The Best of The Worst

[diane]

The waiter/server is essential to a good experience dining. It's quite simple really. I have only waited tables briefly in my life, but I think the maxim should be "never let another dictate your behaviour". Don't forget either that it is often hard to hear specials in a busy restaurant, abusive music makes it worse. And people are deaf quite often. I always have to rely on companions to tell me what they were. It doesn't take a large silver ball to be inaudible, or incomprehensible. Deafness is still considered a old woman joke, but blindness people understand. I don't care if the waiter is a little clumsy, serves from the wrong side, as long as it is kindly, good hearted service. Recently we had a waitress arrive with two bottles of wine, I wanted a glass of red, my companion wanted white. Both opened bottles were clutched to her ample breast. She was smiling like she had a light inside, quite certain she had found the best thing on earth for us. I would have been a whole lot easier for her had she served them in the classical manner. But the shear enjoyment of her happy personality, it spite of her juggling, and maybe even because of it, quite made our evening.

[GreaseChef]

53. Ask your server a million questions about items you will likely not order.

True story, I was waiting tables and got 10 deuces at once. Not in 5 minutes, but 30 seconds...

The first table I went to, two ladies, kept me standing there for what felt like forever while everyone else waited. (I just wanted to get drinks for my tables first.)

Long and short is that I said, "Don't be mean to your waiter until you know the service is bad." Then I walked away and got 9 tables worth of drink orders in no time.

Those two actually left a pretty good tip. I think that they didn't see the 18 people walking in right behind them and into my section.

On a side note to Someday, auctioning food is NEVER acceptable, even at a diner. Have a method when you write your tickets. Number seats on your pad, circle the ladies, and underline the head of the table. When you get your food in the kitchen, grab the circled food first (oldest to youngest), and make sure that the plates are in order BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE KITCHEN!!!

You say, "Your Duck, Madam."
Not, "This looks like a duck or something, anyone???"

I once had a fun table of about 15 ladies. One had been a waitress in the past and could see how I was making notes with the orders. "I am number seven!" she exclaimed, "Am I right?"

After that, they all wanted to a) guess their number, and b) refer to each other by number and have me do the same. "Your Delmonico Mid-rare, number eleven."

As for campers, it happens, and many WILL pay rent on the table if you do not rush them.

[GreaseChef]

54. FOH - Complain about what a bone-head the table that just left was. Do it loud enough for the dining room to hear.
55. FOH - Be very vocal about getting stiffed on a tip, tell every one of your tables.
56. BOH - If meat is going bad, rinse it with bleach water. (Worked one day in a place that did this.)
57. FOH - Forget to give the kitchen your order... Oooops, you don't have table 43!!! Yikes!!!

[Someday]

Originally Posted by GreaseChef

53.

On a side note to Someday, auctioning food is NEVER acceptable, even at a diner. Have a method when you write your tickets. Number seats on your pad, circle the ladies, and underline the head of the table. When you get your food in the kitchen, grab the circled food first (oldest to youngest), and make sure that the plates are in order BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE KITCHEN!!!

I disagree. If I go to the French Laundry, then yeah, I would be jarred if they auctioned food off. If I go to a Waffle House or a IHOP, then no, I don't give a s***.

And I wasn't trying to imply that it was a common occurence, but yeah, sometimes stuff happens. I don't need a lesson on order taking. In a lot of places I've worked, EVERYONE is expected to run food, not just the server whose table it is. Sometimes it is a matter of not punching it in right, or whatever. Sometimes seat 1 is tricky, and maybe the server didn't communicate it effectively before the food went out. Who knows? Are they to blame? Of course. But hey, people make mistakes. Never having to do it should be your goal, but I can guarantee that in 99.9% of places it has happened. Personally, I can say that it happened maybe 4-5 times in 2 years.

I just feel bad that having this happen would ruin an otherwise perfect evening. How can you POSSIBLY enjoy yourself going out to eat if EVERY LITTLE THING drives you nuts, or "ruins your dining experience."

I dunno, maybe I'm just not as uptight as some of you. I mean, yeah, if it is a case of all of the above (bad coffee, bad table, bad food, food auctioned, no silver, etc) all in one evening, then yeah, that sucks. If it is an otherwise great evening, and there are a few grinds in my coffee at the end, then it is not going to ruin it for me. I'll politely ask for another cup from a fresh pot. End of story. If I sit in a nice place, the table is great, the wine is great, the apps were great, server is friendly, profesional, spot on, etc, and then someone (the server, whoever) comes to the table and says, "I'm really sorry, I forgot, who had the lamb?" And it's really great lamb, perfectly cooked, beautiful, delicious, then no, that won't ruin anything for me. I won't even dock for the tip.

I'm not even disagreeing that it shouldn't happen, just saying that sometimes people make mistakes.

I mean, seriously, how can some of you eat out? How do you enjoy it if it isn't 100%, absolutely perfect? Or do you just go out to five star places where 8 people wait on 1 table and none of this ever happens?

If anyone tells me that they have NEVER made a mistake while on the job I will call that person a liar to their face.

Uh....kind ex-server, the air conditioner was a window unit that was so low that there was no head room to sit under except that my wife is only 5' tall, and her head just barely missed touching the big jutting out air conditioner.

