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Sandy does Corn Dogs at he Carnival

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I'm afraid you just have to see this Carnal-val Knowledge episode of Semi-Homemade to believe it.

I can't do a full review because there was so much inuendo involved, I would be risking getting kicked off this fine forum! :o

All I'll suggest is when making things like corn dogs, churras and frozen bananas, don't mention how your niece "likes big ones" and don't ever put flavored imitation coffee creamer in funnel cake batter. :eek:
"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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post #2 of 21
I caught this one today. Her choice of foods was interesting, but the ingredients were DREK. A cup of vanilla Coffeemate liquid??? Blech. I think everything was fried, too. There was enough cholesterol and trans fat in that party to do a whole lot of damage.
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post #3 of 21
Ok, I am going to hope this is not the one to not be be deleted :D


As to the show, nothing wrong with "big ones";) hehe. Bet her momma was so proud to hear that I tell you what LOL:roll::smoking:

As to the question about carnie foods............. having spent a very very very very short time working at a carnival I gotsta say FRIES WITH GRAVY! As well as today's poutine (and for those that don't know what that is, it is white cheese curdes ontop of the fries then covered in the gravy. Fav of us around here and a staple in the diet up north).

Also, any well grilled with even excess char meat. Rarely matters what kind of meat, as long as it is cooked, bite size (or ground meat patties), and well grilled :lips: WITH THE ONIONS!! Oh, and if it is sausages they NEED sauerkraut and onions and hot mustard YUM! And if it is souvlaki, hot pitas and tzatziki or sour cream (we really need a drooling emote here :crazy: )

Candy apples, and cotton candy, and sponge toffee of course, and LOTS of watered down pop!

Hmm, there may be other things.... I have been to a carnival with a cook doing grilled polish sausage, and even vegi burgers and tofu on a stick.....

:D
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Space...the final frontier. These are the voyages of KeeperOfTheGood. His lifetime mission: to explore strange new worlds of flavour, to seek out new life and and ways of cooking it- to boldly grill where no man has grilled before.
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post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
I haven't been to a carnival in a long time, but I remember some good carnival food. Certainly more than what Sandy did today. And even the things she made, I'm sure were made better. The churros were so limp, but when they showed them on the table, they were stiff. The crew must have shot them with viagra! :D

Anyway, I just don't think it's worth the trouble to make stuff like this. That's probably why people only have it at carnivals. I would like to make the funnel cake just for my daughter who doesn't get to carnivals much and loves it.

A point of irony: someone had to use a funnel to get that hideous batter in the ketchup bottle....uh, Sandy, there's a reason it's called FUNNEL CAKE! :crazy:
"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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post #5 of 21
Hey oh

Well, I had to ACTUALLY look it up! Ihave never had a funnel cake in my life! We do a dough pattie deepfried dusted in sugar and cinnamon called Beaver Tails....

So, I googled for Funnel Cake :D

http://www.funnelcake.com/Default.htm
Space...the final frontier. These are the voyages of KeeperOfTheGood. His lifetime mission: to explore strange new worlds of flavour, to seek out new life and and ways of cooking it- to boldly grill where no man has grilled before.
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Space...the final frontier. These are the voyages of KeeperOfTheGood. His lifetime mission: to explore strange new worlds of flavour, to seek out new life and and ways of cooking it- to boldly grill where no man has grilled before.
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post #6 of 21
You know, I saw a rerun of this and noticed they blurred out the name on the orange KitchenAid mixer she was using. Could it be the company doesn't want to be associated with this travesty? :eek:
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post #7 of 21
Here are my observations about the Carnival Show...
(Warning…I was especially annoyed by this ep…)

Step right up and see the INFLATABLE WOMAN!
With just a short surgical procedure (easy, easy), Skeletor is stacked better than Charo.

* The funnel cakes looked like brains. I may never be able to eat one again. (Maybe that's a good thing.)

* I loved how the Kitchen Aid name was blurred out! Looks like another fine sponsor has come to its senses.

* The candy apples did not look repulsive - I guess maybe there was one redeeming "dish" presented in this ep. I've got to get my aunt's recipe for candy apples - to see how you really make them.

* "Just TOSS the hot oil over the funnel cakes..." NEVER use the word "toss" when referring to hot oil. I generally say "spoon."

* The "f'ntastics" are plentiful...and they still sound like nails on a blackboard.

* "You need a thermometer because you want the temperature to be exact." Later... "You want the oil at 180 or 190 or 200." So which the f*ck one is it? Why bother with the thermometer?

