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The Best of The Worst

post #1 of 71
Thread Starter 
The 101 Ways to Have a Miserable Dining Experience
by the contributors of ChefTalk.com


1. Be sure to 'auction off' food. Who gets the prime rib? And the salmon? Who ordered the salmon?

2. "Do you need change?" assuming that ALL that money is for my wonderful service.


...who's got #3... 4... 5...

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

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Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

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post #2 of 71
3. "Are you done with that?" (Or would you like to continue clogging up one of the tables I'm trying so desperately to turn, like the cretinous insect you so clearly are?)

4. "Hi, my name is LikeICouldPossiblyCare, and I'm going to be your server tonight." (Just in case you wondered why I'm standing here handing you menus.)
post #3 of 71
5. Always treat your guests based upon your perception of how rich and/or important they are. Only the worthy ones should get good service and you're the judge!
post #4 of 71
6. Be sure to turn your back on me and hit on my partner...

7.Ensure I will empathize with your lousy day by telling me in lengthy detail how sick you feel, how badly the kitchen is doing, how shortstaffed you are because management s***s,etc etc etc...
"I gotta start being nicer to people... this karma thing really sucks..."
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"I gotta start being nicer to people... this karma thing really sucks..."
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post #5 of 71
8. "Are you still working on that?" As if eating the food in that place should be a tedious experience....

9. Leaning your arms on the table and finding stickiness. :eek:
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***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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post #6 of 71
Thread Starter 
True story... from an hour ago!

10. "I'll be right with you... I have to finish sending this text message to my boyfriend." :eek:

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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post #7 of 71
11. After dining for about an hour and a half and spent over $200 in food and wine. "Excuse me would mind leaving we have a lot of people waiting for tables."
Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
Bacon (I made)
(26 photos)
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Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
Bacon (I made)
(26 photos)
Reply
post #8 of 71
12- shoes, you must look at there shoes! I've known waiters who
judge the amount of service given purely upon whats on their guests
feet.
post #9 of 71
13 - Enusre guest wait at least 20 minutes for their bill after having asked for it!
Chef Bob


"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch?" ~ Orsen Wells (1915-1985)
http://www.frappr.com/cheftalkcafe
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Chef Bob


"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch?" ~ Orsen Wells (1915-1985)
http://www.frappr.com/cheftalkcafe
Reply
post #10 of 71
14- When the bill total is always given with tax included, so you end up tipping based on the total PLUS tax. :mad:

I'm never hestant to tip well (I waited tables in another life), but I resent being expected to tip that way.
Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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post #11 of 71
13a) Ensure an additional wait of at least the same 20 minutes before returning with my credit card, change...
"I gotta start being nicer to people... this karma thing really sucks..."
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"I gotta start being nicer to people... this karma thing really sucks..."
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post #12 of 71
15 - Be sure to wait until your patrons' tongues are swollen and parched before coming into view and asking if they would like their water/drinks refilled.
post #13 of 71
Thread Starter 
16. "Hi, what can I get for YOUS?"

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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post #14 of 71
17. Being seated near screaming babies and parents who allow their children to scream, throw tantrums and play/drop/throw silverware/food.
post #15 of 71
18. Make sure your server waits at least 20 minutes after ordering before informing you that they are out of your entree.
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
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What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
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post #16 of 71
19. When ordering for vegetarians/ vegans, make sure that the server understands that chicken stock/ beef stock is not "meat", per se...., in fact knowing little or nothing about the menu or food isn't as important as having "a nice personality". And everybody knows that the best waitstaff crouch down right in your face for a more "personal" approach. And if the waitstaff REALLY like you, they may sit down!!!
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
Reply
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
Reply
post #17 of 71
20. You're kidding! You don't really want to order that do you? Oh well....it's your money...whatever.....
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
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My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
Reply
post #18 of 71
21. "Yeah...my ride is here, so if you don't mind paying your bill....."
http://www.onceachef.com/ is my personal blog where I share many recipes, my passion for cooking, and all things food.
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http://www.onceachef.com/ is my personal blog where I share many recipes, my passion for cooking, and all things food.
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post #19 of 71
22. Ensuring that no matter how many times you send your steak back...it willnever be cooked right. (An hour ago)
post #20 of 71
23. When wine lists don't include the vintages. :mad:

Mark
Salad is the kind of food that real food eats.
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Salad is the kind of food that real food eats.
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post #21 of 71
24) The chef says that's the way it is. (if you don't like it, tough)
post #22 of 71
25. Note to floor manager: Reprimand staff only in front of customers. Same goes in the kitchen: If the chef is screaming, obviously its not his fault.
26. Note to kitchen staff: enter dining room only with filthy jacket and/or apron. It makes the guests think you work SO HARD you don't have time to mess around with trivials, like appearance...
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
Reply
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
Reply
post #23 of 71
27. Don't wash your hands when leaving the bathroom.
post #24 of 71
28. After receving terrible service and paying the bill the server did not bring back the change.
Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
Bacon (I made)
(26 photos)
Reply
Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
Bacon (I made)
(26 photos)
Reply
post #25 of 71
Thread Starter 
29. "I don't know... I have never tasted that. It sounds kinda weird...":crazy:

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

Reply

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

Reply
post #26 of 71

Dining interruptus.

30. Don't forget to bring your cellphone!
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
Reply
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
Reply
post #27 of 71
31. Never do anything special for your regular guests. Heck, they're just getting in the way of the new people who deserve to try out your food, too.
post #28 of 71
32. A waitress that comes back every minute to see if you need anything and refill an already full cup a joe.
post #29 of 71
33
Oh! There's our server. He or She might be heading this way? Yea, they're coming.
Boy, must have an itchy nose.
Should probably get to the barber, that Elvis swish is bound to get their hand dirty.
Oh, That is sooo cool !the way he shoves his order pad down the back of his pants. OMGosh, did you catch the switch, he took our order and shoved it down the front when leaving

Never! Live To Work!:::::::Work To Live!::Life Is Too Short!!
Paninicakes.com

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Never! Live To Work!:::::::Work To Live!::Life Is Too Short!!
Paninicakes.com

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post #30 of 71
34. I am going to apologize before I even seat you.

That one happened to me, and yes she did need to apologize.
My life, my choice.....
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My life, my choice.....
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