My biggest problem in the kitchen, is not my staff (very hard working), not my cooks (all very dedicated (save one or two)), but my family. I knew things would be tough on the family life, but sometimes I think my wife is going to walk out on me one of these days. I average about 85 to 90 hours a week. On average how many hours a week is everyone else averaging, and how do you still take care of the loved ones?

This was one of the biggest stuggles I had to deal with in the kitchen. When it was just my wife and I it did not present such a problem, but later when our three kids came along things got really tough. Probably the biggest thing that helped us Joe was communication and planning. If you have a good partner, then you will do fine.

Bob

I feel your pain Joe. Recently my boyfriend and I broke up because of my work as a cook. I love, love, love, what I do, but I just can't figure out how to make a relationship and my passion for cooking to work.


Jacky

[Jim]

I think, to some extent, there really is no escape from the hours that go with being in restaurant work. It is ineveitable, that when there is a holiday, you work. When it is a weekend, you work. Whenever there is a special event, you work. On the other hand, the work that you do for these events or meals must be rewarding enough to keep you coming back, night after night. Personally, once we started a family, I moved into the corporate dining sector to get at least some normallcy to my schedule. While I don't work 9-5 Monday through Friday, I don't work 90 hours a week, at all hours. I think the hours alone keep alot of otherwise interested people out of our industry. It is unfortunate, but not easily rectified.

I run into the same challenges in my family life. My wife and I have three small children and trying to balance family life and work life is next to impossible. I think the worst time is the holidays. My family wants me home, work wants me there. The upside is I have been able to work around my daughters kindergarten schedule and volunteer in her class. All the other dads work 9 to 5 shifts and can't do it. Of course they are always home in the evenings. I think the familys and spouses of cooks and chefs are the most patient and understanding people in the world. To put up with our schedules and work demands, they all deserve our respect and praise.

I have had the same problem. The thing I did after I lost a girlfriend of 5 years because my love for cooking was stronger than my love for her(obviously) was ask myself what was more important. And that was not easy. It took alot of time, but I decided that my future family was more important than cooking for strangers. So I am now in corporate working anywhere from 50 - 65 hours, mostly from 6:30 am on, and no weekends(usually) Is it the same as the restaurant? -- No. But it is not bad. My personal life isn't either - it is great, I am engaged to be married in Sept. with someone that I met in corporate. I couldn't be happier. But the flipside is the money in corporate is not the same as cheffing in a big time restaurant, so now I search for something that can give me that BALANCE we all need in our lives. As long as I focus on whats most important in my life. And now I know what that is. Best of luck to you all!

[Nicko]

johnnythehat, I am also engaged and will be getting married in Sept (Sept 30th to be exact), congratulations.

Looking back, I never lost anyone to the restaurant business, but that was only because I never made time for it. The only women I met were the ones who worked with at the restuarant, and I never dated in the work place. Without a doubt, it is a tough business, and I have worked in it since I was thirteen as a busboy in my uncle's restaurant. All through highschool I worked every weekend and as I moved up through the ranks of the kitchen my hours increased. As I got into various jobs as a cook and later as a chef I was amazed at the stereotype that our industry sets for work ethic. What I mean is that often people worked at the restaurnat even when they really didn't need to. Of my past work places a few come to mind were we were very well staffed, and it would of been very easy for everyone to work 45 hours a week. I was in the upper management at the time (executive sous chef), and felt we really did not need to be working 75 hour weeks. Any attempt to get this theory into a reality was poorly received. This experience happend in serveral other places I worked, and it was very clear to me that a pattern was developing. What I found is that most people accept the sterotype that as a chef you need to work 65,75,85,90 hour weeks, and that is that. The fact is I know chefs who lead very balanced lives and work very hard at training their staff so that they don't have to be at the restaurant 24/7, and can lead a more normal life. In the end I think that the hours you work, and the life you give your family is a choice. Some choose to work endless hours, and others choose to spend time with family and loved ones.

This has always been a concern of mine, how do you balanace personal, professional and eventually family. I think that the more this industry opens up, ie: privite chefs, cooking schools, home food services etc. the more opportunities there is for us. I work at a very busy catering company and I rarely work holidays, and only if I want to. I think it is about finding your niche. I understand that some people feel they arent cooking if they are not sweating behind the line. I decided that was not for me. I do menu devolpment and recipe research. It was the best job move I have ever done. I also think it is impportant to find a place that is family oriented (sp?), that way you can unguiltily go if there is a family occasion. If it is your own place, then it is probably different working for yourself.

