Stupid Human Tricks

As a sideline to the "Killing Waistaff" thread, I gotta ask ya'll... what's the dumbest thing you ever heard from a customer.

Mine came about in 1983 when I hooked into a seafood purveyor who could supply "A" quality Yellowfin Tuna. Back then, Tuna wasn't very common on menus. Anyway, the first night I ran it as a special, some boob announced to the server that there was NO SUCH THING AS FRESH TUNA...it only came in Cans

Cheers,
TopChef

[This message has been edited by TopChef (edited October 07, 2000).]

[Nick.Shu]

heheh, i had the most sycophantic customer come in one day and requested the chargrilled quail with a soy and honey sauce.

Hehe, i pulled a quail out of the freezer, stuck it in the microwave, panfried it, dumped it in the deepfrier, back in the microwave, on the chargrill, into a pot to poach, then back on the grill.

The customer actually came into kitchen to personally thank me for the best ever chargrilled quail.

Hehe, there is nothing funnier than a self appointed expert without knowledge.

[shroomgirl]

Nick you did it again LOL at 7am, not even consumed 1/2 cup of coffee yet.

Many of my cooking directions are cook until hot.....with a suggested time 10-15 minutes 400* etc.....I love the question how can I tell it's hot, a chef friend says stick your finger in it and if it isn't painful it's not done.

i pulled a quail out of the freezer, stuck it in the microwave, panfried it, dumped it in the deepfrier, back in the microwave, on the chargrill, into a pot to poach, then back on the grill.[/b]

Just how big do Aussie quails get, Nick..LOL

Cheers,
TopChef

[shroomgirl]

gotta be the size of a quarter after that treatment.....inhumane cooking of tiny bird....But the Customer is Always Right
LOL

[Mezzaluna]

I once heard a diner inform another diner that a caper is a kind of mushroom... then go into exquisite detail about how they were prepared. I almost fell off my chair laughing!

[UniChef]

Yeah, I love the ones who tell you how to cook the food, then they complain about it. I had a guest tell me how to cook the salmon on our menu, in a tinfoil tent. Turns out he was the restaurant reviewer in the local paper. He slammed me for the salmon, even thought I cooked it exactlly as he asked!

Fortunatlly, he loved everything else, and we went down as one of his all time favorites.

[shroomgirl]

Is that tin foil tent like the one you put over the turkey at Thanksgiving? I did learn a great trick, use butter wrappers to cover a quick poach in the oven.

My all time best ever request is for an order of cinnamon/brown sugar toast...fine as a dessert perhaps even for breakfast...but as your dinner in an Italian restaurant...!

[cookM]

We once had some customer come back into the kitchen and ask us how we kept the asparagus "so green". (??????)
I mean, we were just simply blanching it.

Speaking of stupid waiter tricks...once I went into a friend's restaurant near the end of lunch. I ask the wait what kind of fish is in the special. She says,"Marin fish" instead of mahi mahi. My friend, the chef, blew up when she realized this wait had told this to all the lunch customers.

[Pete]

We used to have a regular who came in to eat our duck at least once a week. She then started to culinary school. After a few weeks, she came in and ordered the duck like usual. When asked how she liked the duck her reply was "Until I became a chef I thought it was great, now I think it's just alright." A chef after 3 weeks of culinary school? Needless to say she didn't last through the culinary program.

[Nick.Shu]

One of the more funnier examples of this was a time we had a new chef and he had plaaned a banquet meal for some customers and was given the ok.

On the day he blanched/braised some artichokes and cooked them to perfection, and then plated and garnished them.

Ever so keen to find out how the customers were enjoying the artichokes, he stuck his head outside to look at the table of the banquet, only to be greeted by complete silence and blank looks on the customers.

After he came back into the kitchen, he looked at me, burst out laughing and said "it appears that our customers dont know how to eat artichokes".

Apparently, he had to go into the dining room and explain to the customers how to eat the dish!.

Originally posted by Mezzaluna:
I almost fell off my chair laughing!

You get to sit on chairs?

JK...I get the point.

Cheers.
TopChef

[UniChef]

All these stories really jogs my memory.

One time I had a tallow sculpture (puff paste shortening really)left over from a banquet we did for the Secretary of the Treasury. It was an eagle on top of the world. I put it out on the happy hour buffet in the bar the next day.

A drunk pilot came in and ripped the wing off the eagle, put it on his plate (with the toothpicks that I used for superstructure sticking out) along with some carrot and celery sticks and proceeded to eat it. The bartender was laughing so hard they couldn't get a drink out of her for 15 minutes!

[shroomgirl]

That definately goes under Gross Food Thread.....ugh