[Plongeur]

** I am sorry that, once again, it's taken ages and ages and ages to get this post up. No promises when the next one will appear either. Since St Valentine's Day just Chef and I have been working in the restaurant doing everything six or usually seven days a week, from 9 to 4-30 then 5-30 to midnight. Which has been great for learning how to do everything, not so great for other stuff like sleeping or seeing my girlfriend. Now we have our summer brigade in place (well, nearly) we get to have two days off all at once, starting yesterday for me. I found it almost impossible to sleep yesterday, probably because I'm not used to it, but today's been better and I've found time to slash out a few words. More ASAP. **

The French - well, the French people that I meet - start off surprised to find a English person cooking at all. There's a famous TV advert here for After Eight chocolate mints which shows a group of BCBGs (French for 'yuppies') eating After Eights with their post-diner coffee and finding them distinctly edible, if not positively quite nice. "After Eights," the tagline runs, "they're English - but they're good!"
Then they start asking about 'La Cusine Anglaise' - English cooking - and what sort of stuff English people cook at home. Well, here we're leading the French, I tell them - we've been buying cooked/chilled ready meals by the tonne and nuking them in the microwave for more than a decade. French people are doing their best to catch up now, I tell them, and then they start talking about the Traiteurs they have - shops where you buy freshly-made (well, normally freshly-made) portions of restaurant classics and, er, zap them in the microwave. And anyway, traiteurs are closing down all over the place because they can't get the staff and they're too expensive to run and the supermarkets are filling up with cook/chill dishes...
And then they say Ah! Oui! Légumes à l'anglaise! Vegetables cooked in the English style means boiling them in salted water. So now they remember that English people boil the crap out of everything, usually all in one giant vat-like pan for three or four hours. Which isn't that far from the truth in some cases - one of the few stories I know about my great-grandmother Loseby was that she used to boil tripe and potatoes in the same pan. For three to four hours.
So today at school we're cooking Merlan à l'anglaise, which turns out not to be boiled but to use that other great traditional English cooking method, frying in a pan of oil. Merlan is similar to the English Whiting and American silver hake and is a member of the cod family. We use it often at school because it's cheap - we don't serve it to customers at the restaurant, although it does feature sometimes in staff meals.
To prepare it à l'anglaise you have to remove the gills first and drag the entrails out with them, without cutting open the belly. Then you open it along the spine, removing the bones as you do so and fan it out but leaving the head in place. The body is coated in flour, egg and breadcrumbs and pan-fried, leaving the head in place to stare up accusingly at those about to eat it. I can't see English people ever eating fish like that these days - most think that fish swim around shrink-wrapped in polystyrene trays if they think of fish swimming at all. Normally they eat only the fingers of the fish these days, an idea that amuses French people no end since they, like Americans, eat fish sticks.
By now I've done lots of fish at work so I don't find the whole procedure too difficult; it's really a way of practising various knife skills, I realise, since this is now a very old-fashioned dish which you wouldn't see in any restaurant here - too much effort to start with. Many people have real difficulties cutting out the spine and then de-boning the still-joined filets, and end up with something that looks like it's been given a good kicking by Manchester United fans. Still, that's why we have breadcrumbs, "Pour cacher la misère" - to hide the misery, as my restaurant chef puts it, normally when he's surveying something I've messed up in the patisserie (be very suspicious if you buy a pudding in a French restaurant and the sauce/custard is poured over the tart/pie/whatever instead of in an attractive pattern onto the plate around it - it means the patissier has really messed it up and is hiding his errors from you or, more likely, his Chef de Cuisine). Two nice thick coats of breadcrumbs and we're ready to go.
We also do Petits Pois Paysanne, little peas peasant-style, in which peas are the least of the ingredients - there's carrots, turnips, baby onions, lettuce and bacon bits in there outweighing the peas two-to-one. Which is fine if you don't particularly like peas and want to hide them - but then you'd probably be better off cooking the whole recipe and just leaving out the peas.
After lunch we have our regular fortnightly Hygiène class, this week talking about Glucides - sugars. Which apparently should represent 55% of our diet, particularly from 'glucides lentes' - slow sugars - such as those found in pasta and, apparently, bread. As little as possible should come from pure, refined sugar. Glucides, we learn, are where we get our energy from for our muscles and nerves, and we need 100 grammes per day. We also need 15% of our diet to be protein and 30% lipides - fats.
Right. So I'd better put that pain au chocolat away, then?
Légumes à la Grècque this afternoon, vegetables cooked the Greek way, which means slowly in water and olive oil after cutting them up into attractive shapes. Artichauts first - these confuse many people who end up with something the size of half a ping-pong ball full of fluff but, again luckily, I've done these at work so understand that the idea is to remove the leaves on the outside and the fluff on the inside and put the rest into acidulated water (i.e. with half a lemon squeezed into it and then he lemon chucked in for good measure), then cauliflowers cut into 'bouquets', escaloped mushrooms (cut into quarters on a slant, although even our school chef says he finds this idea impossible to accomplish), diced onions, chopped garlic, a bouquet garni and a 'sac aromatique' to prepare. The 'aromatic bag' is a bit of cloth with any interesting-looking spices you can find bunged in, which turns out to be a bit of nutmeg and some peppercorns. And since each vegetable needs to be cooked on its own it means a bouquet garni and 'sac aromatique' for each pan. And as there aren't that many saucepans in the room we have to group our cooking, which is fine by me unless we then have to present a plate to be marked - not everyone turns their vegetables as I am and I've been marked down before for featuring vegetables from someone else on my demonstration plate.
Still.
A la Grècque cooking turns out to be very similar to our teacher's favourite way of cooking most vegetables - à blanc, in a sautoir with a little sugar, salt, pepper and butter. Remove the sugar and replace butter with olive oil, cover with a circle of silicon paper and you're good to go.
And in the end there's no need to make up a plate for service, so my superior English turning isn't seen by anyone.

