First signs of a bad dining experience...

[lentil]

Originally Posted by shroomgirl

Unbussed tables....bad sign.
the south is rendolent with names of endearment.....
recently I was called, "hon" throughout a conversation with a new salesman.....can you say, 1000# of fish order not going to you?

I wonder what term of endearment he would have used had you been a man? None, you say? HA! Good for you. Find a fish man with some class.

[Jayme]

Lentil/shroom-
Funny how THAT works huh? Male= respect, female= flirt with

My sister playfully says this little verse, to be silly sometimes- "I'm just a girl, I don't know nothin', buy me something!" But I get it alot in my current day job (marine industry)- the men call and want to talk to a tech or "one of the guys"- It's even funnier when I ask them what the problem is and then proceed to answer all their questions.... LOL I'm just a girl....I don't know nothin'

[kuan]

We were just out of town and wanted to have dinner. One of two choices was the People's Cafe.

Wife: How is the fish done?

Server: It's fried.

Wife: Hmm... and the half chicken?

Server: That's also fried.

Wife: What's on the menu that isn't fried?

Server: Most of it is fried, you can get the steak.

Wife: What about the pork tenderloin?

Server: It's a slice of pork

Wife: Is it fried?

Server: (looks at the menu) Hmmm.. doesn't say fried. I don't think so.

Wife: <sigh> I'll have that

So the pork "tenderloin" comes out, and it's breaded and fried.

Desperate to get something in our stomachs and dealing with a very active 3 year old, she tries to pick off the "breading" but can't. Seems like they know how to deep fry their food there.

[juliap]

Don't be too hard on the guy for calling you "hon". He really didn't mean to offend. Some of these "good ol' Southern boys" really don't know better, and they are at least working for a living. You could do him a favor next time he calls on you and say, "My name is Mary Jane." No guarantee that he'll get the point!! If you live in a big city where the company has other sales persons, you could write an anonymous letter to the company's sales manager that his sales staff might benefit from an etiquette seminar to include "how not to address the client". Of course, you might have to explain to that sales manager just what you mean.

[Jayme]

Originally Posted by kuan

We were just out of town and wanted to have dinner. One of two choices was the People's Cafe.

Wife: How is the fish done?

Server: It's fried.

Wife: Hmm... and the half chicken?

Server: That's also fried.

Wife: What's on the menu that isn't fried?

Server: Most of it is fried, you can get the steak.

Wife: What about the pork tenderloin?

Server: It's a slice of pork

Wife: Is it fried?

Server: (looks at the menu) Hmmm.. doesn't say fried. I don't think so.

Wife: <sigh> I'll have that

So the pork "tenderloin" comes out, and it's breaded and fried.

Desperate to get something in our stomachs and dealing with a very active 3 year old, she tries to pick off the "breading" but can't. Seems like they know how to deep fry their food there.

Kuan- let me guess they serve FRIES with that??? LOL next time- order salad!!

[mochefs]

RE: the whole 'dear', 'hon', etc. thing

I have to admit, I just don't get it. The question is "intent". Are the servers intentions to be pleasant? Are they trying to be welcoming? Do they mean anything negative?

Why on earth would you be upset at someone calling you 'dear', 'hon', etc. if the intentions are pure? I grew up in the deep south, and 'darlin' and 'dear' were a normal part of conversation. It wasn't a 'pet name', it was just the vernacular. I got out of the habit when one of my friends told me a story about how they had gotten into trouble at work because they had unknowingly said 'dear' to a woman whose computer they were repairing. My friend and this woman were very friendly up to this point, but later in the day he was called in to human resources because the woman had complained that it was a form of sexual harassment. I figured then and there that whether I 'get it' or not I had better take it out of my own form of speech. (although I still do it around family and friends)

But make no mistake, I still don't get it or agree with it. These people (the vast majority of the time) don't mean anything denigrating whatsoever, they are just trying to be friendly. And isn't the intent what matters? I can *say* the nicest things in the world, but if I roll my eyes, glare at you, or otherwise make it clear that I don't like you wouldn't you understand the intent? I just don't understand punishing someone who in no way meant to offend you. If it's a friend of yours, or a co-worker that you see every day, etc. then by all means take them aside and gently explain to them that it bothers you. But a server or other person that you randomly come across?

Many years ago I walked right up to a co-worker and told them they had some dirt on their head...they looked confused...I said "right here" and proceeded to wipe the smudge off of their forehead. I then discovered that there was this thing called "Ash Wednesday" during Lent. I was positively mortified of course and wanted to find a place to curl up and die, and they had a good laugh at my expense, but should that person have been offended instead that I didn't know about their religion? What's the difference?

