Being gay in kitchens - Page 2

Athenaeus · #16 03-10-2002, 02:35 AM

I had the same question too. Why you ask.

I think that in a working environment it's easy to be hurt.

Someone can mention that you are too short, too fat, too thin etc etc etc

Being a homosexual doesn't belong to the "characteristics" that they are obvious to others unless the homosexual decides to let everyone know.Something that homosexuals never miss an opportunity to do so of course, and I wonder why

I have very bad experiencies from homosexuals in working environments. I never ask people what they did the previous night but some people insist to tell you.
Nice trick.

If you ever think to confront them for doing something wrong they start accussations that you are prejudiced against homosexuals.

I think that your preferencies have nothing to do with your job.

I just wish the homosexuals agreed on that too ,at least the majority of them.

shahar · #17 03-11-2002, 12:40 AM

I'm not trying to bash you, just give you a bit of a counter.
I can gather you're not homosexual(no I'm not going to claim you're repressed). Well, you ptobably never tried understanding the processes involved in growing as one.
Even now days, these days of freedom, it involve being a second rate citizen, growing in an envoirment that doesn't give you almost any preperation toward your real life.

You probably ask why "second citizen", hey you can be whatever you want to be in the states. Not really. Take an example from real life. I'm an american citizen. While living in Israel I got into a relationship for four years with a guy. When I came back to the states, I couldn't get a green card from him. In order to come back to my home, I need to cut off...
Same situation, I met a girl, I can marry her and move back with her.
Simple real life. I DON'T have the same rights as other citizens. I hope that in the future people would look at it like on women rights. How could any body think to deny voting from females only ninty years ago?!

Secondly, during the forming years, no one tell you about it in a positive reaffirming way(my parents did, but they are rare). That means growing up, and realize things you know aren't suppose to be.

Homosexuals showing it off?! Yeah, being visible, that's the only way to get rights and place in sociaty. For years conservative kept anty gay laws in place, because no one would come up against them. We were taught to fear expressiom of basic life. How many straight people kiss in a bus?! In kitchens I hear so mucn talk about girls and hetro-sex. I don't care it's their expression.
Personlly I keep my sex life to myself. Because that's good for ME. When people act differently than me, it might be good for them. I don'y try to project their behaviour on my self.

I had bad exprainces in kitchens. All kinds, for example I was sexually harassed by a male chef. I quited. Now, he was probably gay, so what. Before being gay or male or chef, he was an a-hole. He doesn't represnt any group to me beside a-holes.

Athenaeus · #18 03-11-2002, 02:12 AM

I sympathize with your personal adventures .Love stories of this kind always break my heart.

I think that everyone who faces such problems in his working environment should immediately sue his/her employee.

If you don't, things will never change. Complaining is one thing , doing something about it is the most important.

I am sure that in the States there must be organisations that fight for the rights of the homosexuals and they have effective legal teams.

Maybe you should ask for their legal support. What you described in your post is 100% a legal issue and in my opinion you can win your case.

It's very helpful that you belong to a well organised minority .
Imagine what would happen if you were an emigrant and you were abused in your work.

You would have to pay for the lawyer from your pocket with a minimum possibility of winning your case.

chefboy2160 · #19 03-11-2002, 10:58 PM

Excuse me for maybe being politicaly incorrect but I am gay in the kitchen . To me gay means happy like Robin Hood and his band of gay merry men . I am heterosexual but I do not bring this up in the workplace . My personal life is my own and my work depends on my preformance . Sex is not my job , customer service is . I dont care who you are or where you come from , just do your job
without these stigmas please . Lose the ego , of course thats just my opinion ........................

monkeymay · #20 03-12-2002, 01:09 AM

What about if you're a Latino immigrant/queer and you are abused at work?
Does that make it any easier to belong to a "well organized minority?"
Does that fact that we have well accepted gay public figures (Rosie finally came out this week) detract from incidents like Matthew Sheppard, who was beaten and crucified on a fence post in Laramie, Wyoming for his open gayness? Why is gay behavior considered more overt than hetro male grab *** and d***k talk in the kitchen?

It comes down to your perception level and tolerance of this lifestyle. .

The fact that most people who come out have struggled with these difficult
decisions regarding acceptance by the rest of the world. Coming out means freely admiting who you are and being proud of that decision.The "don't ask-don't tell" mentality breeds fear and shuns recognition. Straight people never have to make that decision. Their behavior is the accepted norm. So it seems easy to pass judgement on someone whose core being is defined by the difference in their sexuality.

I also take issue with the ease that litigation is brought to the matter .
Sexual harrasment suits are never easy- for both men and women, gay/straight. It means exposing yourself to all kinds of scrutiny and sometimes unwanted limelight. Kitchen communities are small insular worlds, and news and reputations spread fast. However righteous the cause, you have to be very strong emotionally to withstand the heat ( no pun intended), that noteriety brings. With a lack of strong public support, this can be very difficult.

So whether you belong to a well organized minority (and I think that's totally dependent on what city you live in, what race/sex you are, and how you define minority) is beside the point. Tolerance and understanding are the basis for dealing with any individual. Condescension is not.