So you're telling me that the restaurant only sat people under 5' at that table? It is reserved for short people only? I find that hard to believe.

Like said, at least the place made an effort. The computer probably told them where you sat last time, so they asked. No big deal. If it worked the OTHER way, as in you were happy with the table last time, and they remembered, you would probably think that was a great touch.

Look, I know how I'm coming off in these posts, but seriously...I really hope some of you guys aren't so jaded and stuck up that small things like that ruin it for you. I don't even know why these things aggravate me so much, maybe I'm just seeing in the future when I'm like that and I don't like it. I hope I never get to the point where I can't enjoy going out, even if small things go wrong once in a while.

[Someday]

I got a good story though...

Was on a family vacation YEARS ago, road trip out west to NewMex, Arizona, Las Vegas, Wyoming, Colorado, etc...stopped in Carlsbad, I think, stayed the night, went to a busy greasy spoon for breakfast.

I ordered the buffet, the rest of my family orders entrees from the menu. So I go make a plate, sit down, begin to eat. A little while later the waitress comes by, apologizing for the delay in the food, telling us how she hurt herself and fell behind. Starts passing the food out (I'm sitting on the outside seat of a booth, across from my sister, next to my dad), and when she reaches across from me, a HUGE, WET, dripping blood clot is hanging from a huge gash just above her elbow (I'm talking a good 5 inches, no kidding), wiggling around right in front of my face, splashing blood in my eggs and biscuits and gravy, on my arm, on my face, etc. I sit there in horrow, my family beginning to realize what is happening, and then she notices, takes the napkin from my place, and collects the clot in it and wipes her arm.

THAT, my friends, is how you have a miserable dining experience.

So maybe all the other things like coffee grounds, bad tables, auctioning food, just don't seem so bad to me after that. In fact, if that DOESN'T happen, I'm a happy camper.

We got comped BTW....

[kuan]

Last week, we took some friends out to a popular restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was rather impressed. I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom."

"How so?"

"See," he continued," by tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

[GreaseChef]

That is priceless! LOL

[Andrew563]

Someday,

That story was absolutely bizarre. That does give perspective. I thought it was bad when the server dripped sweat on me.

[Mezzaluna]

[lentil]

#I lost count..

When you explain to the server in a restaurant where the entrees start at around $20 that the caramelized onions on the steak taste burnt and he leaves the table to get a saucer and asks you to scrape them off. Server then returns and tells you that that they must all be burnt, so do you want these back or is the steak alright the way it is? You then are left with a steak with the burnt residue clinging. Yum.

And I agree. I can't stand the food auctioning, either.

[Jim]

I think we are up to #60, counting that REALLY gross story!

[oldschool1982]

62. Server states that the reason our food is taking so long is that the kitchen staff is really not very good and that we should excuse things. This is to distract us from the fact that we have been unable to get a refill of any type and that the fact our food is taking so long is not a reflectiuon on the kitchen but in the servers complete lack of competence.

63. The only reason the guests are here is for me. I want their money and I'm going to do as little as possible to get it. Then if they don't tip me what I think I'm worth, I complain to my fellow servers or worse chase them out the restaurant and som I can loose my job in the process justifying it by stating I hated the job anyway since I never could make money. Then after being terminated I scream at the top of my lungs the marital status of the managers parents and the orientation of the entire comanies managment structure. BTW I was the one who had to terminate the server on the spot and I alays though my folks were married.

There was the time I ordered a Hamburger from a National Casual themed Chain(LHSH). This happened while we were on a Secret Shopper visit that my wife signed us up for. Ordered Burger MR without cheese and with rice instead of fries. First burger shows up and has not only cheese but bacon and muchrooms on it and fries. No problem I'll just send it back. Server arrives at the table and asks how everthing is. I state that I ordered the burger it was probably just a mixup and could I please get the burger I ordered. The sever than asked if I would just eat the hamburger the way it is. I explained that is not what I wanted. Burger arrived 1 minute later still dripping wet from being rinsed off, the bun was soaked and had residual cheese and the LTO was smashed and shredded. The rice was pretty good tho. Couldn't even get a Mgr to the table. Wow.

BTW and even tho I'm new here I'm still an old hand by relative standards so... There are alot of folks out there that shouldn't play with knives because their skin is so thin.

[jennykhughes]

#64 - Serving all diners except one.
Everything gets cold while you are waiting for the last dinner to come to the table.

#65 - Also, I don't usually go to dinner expecting to make lifelong friends with the waitstaff. Don't sit at my table when you're taking my order. Not cool.

[Nentony]

Quote:
"Don't sit at my table when you're taking my order. Not cool."

Jeez I hate that. It's so wierd it's actually funny. I'm trying to convince my wife and kids that we should stand when we place our order.

Tony

[lentil]

Originally Posted by Nentony

Quote:
"Don't sit at my table when you're taking my order. Not cool."

Jeez I hate that. It's so wierd it's actually funny. I'm trying to convince my wife and kids that we should stand when we place our order.

Tony

That's perfect, Tony! I'm trying to convince my husband to call servers pet names to see if it works both ways. So far, he's not convinced. How about you and I go out to eat? I'll stand to order and you make up really cute names to call the servers. We'll see how long it takes the manager to come over to tell us to stop harrassing the help.