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The Best of The Worst

post #1 of 71
1/14/06 at 7:30am
Thread Starter 
The 101 Ways to Have a Miserable Dining Experience
by the contributors of ChefTalk.com


1. Be sure to 'auction off' food. Who gets the prime rib? And the salmon? Who ordered the salmon?

2. "Do you need change?" assuming that ALL that money is for my wonderful service.


...who's got #3... 4... 5...

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

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post #2 of 71
1/14/06 at 8:13am
3. "Are you done with that?" (Or would you like to continue clogging up one of the tables I'm trying so desperately to turn, like the cretinous insect you so clearly are?)

4. "Hi, my name is LikeICouldPossiblyCare, and I'm going to be your server tonight." (Just in case you wondered why I'm standing here handing you menus.)
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post #3 of 71
1/14/06 at 10:06am
5. Always treat your guests based upon your perception of how rich and/or important they are. Only the worthy ones should get good service and you're the judge!
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post #4 of 71
1/14/06 at 11:57am
6. Be sure to turn your back on me and hit on my partner...

7.Ensure I will empathize with your lousy day by telling me in lengthy detail how sick you feel, how badly the kitchen is doing, how shortstaffed you are because management s***s,etc etc etc...
"I gotta start being nicer to people... this karma thing really sucks..."
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post #5 of 71
1/14/06 at 12:09pm
8. "Are you still working on that?" As if eating the food in that place should be a tedious experience....

9. Leaning your arms on the table and finding stickiness. :eek:
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post #6 of 71
1/14/06 at 2:35pm
Thread Starter 
True story... from an hour ago!

10. "I'll be right with you... I have to finish sending this text message to my boyfriend." :eek:

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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post #7 of 71
1/15/06 at 7:40am
11. After dining for about an hour and a half and spent over $200 in food and wine. "Excuse me would mind leaving we have a lot of people waiting for tables."
Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
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post #8 of 71
1/15/06 at 8:30am
12- shoes, you must look at there shoes! I've known waiters who
judge the amount of service given purely upon whats on their guests
feet.
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post #9 of 71
1/16/06 at 10:06am
13 - Enusre guest wait at least 20 minutes for their bill after having asked for it!
Chef Bob


"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch?" ~ Orsen Wells (1915-1985)
http://www.frappr.com/cheftalkcafe
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post #10 of 71
1/16/06 at 1:13pm
14- When the bill total is always given with tax included, so you end up tipping based on the total PLUS tax. :mad:

I'm never hestant to tip well (I waited tables in another life), but I resent being expected to tip that way.
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post #11 of 71
1/16/06 at 6:14pm
13a) Ensure an additional wait of at least the same 20 minutes before returning with my credit card, change...
"I gotta start being nicer to people... this karma thing really sucks..."
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post #12 of 71
1/16/06 at 8:58pm
15 - Be sure to wait until your patrons' tongues are swollen and parched before coming into view and asking if they would like their water/drinks refilled.
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post #13 of 71
1/17/06 at 3:39am
Thread Starter 
16. "Hi, what can I get for YOUS?"

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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post #14 of 71
1/17/06 at 7:33am
17. Being seated near screaming babies and parents who allow their children to scream, throw tantrums and play/drop/throw silverware/food.
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post #15 of 71
1/17/06 at 1:26pm
18. Make sure your server waits at least 20 minutes after ordering before informing you that they are out of your entree.
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
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post #16 of 71
1/17/06 at 1:32pm
19. When ordering for vegetarians/ vegans, make sure that the server understands that chicken stock/ beef stock is not "meat", per se...., in fact knowing little or nothing about the menu or food isn't as important as having "a nice personality". And everybody knows that the best waitstaff crouch down right in your face for a more "personal" approach. And if the waitstaff REALLY like you, they may sit down!!!
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
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post #17 of 71
1/17/06 at 7:24pm
20. You're kidding! You don't really want to order that do you? Oh well....it's your money...whatever.....
My latest musical venture!
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Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
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post #18 of 71
1/18/06 at 7:56pm
21. "Yeah...my ride is here, so if you don't mind paying your bill....."
From Man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the World-Saint Arnoldus
http://www.onceachef.com/
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post #19 of 71
1/18/06 at 8:25pm
22. Ensuring that no matter how many times you send your steak back...it willnever be cooked right. (An hour ago)
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post #20 of 71
1/19/06 at 3:11am
23. When wine lists don't include the vintages. :mad:

Mark
Salad is the kind of food that real food eats.
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post #21 of 71
1/19/06 at 7:06am
24) The chef says that's the way it is. (if you don't like it, tough)
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post #22 of 71
1/19/06 at 10:07am
25. Note to floor manager: Reprimand staff only in front of customers. Same goes in the kitchen: If the chef is screaming, obviously its not his fault.
26. Note to kitchen staff: enter dining room only with filthy jacket and/or apron. It makes the guests think you work SO HARD you don't have time to mess around with trivials, like appearance...
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
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post #23 of 71
1/19/06 at 11:24pm
27. Don't wash your hands when leaving the bathroom.
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post #24 of 71
1/21/06 at 8:10am
28. After receving terrible service and paying the bill the server did not bring back the change.
Thanks,

Nicko 
ChefTalk.com Founder
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
All About Braising: The Art of Uncomplicated Cooking
Bacon (I made)
(26 photos)
Places I Have Cooked
(8 items)
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post #25 of 71
1/25/06 at 3:25am
Thread Starter 
29. "I don't know... I have never tasted that. It sounds kinda weird...":crazy:

Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple

My Author Page

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post #26 of 71
1/25/06 at 7:42am

Dining interruptus.

30. Don't forget to bring your cellphone!
What a relief! To find out after all these years that I'm not crazy. I'm just culinarily divergent...
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post #27 of 71
1/25/06 at 6:29pm
31. Never do anything special for your regular guests. Heck, they're just getting in the way of the new people who deserve to try out your food, too.
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post #28 of 71
1/28/06 at 4:57pm
32. A waitress that comes back every minute to see if you need anything and refill an already full cup a joe.
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post #29 of 71
1/28/06 at 6:39pm
33
Oh! There's our server. He or She might be heading this way? Yea, they're coming.
Boy, must have an itchy nose.
Should probably get to the barber, that Elvis swish is bound to get their hand dirty.
Oh, That is sooo cool !the way he shoves his order pad down the back of his pants. OMGosh, did you catch the switch, he took our order and shoved it down the front when leaving

Never! Live To Work!:::::::Work To Live!::Life Is To Short!!
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post #30 of 71
1/28/06 at 9:13pm
34. I am going to apologize before I even seat you.

That one happened to me, and yes she did need to apologize.
My life, my choice.....
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Great product that allows you to manually adjust the sharpening angle for each knife