Peace.

culinarian247 · #21 03-12-2002, 02:36 AM

Too much time has been put into what others do outside of the kitchen. To me any good cook won't give a rat's a** what anyone gets involved with outside of work hours. AS LONG AS THEY HAVE THEIR A** (be it gay or not) AT WORK WHEN THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO. Be gay. Be straight. Whatever you do, don't be late or absent from work.

Ruth · #22 03-12-2002, 06:34 PM

YEP, I CAN RELATE.NOTHING MATTERS AS LONG AS YOU ARE CONFIDENT,FOULED MOUTHED,AND TAKE NO PRISIONERS. NO JUST KIDDING. IF YOUR PRESENT WORKING ENVIORMENT IS NOT FOSTERING,THEN YOU LEAVE.I AM IN A KITCHEN NOW WHERE NO ONE KNEW ME FROM ADAM,BUT THE "CHEF" AS HE CALLS HIMSELF,HAS PEOPLE ALL OVER TOWN TELLING HIM TO WATCH OUT FOR ME. NOW THAT WOULD BE A POSITION TO ASPIRE TO. ALL THE GUYS RESPECT ME ,WHY,CAUSE I DO MY JOB VERY WELL.YES I AM GAY AND I DON'T GIVE A RATS *** WHAT OR WHO IS THE SITUATION. WORK IS WORK . I TELL PEOPLE TO CHECK THIER SEXUALITY AT THE DOOR GUYS DON'T NEED TO KISS AND TELL. WOMEN DON'T. DO WE?TODAY THIS COOK TOLD ME HE MET A GIRL AND HE HAS TO DUMP HER. LIKE I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THAT CRAP.I AM NOT.ANYWAY JUST BE YOURSELF AND IF IT IS IN A PLACE WHERE YOU FELL COMFORTABLE GREAT,IF NOT FIND ANOTHER JOB.P.S. IF YOU MEET A CUTE GIRL,HEY EVEN BETTER.

monkeymay · #23 03-12-2002, 07:03 PM

RIGHT ON!!!!

marmalady · #24 03-13-2002, 06:32 AM

I don't much care about anyone's gayness - or purpleness - or anything else - but as everyone has said, leave it at the door.

IMHO, it may be that what upsets people is that a lot of gays exhibit behavior that wouldn't be tolerated in a straight - flaming, purposely flirting with someone they know is straight, etc. It's juvenile, acting out behavior, and people react to it because they're uncomfortable.

It's a shame, because it negates being taken seriously.

Ruth · #25 03-13-2002, 01:59 PM

OK MY LAST RESPONSE TO THIS THREAD,YES I DO THINK THIS THREAD IS NEEDED.
SO ,HERE GOES...........RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE SAME ,STRAIGHT,GAY ,BI,TRASNGENDERED.SO WHAT HAPPENS IN THEM IS THE SAME FOR ALL. FLIRTING OR ACTING OUT AS YOU SAID HAPPENS IN ALL REALMS.IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT MOST OF THE POPULIS IS NOT GAY SO THEY TEND TO PICK UP ON BEHAVIOR THAT ISN'T NORMAL TO THEM.
I AM OUT AND HAVE BEEN ALL MY LIFE,EVERYONE KNOWS AND IF THEY DON'T I WILL TELL THEM,DISCRETELY OF COURSE. IF I AM ASKED I RESPOND WITH YES I AM ,WHY DO YOU ASK?I FEEL AS I AM NOT TREATED ANY DIFFERENTLY,BECAUSE I DO NOT ACT DIFFERENT.MY SEXUALITY DOES NOT DEFINE WHO I AM. MY CULINARY SKILLS ON THE OTHER HAND DEFINETELY MAKE A STATEMENT.SO THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE BEHAVIOR YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER QUESTION IT,NICELY,OR LEAVE IT ALONE.
I LOVED TALKING TO ALL OF YOU ABOUT THIS.
HAVE A GREAT DAY

Ronin · #26 03-21-2002, 09:31 PM

I find after a mad rush in a kitchen, the young men tend to run around giggling like little girls, popping each other upon the buttox with wooden spoons, then prancing off giggling in a jovial manner.

Everything has a phallic property in kitchens.

I have never worked with a homosexual in the kitchen before. The ones I have worked with are mainly wait staff. I really don't see how it would matter unless he chased me down with a knife into the cooler and attempted to rape me.

If he did , the fact that he is gay is completely irrelevant, more predominate is the fact that he is a raving psycopath that needs to be cut down immediately.

I see no reason to support there being a problem with homosexuals in the kitchen.

ALynch · #27 03-22-2002, 03:58 PM

Hello

I spend more time reading, than posting, but I thought I would throw my two cents into this topic.

I live in the heart of the deep south. Here religon means everything, and the vast majority of people here believe that homosexuality is wrong. This is so strongly believed that some resturants will not hire gay people, because the eating public would then not eat at the resturant, and even worse, some resturants would refuse to serve you if you even appeared gay.
Now of course I am not speaking about every resturant south of the Mason-Dixie line, but only a few that I know of in my area.

Thank You

shahar · #28 03-23-2002, 11:10 PM

Hello again.
Seams like this thread drifted toward discussion of bad expriences
for gay people in kitchens.
My original question was what is it like for other gays out there.
Yes I am gay. Also jewish, human, intelectual, American, Israely, earthen. These attributes and more influenced my life in all different ways. Some for the good, and yeah, for the bad.

I was and still interested in hearing about others'.