* In the corn dogs.. WTF is Italian Spaghetti Sauce ENVELOPE powder doing in corn dog batter? The coating is supposed to taste like CORN BREAD, not something you can't identify. I can see maybe gilding the lily a bit by adding chile powder and a dash of cumin but even THAT's a stretch.

* This woman has got to be making some money. When is she going to get a diction coach? "MELK"! I can't stand it.

* It's not advisable to wear FLOPPY SLEEVES AND SHEER CLOTHING while frying food in deep oil. Isn't there a bad joke about naked bacon frying that comes to mind? DH said, "Why is she wearing a nitie in the kitchen?" Gotta love him! :D

* Garbage like envelopes and boxes on the counter behind you? WTF?

* "Fry the hot dogs until they reach an internal temp of 160 for safety." Now I'm going out on a limb here because I don't have research or studies or a bibliography but...Aren't hot dogs like bologna? Basically cooked and you just heat them on the grill? I invite someone who knows more than me to let me know.

* Shove some more food in your mouth and talk some more, Sandy. As though your cooking weren't bad enough, I need to hear you garble a sentence or two - ON TELEVISION. And covering your mouth WHILE you talk with your mouth full is no improvement.

* I like to refer to this as THE GLORIFIED BISQUICK SHOW. If Bisquick doesn't hire her, they're fools.

* The frozen bananas. I could not BELIEVE she referred to them as a "healthy snack." Perhaps if you froze a banana, rolled it in peanut butter, then in granola and THEN froze it - the treat would be closer to healthy. But not her way. Potassium, my big fat Italian *****.

* Churros get ONLY CINNAMON & SUGAR. There IS no pumpkin pie spice in them. End of story.


About the obvious phallic references - hear me now. No one on the planet can associate food with sex more effectively or vividly than I. Skeleton woman shoving corn dogs, frozen bananas, and churros in her pie hole with both hands only goes to prove that she is a trophy wife with no real talent...while standing. As overweight as she may be, Ina, lovingly preparing a wonderful meal for her husband is far more sexy than an anorexic hack who can't cook.
Food is sex for the stomach.
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Food is sex for the stomach.
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post #8 of 21
Now Chiff....Don't sugar coat it. Tell us how you really feel :D :D :D

That was great! I really gotta catch one of the travestys :eek: :D
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My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
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post #9 of 21
Thread Starter 
About the attire on this episode: she probably showed up with just the spaghetti strap tank and was told to cover-up a little. Or, it was supposed to look like cotton candy for this ode to Festivus.

Another reason why this show is hazardous to the unknowing: Even the most basic of safety rules are not promoted. As Chiff mentioned, never wear long floppy sleeves while cooking, especially deep frying. And she still does not have any knife skills. That bony finger is always extended along the back of the blade and the left hand fingers are in perfect position for amputation.

As far as I know, there is no rule about heating hot dogs to a certain temperature. My brother loved them right out of the fridge as a child and he's still here. Sandy's an idiot.



* Thanks Keeper for the recipe link!
"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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post #10 of 21
The first time I watched this show, I was really hoping for some "shortcuts" that I could use for weeknight fare. I don't use short cuts for holidays, celebrations and days of significance - that's when I pull out all the stops and it's "top shelf everything."

Believe it or not, through Shamdra, I got to better appreciate Rachel Ray and her set of acceptable shortcuts. I don't think using a bag of frozen broccoli is a crime - especially when held up to the twisted standard of La Choy Chinese Vegetables in a can. :rolleyes: During one of Sandra's lower moments, she used kids' pudding snacks to make Tiramisu. The other day I was flipping through stations and I heard RR say she was making Tiramisu - I was glued to the TV to see how she short-cutted the cream. She didn't - she used mascarpone. I guess the shortcut was the purchased ladyfingers.

I swear to you - The first time I watched Shamdra dump a can of Campbell's Chicken & Rice soup into a bowl of stuffing mix I did this: :eek:. I watched a few more minutes and did one of these: :confused:. I watched a few more minutes and did a combination of :lol: and :roll:. THAT's when I knew she was :crazy:. The TVFN discussion boards were still up and I went to her "fan" area. My first post was entitled: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." Next thing you know - others were "admitting" that they could NOT believe what this woman was doing on TV in the name of cooking. Then, of course, there were the few "fans" defending her... We'd reply and instruct posters how to really make just about everything on Shamdra's menu for the week. Thus a Movement was born :D.

