[tempura]

Hey everyone,
I want to tell you a little story...

The head chef: Formally trained in the merchant marines academy, on cruise ships, and in kitchens across Europe, helped everyone, undefeated kickboxing champ(shush!), catchphrases: "finish tickets!", "the food flew outta here!"
The sous chef: Took over a teppenyaki restaurant from the position of dishwasher in one night by flinging hot mashed potatoes into the chefs face, then dominating the line(???hmmm???), helped no one, convicted felon(shush!), catchphrases: "still not pau?", "pump da brakes!", "oops"
The owner: Self trained. Noted in Frommer's, the New York Times, closet psychopath. catchphrases: "GO HOME!", "Who left the refigerator door open?", "I don't remember you EVER telling me you were going to visit family this week/month/holiday", "you might not have a job when you get back"
Waitstaff: Largely consisting of japanese girls who work the busiest times without training and without knowlege of english language, like to invent things to eat that are not on the menu (fried oyster curry noodle soup with chiffonaded baby cilantro scattered about on top in a counter-clockwise fashion), seen slamming down a birthday cake on a customers table in the box without lighting the candles, seen taking out the wrong food then sneaking the correct order on tickets and coming back screaming at the cooks. catchphrases: "They said they didn't order this", "I don't know why the tip was so small.", "In Japan, the food is so much better."
The owner's boyfriend: Obese, santa clause-like, likes to replace broken parts with things made in China (boiling hot water for tea burned the best waitress), catchphrases: "I'd like to kiss the new girl's belly.", "<the owner> is naive.", "where's the mayonaisse dressing?"
The 80 year old dishwashress: Elderly, frail, likes to eat ice cream while other people do her job for her, comes in super early so she can stand around and get paid and keep an eye on the slaves in the kitchen and make tips, has the owner on speed dial. catchphrase: "I'm telling!"

I was there 2 years. After 2 months washing dishes, they wanted me to expedite, prep and work full time. I said yes, and thus began my "training".
At this place, new cooks learn expediting first, then fryer, with saute being the chef's position.
In the first 6 months, I watched as the old guard fell, the exception being the head chef and the sous chef...if you can call them that,(the only person with formal kitchen training was the head chef, but I said that already)and of course the owner(who can really cook, REALLY).

My responsibilities as a dishwasher: taking out the trash/slop, cleaning, and doing the kitchen dishes.
the other dishwashers are 70-80 year old women who ONLY wash dining room dishes...NO trash, NO kitchen dishes, NO cleaning, And can barely handle putting away the clean dishes. (OK whatever, no problem)

My responsibilities as a newly trained expediter (no pay raise): taking out the trash/slop, cleaning, doing the kitchen dishes, ripping lettuce, cutting salad vegetables, cutting chicken, scrubbing refigerators,

My responsibilities as a newly trained fry cook (pay raise 50 cents):taking out the trash/slop, cleaning, doing the kitchen dishes, ripping lettuce, cutting salad vegetables, cutting chicken, scrubbing refigerators, changing the fryer oil, organizing the pantry, ordering more veg,

...A long time passes...

The head chef who I repect has a fling with a waitress and gets busted(he's married with two kids)
They flee to vegas.
It doesn't work out and he comes home with his tail between his legs.

During this time, The restaurant undergoes a major renovation. We pulled apart the whole line and threw it out a three story window. The tile got thrown out a three story window. Many, many things got thrown out of that window and it was FUN. There was a gaping hole under the salad station with sawed off pipes and gas lines, etc... It was a blessedly welcome working vacation. (for example: while pressure washing all the stainless steel, someone turned on the *HOT* water side of the basement faucet, which led to massive flooding on the property owner's office carpet
Of course I'm not mentioning the rat/roach/fly/termite infestation that led to this renovation, or the payoffs, etc...

So, me and the sous are helping the budget construction crew(yes here I am POUNDING NAILS). He drags his feet the whole time, and gets the contractor fired, like he did to both the old guard AND the head chef AND certain waitresses. (but whatever, Right?)

My responsiblities as a newly promoted "sous?"(pay raise 1 dollar): Taking out the trash/slop, cleaning, doing the kitchen dishes, ripping lettuce, cutting salad vegetables, cutting chicken, scrubbing refridgerators, changing the fryer oil, organizing the pantry, ordering more veg., reminding the new guy to leave the water running on frozen chicken, reminding the new guy 3-9 more times why the water should be left running on frozen chicken, borrowing the new guys knife and damaging it to teach him why he shouldn't have borrowed mine, wondering why the new guy is now being trained to be a waiter instead of a tempura(fry) cook, trying to understand why the formerly sloven sous chef is now the head chef and is telling me I need to scrub all sides of the fryer before I leave for the night, understanding why the new head chef is always yelling at me even though I have been working there for 2 years, Understanding why the old head chef has now been blackballed all around town and cannot find work aside from scooping out mac salad on plate lunches, watching the owner's boyfriend badmouth the old head chef to an expanding local chef, watching my girlfriend(whom I met at the restaurant and I love) get SLAMMED for trying to find a better job, hearing that the new style of the place sucks, watching the clientele disappear, watching myself get more and more grouchy torwards new employees, watching them quit, AND FINALLY QUITTING MYSELF!

ahh thats better.