Next week: Fond Brun lié, poulet sauté chasseur and More English Cooking!

[Mezzaluna]

I laughed my way through your post, Chris! Having eaten truly ghastly English food and then, many years later, been served perfectly delicious meals, I know how delightful it can be to be surprised by the new English cookery. You're in the enviable position of being able to deflate the notion that the English cannot cook. Bravo!

[Plongeur]

Hey, this weekend I'm going home to celebrate my mother's 70th birthday...in her favourite steakhouse. I'm planning on going into the kitchen and explaining that 'blue' means 'don't cook it a lot. Waft it over the flat-top. But take it out of the fridge when the order for the starters arrives so it's not cold inside.'
Most English people think that any pinkness in meat means DEATH.

[Mezzaluna]

Yeah, there are parts of the US where that's true as well. I'm an à point steak-lover, myself; bleu is just tooooo rare for me. My brother used to say, "Just walk it past the stove!"

[kuan]

English cooking? I have no time for that. Takes forever just to cook peas!

[culinarymd]

Plongeur,
I just started reading your posts today. They're awesome! I am 45 years old like you and considering being a Pastry Chef. Can you recommend a place in France for that?

[Plongeur]

Dale
Funny you should ask that. It had been my original intention when I started this year at school to immediately do a second year at the same school in Patisserie.
However, I've changed my mind, mostly because I get two days off work a week and I've been spending one of them doing 10 hours at school and I am absolutely, completely EXHAUSTED. A second problem for me is that the school is mostly for kids aged 15-18 who are like high school kids everywhere and irritate the sh!t out of me when I'm there - they're really not into the whole work/clean this now/move your *** ethos that I think you need to get on in kitchens. So I'm not gonna go back there.
Instead I've been looking at the idea of doing a few specialist classes for a few days or a week at a time with Alain Ducasse, http://www.ad-formation.com or at the LeNotre school in Paris, http://www.lenotre.fr/fr/Ecole_Lenot...e_accueil.html which is the best-known here in France as THE place to go to learn patisserie. Dunno if any of them teach in English, that's not a problem for me and may not be for you.
I know the Cordon Bleu in Paris teaches in English; when I started doing this I thought it would be the best place to go, but it turns out most French chefs have either never heard of it or regard it with disdain, so there'd be no advantage for me in going there.
HTH.

[culinarymd]

Hey Chris,
Thanks for the information. It looks like an awesome school. I wish I knew French better. I am fluent in Spanish, can understand a little spoken Italian. Can read Italian and can read and speak a little Korean. So, I think French should be pretty easy for me to learn. They give the course in French but have learning materials available in English. My only real obstacle is the $$$ for the trip there, the school and the place to stay. Well, talk to you later.