[KYHeirloomer]

And it works the other way, too.

I remember one time up in Maine when a waitress jumped all over me for saying "maam."

Rather stridently she insisted that "I'm not so old that you need to be maaming me." Having been raised in the Northeast, I can keep up with any of them, and inquired if she'd prefer b**ch. And her tip reflected her attitude.

But overall, I'll take the civilized south where, as mochefs points out, "honey," and "darlin'," are part of the vernacular. And where "sir" and "maam" are merely polite ways of addressing people.

[lentil]

I, too, have lived in the South where hon and dear are part of the vernacular. My problem is that the "words" have migrated north, but the intent didn't come with it. Here it's done to make a bigger tip, to put the customer on the same level as the server (when the server feels a bit inadequate in his/her job) and it rings quite hollow.

My salesman was ranting to me the other day about a client he has a hard time with. He said he calls her ma'am after she's given him a hard time. I assume, knowing this pompous ***, that he says something along the lines of "I'm just doing my job......, Ma'am." Why do I know this? I called him last week and left him a message to tell him I needed a credit on a case of beans and wanted to give him a heads up before he came in in case he had to get a credit slip first. He called me back and asked what I was so upset about as it was only a case of beans. I asked what he was talking about and he told me to "relax" that a case of beans was nothing to get in a tizzy about. Let me assure you, I was NOT in any kind of tizzy until he said that! When my tizzy level was on the rise, he started in with the "ma'am" bull. I hung up on him.

He probably told his next stop that I was a victim of PMS or some other equally sexist crap.

[KYHeirloomer]

"He probably told his next stop that I was a victim of PMS or some other equally sexist crap."

A friend of mine's wife has a bumper sticker that addresses that very question, Lentil:

"I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions?"

[lentil]

Originally Posted by KYHeirloomer

"He probably told his next stop that I was a victim of PMS or some other equally sexist crap."

A friend of mine's wife has a bumper sticker that addresses that very question, Lentil:

"I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions?"

Mine would say, "I don't need any excuses. Any questions?"

[lentil]

Originally Posted by KYHeirloomer

And it works the other way, too.

I remember one time up in Maine when a waitress jumped all over me for saying "maam."

Rather stridently she insisted that "I'm not so old that you need to be maaming me." Having been raised in the Northeast, I can keep up with any of them, and inquired if she'd prefer b**ch. And her tip reflected her attitude.

I love that one!!!

[chefseason]

My husband and I went to a little cafe once where we just ordered dessert. After ordering pecan pie alamode we soon found that the young waitress had forgotten the "alamode" part. When we called her attention to her mistake my husband also mentioned that pecan pie is usually warmed first before serving. We watched the gal with amazement as she scooped ice cream on top of the pie then shoved the dishes into the microwave. She then brought the whole sloppy mess to our table dripping a trail of ice cream the entire length of the restaurant.
Sometimes I am tempted to clutch a clipboard containing phoney forms and an instant read thermometer in my breast pocket. Do you think that would scare them enough to give us better service?

[lentil]

Originally Posted by chefseason

Sometimes I am tempted to clutch a clipboard containing phoney forms and an instant read thermometer in my breast pocket. Do you think that would scare them enough to give us better service?

It would give the management a scare, but much of the help wouldn't bat an eye.

[Jayme]

Originally Posted by KYHeirloomer

And it works the other way, too.
Rather stridently she insisted that "I'm not so old that you need to be maaming me." Having been raised in the Northeast, I can keep up with any of them, and inquired if she'd prefer b**ch. And her tip reflected her attitude.
.

LOL oh KY- LMAO THAT would have made a great meal!!! LOL (I'm afraid to ask what she said??)

And Mochefs- the whole ash wednesday thing.... I think we all just call those things... learning experiences! We've all had them.

[DC Sunshine]

Big Grizzly - I find common sense in what you mention. Having moved into a country area in the last few years I've received no end of "Darl", "Luv", "dear" etc etc, but it just seems to be the local thing. This is not only from restaurants but places like when I'm being served petrol, or in a convenience store etc. While I found it strange at first, the oddness has worn off. When in Rome do as the Romans do, if they rub blue mud into their belly buttons you may as well join in, and don't sweat the small stuff I say. The world could do with more tolerance and not only in restaurants.

Hoppiing off my soapbox now