Handling a rude or uncaring server?

[Nicko]

I think we have all had our share of rude servers, and I was wondering how you handle it? In general I usually try to stay pretty calm, and just ask for what I need, but I make a point to let the chef know. In almost every instance that I have had really rude service I never went back to the restuarant.

Recently spoke to a good friend who ate at a long time favorite in Chicago. On the way out of the restuarant the server stopped him in the middle of the dinning room (really) and in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear asks "was there a problem with the service?" He said no and the server proceeded to ask "well then why did you leave me so a small tip" (remember this is in the middle of the restaurant and everyone can hear). My friend is a good tipper and told her that unless he made an error he doesn't think that he left a small tip. The server holds up the credit card slip and shows him the tip. My friend politely points out to the server that his name is Vince and the signature on the slip is Chris. It was another table. Funniest thing I ever heard.

[kokopuffs]

I refuse to leave a tip and notify one of the personnel of the rude server.

P.S. Nicko, I sent you an email to contact ALLIEDKENCO.COM for information on smokers.

-T

[momoreg]

When someone's rude to me, I give it right back to 'em.

[Mezzaluna]

I talk to the foh manager. It's worked the few times I've had to do it. Otherwise, I leave a poor tip- usually 5-10%.

If it is just bad, I leave no tip.

If it really s**ks , I leave a penny tip.

[ February 28, 2001: Message edited by: Crudeau ]

[momoreg]

One experience I recall was at a local Indian restaurant, my friend and I had just finished, and the waiter took our plates, quickly gave us the check, and told us to pay immediately because there were people waiting for our table. He didn't bother aking us if we were done. I had to tell the manager about that. We obviously left no tip,and never returned.

[Pete]

I will tell a manager about rude service, every time. If the waiter is really obnoxious then I will ask for a different server. I will, though, always leave a tip. If you don't then the waiter may just think that you are an idiot and have forgotten. Leave them $.50, that really sends a message to them, but make sure that you are punishing a waiter for his/her short comings, not for things that may be well beyond their control such as long waits for food, 86'ed items, etc.

The server's attitude will reflect in the size of the tip.

[David Jones]

I generally talk to the manager when there's a significant problem with a server. MANY times, the manager's a knucklehead, too. I suppose I'm justifying bad behavior on the part of servers, but if there's no training or support from management, the job can be very frustrating.

As an FOH manager, I try to listen to each server at their tables, to read their body language,etc. You can tell when a server is taking an attitude to the table. I also look over charge tips during check-out. If a server is consistently being tipped at or below average, it's worth a conversation.

The tip anecdote is hilarious. That server should have been terminated.

[craftynatalie]

My husband always tells me to wait until after our meal to make any complaints so our food is not "de-filed" in any way. We usually just leave a poor tip although his idea of a bad tip and my idea of one are very different. He starts everyone off at 20% at goes down from there, I start at the bottom and they earn their increase upto 20%.

[josephreese]

Originally Posted by craftynatalie

He starts everyone off at 20% at goes down from there, I start at the bottom and they earn their increase upto 20%.

That's an interesting observation. Until I read that, I didn't stop to consider that I approach tipping in a similar way as your husband. Thank you for triggering the realization.

[robinchev]

<sigh>
I seem to be a poor service magnet. Everyone I know comments on it, and thinks it's hilarious, particularly because of what I do for a living. I'm a pretty tolerant person when it comes down to the place being busy, but HONESTLY!!! I really have no patience for apathy. If you don't want to do the job... don't. Why do I get the server who drops my meal? Or seems to believe it's thier job to demonstrate our table's obvious inferiority to thier divine selves? (Why, yes, I DO actually know how to pronounce gnocchi..)
Why is the only bubblehead in the place who thinks it's ok to be incompetent if you're CUTE always assigned to my section? The stories I could tell...(stroking her grey beard...)
So What Do I Do?
Well, first of all, I don't believe it's a contest between myself and the server, nor am I being paid to train him/her... so I simply don't get into it with them. And the one time it was so bad that I didn't tip at all? <never a good idea to be rude to me...> I went to the hostess station at the front door on my way out and asked to see the manager. When he arrived, the conversation went sorta like this...
"We just finished our meal, and that young man over there was our server. I didn't tip him... and this is why....."

[Someday]

Originally Posted by robinchev

<sigh>
I seem to be a poor service magnet. Everyone I know comments on it, and thinks it's hilarious, particularly because of what I do for a living. I'm a pretty tolerant person when it comes down to the place being busy, but HONESTLY!!! I really have no patience for apathy. If you don't want to do the job... don't. Why do I get the server who drops my meal? Or seems to believe it's thier job to demonstrate our table's obvious inferiority to thier divine selves? (Why, yes, I DO actually know how to pronounce gnocchi..)
Why is the only bubblehead in the place who thinks it's ok to be incompetent if you're CUTE always assigned to my section? The stories I could tell...(stroking her grey beard...)
So What Do I Do?
Well, first of all, I don't believe it's a contest between myself and the server, nor am I being paid to train him/her... so I simply don't get into it with them. And the one time it was so bad that I didn't tip at all? <never a good idea to be rude to me...> I went to the hostess station at the front door on my way out and asked to see the manager. When he arrived, the conversation went sorta like this...
"We just finished our meal, and that young man over there was our server. I didn't tip him... and this is why....."

If it happens EVERY time you go out, maybe you should take a look at yourself a bit more to see if there is anything you could be doing to "invoke" bad service. Maybe you are a mean person, or you give off a snobby attitude, I don't know, but if it is indeed every time maybe you should consider more than just the service staff.

And it's great that YOU know how to pronounce gnocci, but not everyone does. Maybe it was a pre-emptive strike on the servers part, because he/she got REALLY tired of people saying they want the sauteed gee-knock-ee.

For example, at the last place I worked we had this really great flavored iced tea we had brewed for the restaurant. It was an "apricot-chardonnay" tea. Really good. But it was the only kind we had (no "regular" iced tea). So, that means that every one that orderedit (unless I knew them) had to be told that our tea was flavored. So after about the 1000000th time someone said, "Oh my, your tea has wine it it?" Or some variation of that, I just started telling people that our tea was apricot flavored.

but hey, just some thoughts, not trying to offend you.

[robinchev]

Well...ouch!
Idle curiosity... what do you suggest about a person's personality if you are trying to offend them?
No, I'm not a mean or snobby person... actually, I usually lighten the moment when the server is just having an off day and shows some regret for the error. But the topic was rude, uncaring servers.
As for the pronounciation thing, well, yes, alot of people CAN'T pronounce menu items. But it's been my experience from both sides of the table that your tip is never positively affected by embarrassing your guest.

I suppose that's the joy of written posts... even smileys can't necessarily show tone of voice... my post was meant to be on the light-hearted side.
And yes, I am a poor service magnet. Most of the time it's pretty funny...yet I still feel that if you can't put your personal issues aside long enough to keep from ruining a guests experience, you probably shouldn't be serving.

[deltadoc]

Quite a few years ago a co-worker friend and I went to a McDonald's for an early lunch. The girl behind the counter was totally rude, obnoxious, and when my friend mentioned he knew the owner, she said something along the lines of "I could care less, if you don't like the service here you don't have to come here".

So we sat down with our food, and the owner saw my friend, and immediately came over to gnosh with us. He actually asked how everything was, and I told him "The server could stand to improve her attitude some!" The owner looked at my friend Brad for confirmation, and Brad just nodded his head and said "It was pretty poor".

We never found out what happened after we left, but I'll never forget the looks on all of the servers behind the counter when they saw the
boss sitting with us!

doc