Restaurant life vs. Family life

vzank · #1 10-06-2002, 01:59 PM

Any words of advise for balincing these two? Are the two even possible?

Oskar314 · #2 10-07-2002, 05:40 PM

Yes it is possibble it is a give and take from both partners. I have four children and try to give all some time one on one. Like now
the youngest is in my lap,while I am typing this reply. The oldest just went to college and finished a three year job with me in the same restraunt.
I work about 70 to 75 hours a week,so it is hard, but right now I have to do what I have to do. How is my wife with this She also is a veteran of the resteraunt biz, so she understands to a certin degree. She also has intrests,so we both make concessions for the sake of the relationship.
I have been with her for 19 years. Yes it is a struggle but if you and your partner are willing to work it out it does work. How long have I been in the biz. about I am 43 and have been in the biz since I was 14. Yes 14 that makes it 29 years. WOW that is really the first time I have said that out loud LOL.
In order to work you have to talk about the job and most important the relationship,because that is what keeps you sane!
Hope it helps.

Jim · #3 10-07-2002, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Yes it is a struggle but if you and your partner are willing to work it out it does work.

That's the truth! If you know going in that you absolutely will not be home before midnight most nights, will work every holiday and weekend and your significant other understands and can support your lifestyle, then there are no surprises. And, yes, there are other outlets to channel cooking abilities (like the corporate world) but there is "the calling" to the restaurant life that holds a lot of appeal for many folks.
It has been the topic of numerous discussions here, but check out Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential for some uncensored insight. Most will agree, it is a fairly accurate report of what it is really like.

Joshua Tomczyk · #4 10-09-2002, 02:08 AM

Well my wife and I have two kids and both work full time. As said before it is hard. It is not imposable you have to find the right employer and make your decisions based on the fact that you want to spend time with your family.
My job ranks 3rd on my list of priorities behind my family and me. I only when very necessary do I ever let my self spend more than 55 hrs at work a week. To be completely honest I wouldn't ever ask anyone on my staff to work more than that either. When someone works more you will see more mistakes, more accidents, and more problems in general. Know one is happy when it seems like they have nothing in there life but a job.
Sorry got a little OT but my point is that if you make decisions based on wanting to spend time with family you can make it happen.

culinarian247 · #5 10-09-2002, 02:40 AM

You'll be fine as soon as you understand the restaurant IS your family......

chiffonade · #6 10-11-2002, 09:03 PM

My favorite quote in the universe: "Never confuse your life with your job." No matter how much you love what you do for a living, it's never going to replace watching your kids grow up and connecting with your spouse. You don't have to be home 24/7 to do this - but spending time with your family every day is important. Hurried little meetings of SST's crossing in the night is not the optimal way to raise kids or keep a marriage happy.

Every day is a new opportunity to focus your energies on whatever needs the most focus for the day. If your restaurant is doing a big gig or it's a weekend and you're expecting a crowd, you would want to focus on that. If it's Monday or Tuesday (or both!) and they're not your busy days, your presence and your attention will yield more value when applied to your family. Kids who feel loved become quality adults. I didn't say, "Kids whose parents love them become quality adults"...The kids have to feel loved. And a spouse who feels loved is a partner for life.

chiffonade · #7 10-11-2002, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by culinarian247
You'll be fine as soon as you understand the restaurant IS your family......

That mentality is responsible for more divorces than adultery!!

panini · #8 10-15-2002, 10:56 AM

Chiff,
I couldn't agree with you more. It took a couple of traumas in our lives to figure that out.

chiffonade · #9 10-16-2002, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by panini
Chiff,
I couldn't agree with you more. It took a couple of traumas in our lives to figure that out.

I appreciate your concurring

. I'm proud to say that after my daughter was born, I never made any bones about the fact that she came first. I had a boss who had the nerve to be pi$$ed off because I took my daughter (at 8 years old) to the doctor to have stitches removed from her face. How I didn't backhand that woman, I'll never know.

People make commitments to a significant other. We make children - It's our responsibility to put them first. No matter how much we enjoy what we do, priorities should never be so skewed that "work" is perceived as more important than family.