what to do when first love ends...

[Jamp]

Hi... I'm new here and feel like I have been listening in on a couple of women in the booth behind me.. trying not to listening but not succeeding! Ya know what I mean.. LOL!
April, I believe that when the pit of your stomach is aching do whatever it takes to make it stop. I know it sounds just way too simple but after many years going from bad to really horrible relationships the only thing that was common was that when at any point I got that gut feeling things weren't right, for whatever reason, and I ignored it, things got worse. Never better. Its amazing how what they say is true.. when you stop looking it finds you. Just find a way to calm that feeling in your gut... dump him, date him, forget him, or just eat a lot of ice cream but do what makes your true inner gut feel better. If you listen to your head then you rationalize it and put up with way more than you should, and we know how our hearts can sure screw things up, but the pit of the stomach never lies.. well unless you've had bad seafood!
And its about the time you think.. Ya know I've been pretty happy ALONE that "Mr. Just About Perfect" shows up.

But to help right now...

MY GENERAL RULES TO GET OVER THE BAD ONES!
1st step to any recovery... forget what it was like in the "good times".. if you walked (or ran) away there was a reason.. give yourself some time to dwell on those.

2nd step.. make a list of exactly why you ended things. I mean actually write it down. Don't cheat and make it up in your head. Put it on paper.

3rd step... Write down how you deserve and want to be treated. Put it on some pretty paper and on the bottom sign it. (We give more weight to the papers we sign.)

4th... Keep those two lists by your bed. When you start to think "Maybe I was better off with him" take out the one from step 2 and it becomes very clear that you're wrong.
Then read the list from number three.

I know it may sound silly but it got me through a really horrible divorce and then several years of dating later. I still have the list from step 3 laying in a small satin covered box next to my bed. In the same box are all the letters from the man who is laying here asleep next to me just like everynight for the past year and a half. Because when ALL of the things on your list come true it will be a happiness that makes all the bad times fade away. And you will never feel that twisted weight in the pit of your stomach again.

[Risa]

I officially broke up with my first boyfriend/love of over 4 years last November, but it was basically over for about a year. That made it an easy decision because I had been miserable that last year. He was my best friend for the first three years and we could talk about everything and anything. Then, he started being more secretive and I began to catch him lying. I tried to convince myself that it was just my imagination and possible insecurity because he had moved up to Chicago and we didn't see each other as much anymore. I tried to talk to him to clear the air and he would immediately be defensive, even at a totally innocuous question like "what did you have for dinner last night?" It got to the point where I basically didn't know what we could even talk about anymore. That was the most painful part of the relationship; I lost my best friend. I got more and more depressed; then, something changed soon after Sept. 11th. I was reminded that life was too short and it was time to move on. I wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision, so it took me another month before I made it official. I also wanted a little more time with Theo who was really my ex's dog, but he had lived with me for 3/4 of his life. I knew that my ex wouldn't give me Theo and I realized that I couldn't move on with my own life if Theo stayed with me. Losing Theo was the most heart-wrenching part of the breakup and that's what still makes me cry. I miss Theo everyday, but I don't miss my ex at all. He actually still calls about once a month and asks if I can make him a batch of cookies -- as if!

I'm alone now except for two heaven-sent Australian shepherds (Glory and Pippin), turning 30 in a few weeks and very content. I wouldn't say I'm completely happy because I want children and a family, but I'd say that life is pretty good. I lost a lot of myself with my first love and I'm now rediscovering my own value. I'm just a little worried that I'm liking my independence too much.

[kokopuffs]

I had a real major psychological upheaval over the fact that "she didn't love me anymore" back last November. I needed counseling for a few sessions. What helped alot was being with friends and going out on the town to take my mind off of her as well. I realized that there are more fish in the pond, too. GET OUT THERE as the commercial says.