of the means available to do harm, but the attitude and education of the individuals who have access to the means.

As Papa has pointed out, the media and Hollywood have glorified violence. Parents have lost control of their kids. People no longer seem to perceive the difference between fantasy and real life.

Just look where we have come from. I very well remember when there was absolutely NO security checks to even board a commercial aircraft, no metal detectors or police in schools, etc. Now, many cities have a separate police department just for the school system. You know you have a problem when the police departments have to have Gang and Street Crime units and SWAT teams. These did not exist when I was growing up. There was respect for the rule of law.

As I have mentioned in another post, I was appalled at the violence that existed during the Seattle Mardi Gras riots. People were acting like vicious animals. Completely savage. I saw no such violence in the two real Mardi Gras I attended in New Orleans when I was in college.

Something has gone seriously awry in our society. New gun laws are not going to solve the problem.

Now, I feel a little better too.

[Papa]

Dear Crudeau:

Eloquently stated.

Papa, thank you for your kind words.

[SeattleDeb]

Can't blame it all on the media---many things have changed as well.

So many kids are left unsupervised by their parents after school. I guess I was lucky because someone always seemed to be home for me after school. I can't imagine what it's like for these kids to come home every day to an empty house, left up to their own devices, and their tired folks come in after a hard day's work at 6pm, 7pm, or later.

If thelogg is reading, De Anza is where I went to junior college!

Deb:

My Mother didn't start working outside the home until I was in the 9th grade. I'm sure glad now that she was always home when I got home from school in the first 8 years of school. I think that made a lot of difference for my sister and I. Of course, in those days, most households were like that and families could make it on one income too.

Many things have changed and quite a few not for the better.

[SeattleDeb]

Crudeau: It's true, hard to live on one income these days. Within my circle of friends here in WA and in CA..a few (6) have left their jobs over the last few years, given up a lot (careerwise) with LOTS of cutting back on the homefront, to be with their kids-and help them through some difficult issues with school/depression/learning disabilities.

Of course they're not single, so they do have the other income to rely on. Having many friends (and family members) who are single and struggling financially, I know this would be impossible.

[lynne]

Hopefully there are 2 things that can help foster the family time spent or less time for kids spent alone, and maybe people need to learn not to overextend themselves financially and that a good life doesn't necessarily mean bigger and better.

I have a friend that took a position with a school system (chef manager--definitely not a glamour job!) -- but, she's at work while her son is in school and gets home 1/2 hour after he does. She dedicates that extra time to being the best mother (and father) to her son that she can be! She's got excellent benefits; but a nowhere job. The acrifice she made so she can help with homework, go to ball games, cub scouts, etc. Maybe once he's older; she may go back to the freestanding restaurant work she loves so much, but in the meantime, she feels she has a duty.

Hopefully, with technology being more widespread and telecommunications being available to everyone, there may be more people who will spend time eith their kids--the key is to use the home office wisely and not hide away in it. Maybe work off hours or flex time so those important afterschool hours are covered. Share time with your neighbors--the kids life you could be saving could be yours-or theirs.

I too am so thankful Mom was always home when I got there. She was my sounding board -- maybe I vented because I was picked on or teased, got it out of my system and relaxed. Life went on. For kids that never see their parents, who do they get to discuss their feelings and hurts with? You see too many parents come home and disappear into a bedroom to play on the computer or settle in to watch "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" without ever really paying attention to our future, our kids.

Sorry for the soap box, but I've vented now and I, too, feel better for it!

[palmier]

I was walking by a TV yesterday, when I heard about the shootings. The newscaster was interviewing a friend of the culperate. The camera kept panning the parents who were standing behind a police line, waiting to pick-up their children. I just had to put down my head and pray.
I've got two great kids of my own. I make sure to tell them every day that I love them.We dont always see eye to eye. My daughter (who is almost twelve) often wonders why I ask so many questions, when she wants to hang with her friends.Who's house, what time, are the parents home, etc etc. "It's not fair" she says..."other parents dont treat their kids like this".......
Yesterday, when I got home, my 8 year old son came tearing around the corner to jump at me to hug me, just like he always does. I then went to find my daughter. When I found her in her room, she asked me what the problem was. "Nothing" I said..."I just wanted a hug". I think she knows now why I ask so many questions.
If you have children...go tell them you love them. That's a start.

The best thing a Father can do for his kids is to love their Mother.

[Anneke]

Crudeau, that's so underrated, isn't it? I've been saying that for years. How can a kid respect him mom if his dad can't? And vice-versa too! Parents are all about showing a good example. Lynne I really liked you piece too. Some parents have to realise that you can't always 'have it all'. If your kids are going to be a secondary priority, you should probably think twice about having them, or be prepared for a major shift in lifestyle.

I want to back track for a moment and express my concern over something that was said about films and the general media. My problem with the movies is not that they are getting increasingly violent (Shakespeare was more gruesome than any of them, by the way), it's that Hollywood feels obligated to keep the politically correct crowd happy by misrepresenting the true consequences of violence. Case in point: Terminator II: Arnold shoots til the cows come home but never actually kills anyone. Any action flick you see out there is like that: you see flashes and hear the clashing noises from gunfire, bombs etc, but film directors refuse to show just how much damage these actions would realistically cause. Everyone always escapes scotfree. And I won't even discuss Road Runner! If you are going to shoot a violent scene, at least be responsible enough to show the true consequences: they are ugly and tragic and real.

THe other thing that really pisses me off are all those pieces about jails in America. Joan Lunden did one recently. She toured a max security jail for women and interviewed the poor jail birds as if they were the victims. Not onece did she talk about their crime or about their true victims. THis is showing me that if you do a crime and get caught you have America's sympathy. It was infuriating! It's no wonder that it's considered cool to have a criminal record in some parts...