Well, this is obviously a topic that there is a lot to say about. Nicko...wow...you hit a heart string. I totally agree with you that if you have the staff, there is no need for everyone to work 75 hours a week. I tried also to spread this theory, and like you said, it was not well recieved. For one banquet kitchen, we had a room chef, assistant (me), a chef tournant, and an am and pm sous chef. With THAT MUCH management staffing, NO manager should be working 60 hours a week. However, you hit it on the head when you said that most people accept the sterotype that chefs work a lot, but I personally think there is a limit. I currently work 65 hours a week, and I really think that is too much. Especially with three children and a wife. If you are single, you have nothing else to do. But maintaining a job and a family is a fine line. I also think that it is important to have a boss that shares your views. If your boss thinks you need to work 70 hours a week, then you will always lose. It is a decision; one which I have been battling with myself. I think we can all agree on that. If cooking is your passion, then you sacrifice to do what you love.

[Nicko]

Chef_Scott,
Someone once told me that when you come to the end of your life you will never look back and say "I sure wish I would of worked more". You will look back and say I should of spent more time with my wife or my little girl.

When I think about the last place I was at it, I still don't understand why anyone was working so much. We had an am sous, pm sous, executive chef, and an junior sous. Still we somehow managed to work six days a week, and abou 70+ hours a week. Looking back, I agree with you in that a lot depends on the owner. Our owner was a work-a-holic, and had no sense of time outside of the work place. It was a tough call, but I finally decided to back to school and get a degree in computers. At times I feel like a sell-out for leaving the business, but I enjoy what I do with ChefTalk, and so things have panned out pretty well.

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Best Regards,

Nicko
nicko@cheftalk.com

[m brown]

Nicko,
Never say you left the business! You are sharpening another edge of the business. You don't have to be in the kitchen to work in the culinary industry.
If you hadn't left your old job and gone to school, I think many of us would not have this great outlet!
Things have panned out very well indeed.



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Thank You,
mb

[Nicko]

Thanks M brown, it is encouraging to hear those words. The fact is I often miss the action of the kitchen, and find myself wishing I were back in the kitchen. I think ChefTalk has been a good transition, and it has really allowed me a lot more time for things I like to do such as cook at home for family and friends. Something I never used to do, because I was always working all the time. I have to say though that looking at all the time I spend on keeping ChefTalk up and running, it is easy to fall back into old habits and just work your life away. Having said that, I think whatever profession you are in can **** the life out of you if you let it. Keeping balance with what you do is very important, and I think that for me if I am making a decision about work and family I am always going to choose what is best for my family.




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Best Regards,

Nicko
nicko@cheftalk.com

I have just gotten a new job as a Sous Chef and as I was looking for this job, the whole family thing (and time for myself) was of major importance to me. I have accpeted a job in one of the best hotels in Old Town Alexandria Virginia. In my contract I stated that I had to have Sundays off, for my family and would not work more than 50 hours a week, for me. Don't be scared to ask for time off and leave early on a slow day. Remember the old saying "work smarter rather than harder" If you are good at what you do and can do it rather quickly or delagate the job to others (a major key to having a life in this business) you shouldn't have to work 60+ hours a week, and have wives and children complaining that your never home. We all work so we can enjoy something else, if all you do is work you will NEVER enjoy work to the fullest or the other things that are important to you, Families should be Number 1!

Way to go all of you ! The six day work weeks have got to be the exception not the norm . 12 and 14 hour days need to be the exception and all of us need to start preaching this work ethic . 9 to 10 hour days are enough for me . Good luck and keep cookin .

I must confess that this has always been a difficult area for me as well. Few boyfriends could tough out my schedule and most of them ended up going out without me only to find someone new. The more I think about it the more depressed I get (and no if you are wondering, I don't weigh 300+ pounds). I am just an average person who is very dedicated to cooking. To be honest after all these years I don't really know if you can be a chef without being really really dedicated. It is your life, and everything else comes after.

At least that has been my experience.