This is sooo funny I'm reading this, I just got done cooking a batch. I have several different kinds that I make but here is one you might like. Below is a nice simple, thick sauce. Its also very hot, hence the name "hot sauce". If you want a "Tabasco" style sauce recipe let me know
15-20 Scotch Bonnet peppers
2 Red Bell peppers
1 clove garlic
1 Yellow Onion
1 Red Onion
White Wine
Distilled Vinegar
Salt Black Pepper
3 Lemons
Roast Peppers in oven until you see the skin separating.
Remove seeds and peel the Bells
Slice onions and put them in a pan with garlic and sauté until soft. Add peppers salt and black pepper and sauté. Lower heat, take a coffee cup (Sorry about the measurement) and put half white wine and half vinegar and add to the pan with juice of lemons. Add more salt. cover and let simmer for 15 to 20 mins. Puree and put into sterile canning jars leaving 1/2 inch from top. Boil jars for 10 mins.. There you go
If you cant find fresh Habs, you can use pickled (I dont have that problem cause I grow my own, but I have used ones that I have pickled and the work great), also, I didnt give a measurement for salt, but you will want to use quite a bit. While working with the sauce, dont wipe your eyes or pick your nose!