Since then, we've been snarking non-stop every Saturday at the funniest show since Friends. Another discussion board was born of this effort and it's called Cassandra Crossing.
Food is sex for the stomach.
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Food is sex for the stomach.
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post #11 of 21
I guess we're not the only ones. I found this one as well: http://forums.televisionwithoutpity....?showforum=743
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
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My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
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post #12 of 21
Yes! TWOP! Shamdra's show used to have its own "thread" - it's still archived. Eventually, after it reached over 700 pages, they gave her a folder to call our snarking home...LOL. Now they break up episodes like they do every other show. Some of that stuff is the wittiest on the net.
Food is sex for the stomach.
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Food is sex for the stomach.
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post #13 of 21
She sure has kicked up the buzz, hasn't she? Guess we're all doing Food TV's bidding, because I'm sure some of us are tuning in just to see this travesty of a cooking show.

BTW, I consider what Rachel Ray does "speed scratch". She uses some convenience foods, like frozen veggies, but not processed foods to any great degree. Now that boxed stock has gotten decent (see Cook's Illustrated article; they like Swanson's organic chicken stock very much) and there are goodies like creditable jarred roasted red peppers, the cooking world is a different place. No more long trips to the "gourmet food store" buy feta because the mega-mart has it every day and in several forms. Tomatillos? Fresh cilentro? No problem, it's right there in produce. There's just no reason to use some of the more sludgy products (cream of whatever soup, for instance) to make good food any more.
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post #14 of 21
Thread Starter 
Yes!!! I watch it for the same reason people just can't look away from an accident. I doubt that this is what FN or SL had in mind, though. :D

She does seem like a throwback to the 1950s housewife. All prettied up, in high heels, opening cans and boxes in her "cute" kitchen. The only problem is: that was not reality then and certainly isn't now. Plus, Sandy's meals are even more unhealthy and unappetizing. :(

I hope she does a Passover episode. "Take the 'mat zoes' and crush them up in your baggie, then put them in the imitation egg mix and add a cup of coffee mate and a packet of taco seasoning and a fruit cup..."

You'll hear me howling from NYC! :D :eek: :D
"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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post #15 of 21
I'm writing to SOMEONE because I want this term added to Larousse Gastronomique. :bounce:
Food is sex for the stomach.
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Food is sex for the stomach.
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post #16 of 21
We won't help her cause just by watching, right? Unless you're a Nielsen family, shows (and hosts) make money when one purchases the items advertised during that particular show, or that are used on that particular show, correct?

:( . o O (God, I hope so...)

I doubt any serious cook is going to run right out and buy stock in Cool Whip and bagged angel food cake and cream of garbage soup.
Food is sex for the stomach.
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Food is sex for the stomach.
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post #17 of 21
\

Kerry:

You're too funny! :p
Salad is the kind of food that real food eats.
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Salad is the kind of food that real food eats.
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post #18 of 21
This would be hysterical. Hmmm.. here would be a Passover seder menu, Sandra Lee style:

Chicken soup with matzo balls- made with matzo meal, hard-boiled eggs (safer, you know) and Miracle Whip
Chicken soup made with boullion cubes ("fast and easy!")
Deep fried gefilte fish with horsey sauce (the fake horseradish sauce, squeezed out of the little fast-food packets) served on lettuce
Quick 'n Easy Brisket- roast beef from the deli served in mushroom-beef soup straight out of the can, garnished with diced canned tomatoes
Potato kugel made with Potato Buds, frozen onions and freeze-dried chives, reconstituted with evaporated milk; garnish with a festive sprinkle of paprika
Creamed spinach made with Cremora
Dessert would be one of those sawdust-dry sponge cakes made form a mix, garnished with CoolWhip and blueberry pie filling (you know, blue and white are Jewish colors!)
Cocktails: Manischewitz Cream Concord Grape Wine, rum, club soda and cream. Refreshing!

Can anyone "improve" this menu? :rolleyes:
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post #19 of 21
Thread Starter 
...I don't know if I could make that menu any funnier! :D :D :D

Unfortunately, I don't think it would be far from the truth if Sandy did a Passover menu for 'all my Jewish friends", which I'm sure she would say repeatedly. But she would probably screw up the decorating and have menorrahs all over the kitchen! :o

Dessert would likely be macaroons made of the leftover coconut from the Tropical Dinner Party episode. Just add some vanilla flavored coffee mate, a little pudding mix, and tons of sugar and margarine. :eek:
"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks." -Lin Yutang
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post #20 of 21
Unlikely! :D :D You guys are terrible :roll: :bounce: :p
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
Reply
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
Reply
post #21 of 21
Chrose, coming from you that's a high compliment! :D
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