Food Humour

[coolJ]

I am looking to compile a list of food/cooking jokes and comics, and haven't been able to find much more than the standard fly in the soup type jokes, can anyone help me out, either by sharing a joke or posting a web link ?.
TIA,
Jeff

[Kimmie]

Hey CoolJ,

Click here for soup jokes.

[coolJ]

Thanks Kimmie. Those are really hilarious.

[monpetitchoux]

The whole clan out in hillbilly county was excited to receive Bob coming home from the university. He was the first in his whole family to go to college. Everyone came to the gathering where they feasted on barbecue with all the fixings. Right before dessert, a hush came over the crowd as Bob's father got on the hay bale. He turned to Bob and said, "Son, we are all proud of you for studying so hard and making it to the university. We are even prouder of you fro returning home to your roots so that you can serve as a shining example to the rest of the young'uns. Now, because the rest of us couldn't go to college, tell us what was the most important thing you learned in school?"

Bob thought for a little while. Finally, he lifted his head and said, "pi r² (pi r squared)." A small gasp reverberated through the crowd mixed with looks of perplexion. Finally, Bob's mother stepped forward and said, "But son, that's wrong. Everyone knows that pie are round. Cornbread are squared."

That was for the foodie mathematician (any besides me?)

[Kimmie]

You're welcome CoolJ.

and Montpetitchoux,

that's so cute!

I know very few clean and/or tasteful jokes, but here goes (apologies to any WV chefs out there) -

Q: How many West Virginians does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

A: Two - one to stir and another to squeeze the rabbit.

A Brit, and Irishman and a Scot were in a pub drinking their pints. A fly was buzzing around, and finally landed in the Brit's glass; he made a face, and ordered another beer. A few minutes later, another fly landed in the Irishman's beer; he shook his head, fished out the fly, and continued drinking his brew. Yet another fly landed in the Scot's beer. He angrily hauled it out and started shaking it over his glass, shouting "spit it out, you sod, spit it out!"

[foodnfoto]

Okay, I've been holding off until the WV joke.

Why did the Lord make armadillos?
So Texans can have 'possum on the half-shell.

(My apologies to any Texans, but where else do armadillos live?)

How many does it take to eat an armadillo?
Three-one to eat and two to watch for cars.


[ July 06, 2001: Message edited by: foodnfoto ]

[nancya]

How do you know if the head chef is a clown?

When the food tastes funny.

[Pastachef]

These are so funny! LOL! And that one is cute, Nancya.

[Papa]

Thank you guys!

[nancya]

Tripped over some food funnies for you.

We'll just see if I did the copy and paste right.
http://jokes.ncbuy.com/cgi/subcat.cgi?category=cultfood

[Mezzaluna]

Maryeo! Good to see you again! The rabbit joke sounds like some of the Belgian jokes I heard in France.

[pompeyams]

Doctor i,ve got strawberries growing from my bum dont worry i,ve got some cream for that
British humour hope you enjoyed that been racking my brain for days to think of a food joke

[coolJ]

Pompeyams, I love British humor. my theatre group actually runs a british pub night every spring, about four or five performances. filled with songs, sketches and jokes.

[Kimmie]

Martha Stewart's Social Tips

GENERAL ETIQUETTE

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table...no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.


THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.