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....And the gutters ran brown with the blood of carrots.

post #1 of 3
11/9/05 at 1:08pm
Thread Starter 
I got two big coolers of carrots, a cooler of leeks and a bunch of other stuff brought in by a local farmer and spent the morning cleaning all this beautiful produce. As I am standing there clipping greens off of carrots and chopping up leeks I had this thought of doing an educational video for "Dingbats for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables".
"Imagine. Every day billions of vegetables around the world are murdered to become entrees, salads, sides, soups and appetizers. And occasionally dessert. We are born disliking vegetables and have been brainwashed since childhood by "well meaning" adults telling us to "eat our veggies". It is just a big conspiracy by so-called "farmers" to get money from the government at the expense of our friends in the vegetable kingdom. Stop vegetable abuse! Eat more cows. "
After getting a good chuckle discussing Vegetable Rights, the coolers were empty and I took them out to the street and dumped out the muddy water. And the gutters ran brown with the blood of carrots. Then I went in a made a really great Cream of Carrot and Leek soup. It turned out killer......
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post #2 of 3
11/9/05 at 1:23pm
Tool beat you to it.

(read in televangelist style)

And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil.

One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?"

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust."

And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! **** you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!"

Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus.

Phil
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post #3 of 3
11/10/05 at 6:21am
Wow, literature! for a minute I thought this was egullet.

Tony



Edited to add: I enjoyed them both.
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