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Funny phrases

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
I thought this was a pretty funny twist on an old phrase:

"Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critisize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."


Anyone else have any others?
Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
Bacon (I made)
(26 photos)
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Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
Bacon (I made)
(26 photos)
Reply
post #2 of 26

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

Reply
post #3 of 26
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
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Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
post #4 of 26

A couple more...

Remember, you are unique, just like everybody else.

What is the secret to success? Good decisions. How do you learn to make good decisions? Experience. How do you get experience? Bad decisions.

I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
post #5 of 26
"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."
- Hubert Humphrey.
Baruch ben Rueven / Chanaבראד, ילד של ריימונד והאלאן
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Baruch ben Rueven / Chanaבראד, ילד של ריימונד והאלאן
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post #6 of 26
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming like his passengers
Baruch ben Rueven / Chanaבראד, ילד של ריימונד והאלאן
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Baruch ben Rueven / Chanaבראד, ילד של ריימונד והאלאן
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post #7 of 26
One good turn gets most of the blankets.


A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.


If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Baruch ben Rueven / Chanaבראד, ילד של ריימונד והאלאן
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Baruch ben Rueven / Chanaבראד, ילד של ריימונד והאלאן
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post #8 of 26
My contribution to productivity at my job is to refrain from giving my co-workers the severe beatings they so richly deserve.

When composing an e-mail message to your boss from home late at night, be sure to take inventory of the empty beer cans around you before you press 'send'.

Two Rules For Success:
1) Never tell people everything you know.
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
post #9 of 26
It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.
Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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post #10 of 26
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Prove and you provolone.
post #11 of 26
That's a bear you'll have to cross.

Which with the simple reversal of two words mixes the original metaphor, mixes two metaphors, and creates a new one more frightening than the previous ones.

I just don't need any bears mad at me.

Phil
post #12 of 26
Support your right to keep and arm bears.

These premises are protected by a pitbull who has aids
post #13 of 26
Useful at work:

1. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
3. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
5. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
6. How about never? Is never good for you ?
7. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
8. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
9. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
10. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
11. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
12. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
13. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
post #14 of 26
I love animals.....They taste Great!!!!!
http://www.onceachef.com/ is my personal blog where I share many recipes, my passion for cooking, and all things food.
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http://www.onceachef.com/ is my personal blog where I share many recipes, my passion for cooking, and all things food.
Reply
post #15 of 26
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right

Then of course there's the one on this shirt I got as a gift at the staff christmas party.
FBI : female body inspector
post #16 of 26
Never fret your gizzard over things uncontrollable, for a fretted gizzard soon discombobulates":D

If you can't beat 'em.....let me beat 'em.


Make love not war....unless you love to kill.:rolleyes:
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
Reply
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
Reply
post #17 of 26
That's just like, "guns don't kill people, I kill people" (courtesy of happy gilmore)
post #18 of 26
I wish I could say that I said those but they actually came form a song called "Whatever happened to the chainsaw juggler" by The Four Postmen!
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
Reply
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
Reply
post #19 of 26
A good mngmt. quote for ourselves is .........
"Why do what you should do today if you can get away with doing it tomarrow"

West vs. East in problem solving ............

Western mngmnt " who can we blame and punish for this problem"
Easterm mngmt "managers , this is the problem and how do we fix it so it happens no more?"
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity !
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The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity !
Reply
post #20 of 26
The three sentences that will get you through life:

1- Cover for me.
2- Oh, good idea, Boss !
3- It was like that when I got here.
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
post #21 of 26
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot"

I don't know who said it.

RF
"'If I watch out for rocks
With my eyes straight ahead,
I'll keep out of trouble
Forever,' I said."
Dr. Seuss, "I Had Trouble in getting to Solla Sollew"
Reply
"'If I watch out for rocks
With my eyes straight ahead,
I'll keep out of trouble
Forever,' I said."
Dr. Seuss, "I Had Trouble in getting to Solla Sollew"
Reply
post #22 of 26
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
post #23 of 26
My mother used a gem this weekend that I think I'll test-drive next time the opportunity arises...

She stumbled on something she was trying to say, then said, "My tongue got in the way of my eye teeth and I couldn't see what I was saying."
Food is sex for the stomach.
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Food is sex for the stomach.
Reply
post #24 of 26
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think".
Dorothy Parker.
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
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What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
Reply
post #25 of 26
Which reminds me of the oldie;

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
Joe
Exec. Chef, mon bistro à la maison
---------------------------------------
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Reply
post #26 of 26
Take it easy...and if shes easy, take her twice.

If its not broken, don't fix it. Just smash it then claim it broken.

S-H-I-T...Super High Intensity Training
D-E-L-T-A (as in Delta airlines) Dosn't Ever Leave The Airport or Don't Expect Lugage To Arrice
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