So thats my little story,
Am I a crybaby, or a whiner, or is this a common kitchen story...OR...

[Mezzaluna]

Wow, Tempura- I'll bet you're not crazy, but in good company here at Chef Talk. I'm inferring that you're in Hawaii by virtue of your mention of macaroni salad and plate lunches.

I guess there's nothing to ask that you haven't shared already, so I'll invite you to have a look at the cooking articles, cookbook reviews, recipes and the photo gallery. You will also be interested, I believe, in the Jobs forum! Good luck in that quest.

We hope you visit often and participate in the discussions. Welcome!
Mezzaluna

[foodpump]

Crazy? Us? We're not crazy--everybody else is, but uh-uh-not us!!!!

"Typical" story? No. But then what's "typical"? I too started off as a d/w in a Greek Restaurant with a crazy owner: wife,"official" girlfriend, second girlfriend, and "best friends" with the gay waiter... Part of my duties as d/w was to help the owner load up frozen beef and bacon from the work freezer to a steel garden shed at his home's backyard. It was winter in Saskatchewan, the temp stayed a constant -30C for 4 or 5 mths. One day the owner comes in screaming:"You! You know where I live! You stole a case of tenderloins and prime ribs!!!" Fun times...

In Switzerland where I did my apprenticeship I was always stuck with the late shift and closing up. One night as I'm closing up I hear this rustling and moaning in the dining room. I decide to investigate. To this day I regret doing that, as I was privy to a full frontal view of a rather ah, "rotund" waitress, and the equally "rotund" back-view of the Sous getting it on in the linen closet. Yup, scarred for life, still cracks me up every time I think about it. At the same place, early in my first year as apprentice, the Police came looking for the pastry chef, who dissapeared one day, come to think of it, so did a few of the waitresses too. The Chef looks at me, jerks his thumb in the general direction of the pastry section and there I stayed-by myself- for almost 2 years. Fun times...

Now in Singapore it was even funner. Worked my way to Sous in a large 5 star hotel. One day there's a note on my desk torn off from the personalized note pad of the Exec Chef. The Chef's name was crossed off and another one written in it's place, the note said "See me immediatly" and signed with a new name. I ask my collegues who this new person is, all I get is laughter--gut wrenching, roll on the floor laughter. I go to the Exec Chef's office, yes still the same Exec Chef there, no coupe or anything like that. I ask him about the note and who had the balls to cross his name out on his own personalized staionary. The Chef looks me straight in the eye and tells me it's his new name. Under the advice of a fortune teller he changed his name to bring him better luck and prosperity. He hated me for questioning him like that, I was supposed to know, never got on his good side after that. At the same hotel I had dissapearing staff. I had 4 guys working under me. one day I went to the daily F&B meeting for 15 mins and when I return all 4 are gone. I ask around where they went to. Again, laughter. Finally a d/w tells me that my staff were 'kidnapped" by the G.M.. The G.M. had a side business in the hotel lobby selling fruit and fruit juices, this he owned and operated privately. He stole my guys to help him prep his fruit. I had to quit after I complained to the owner...

[chrose]

Originally Posted by tempura

Am I a crybaby, or a whiner, or is this a common kitchen story...OR...

No actually that was the most entertaining thing I have read in a long time. Perhaps you should get together with Tony Bourdain and have a show together! Welcome!

[lentil]

I don't know if you're crazy or not, but I like the way you tell a story. Stick around; I'm sure you'll enjoy it here as much as we'll enjoy having you!

[Mezzaluna]

Wow, Tempura- I'll bet you're not crazy, but in good company here at Chef Talk.

Didn't I tell you?!!

[tempura]

Thanks everyone for the warm reception!

Mezzaluna, you guessed it, I love mac salad and plate lunches...the rest of the world should be let in on it.

Foodpump, the story about the chef's name change was really funny. It sounded like a practical joke gone wrong.

Chrose, Much appreciated compliment (ego inflating). Bourdain is my alltime favorite. A few times, I stayed up all night reading his books when I had to go to work the next day. A scout showed up and started taking pictures at the sister restaurant of the place I used to work about three days after I quit.. He said Bourdain might be going there as part of No Reservations. I was prepared to commit ritual suicide if he had come to my old restaurant.

Thank you lentil, I like telling stories and it's been quite a while since I flexed my writing muscles.

See you guys around the site!

[foodpump]

Hey Tempura, that was no practical joke. The Chef actually went to a fortune teller and got that advice. He did legally change his name. This was a big hotel, 450 rooms, 5 F&B outlets... Marrriot bought it from the original owners in the mid 90's