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You're a Bad Cook If......................

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
I can relate to a few of these, if not all. LOL :lol:

Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren

Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.

Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Your kids favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle .

Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.

Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags.

Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

No matter what you do to it the gravy still turns bright purple.

You burned the house down trying to make jelly.


:roll: :roll:
post #2 of 15
:crazy: I like this one!
My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
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My latest musical venture!
http://myspace.com/nikandtheniceguys
 
Also
http://www.myspace.com/popshowband "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP
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post #3 of 15

You're a bad cook if....

.... everyone's busy when you try to invite them over for dinner. :D
Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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post #4 of 15
I like this thread. Just wish I could come up with something to add to it!

Regards Cakerookie....
post #5 of 15
LOL, we could be in trouble, got a sprinkler system in this place. BB I just love that tromping chicken, He is definately on a mission.
post #6 of 15
Thread Starter 
I just happened to come across it and thought this was the perfect forum to post it on. I know most of you are better cooks than I am. My cooking mostly just includes the use of a can opener and a single pot or something on the end of a stick over a fire, but there's something there we could all relate to at one time or another.:lol:
post #7 of 15

Hmmm....

Your "hamburger helper" quit
You're dying clothing and making stew and can't remember which one is which.
You use the fuzz on strawberries as a garnish
"Deep frying" is shoving the food as far down into the pot of oil as possible
"Layered Flavors" means spreading at least a half inch of any two things on white bread.
You grill a burger by wrapping it in aluminum foil and sticking it on your manifold on the way to work.
Your definition of "road kill" is tenderized meat with fur
You keep waiting for the "microwave" to be 'improved' to "megawave".
Condiments are food groups
'Pasta' is when you stick something to something else with glue.
You don't have to pluck your eyebrows. They're all burned off anyway.
Your cat went missing after you fed it leftovers
So did your dog
So did your family
You use your fry pan drippings to lube your truck
Then your truck went missing
You forget to clean the poultry shears after trimming your toenails.
You think "ground beef" means a hamburger that has been dropped on the floor.
The dog will eat out of the cat's litter box or drink out of the toilet but puke your food up.

:roll:
post #8 of 15
"Fear Factor" uses one of your recipes.

You think that the blue vein in the mozzarella that you found at the back of your fridge makes it better.

After dinner, your family tops their ice cream with pepto bismol.

You've forgotten that poop should be solid.

Your family doesn't say grace, they pray for their own safety.

...???... That's all I got....
Will work for a bed and shower... I want to find a place to live that isn't Vermont. I am interested in seeing a few sites.
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Will work for a bed and shower... I want to find a place to live that isn't Vermont. I am interested in seeing a few sites.
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post #9 of 15
Your friends are all anorexic.

You can diagnose and treat e-coli better than any doctor.

If someone barfs, you instinctively say, "My bad."
Will work for a bed and shower... I want to find a place to live that isn't Vermont. I am interested in seeing a few sites.
Reply
Will work for a bed and shower... I want to find a place to live that isn't Vermont. I am interested in seeing a few sites.
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post #10 of 15
Everyone brings you there shoes to fix...
My life, my choice.....
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My life, my choice.....
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post #11 of 15
Food TV names a brand new show after you... "How to Burn Water."
post #12 of 15
Paul Prodhomme developed blackening after living next to you.

No fear of flies, the aroma keeps them away

you've proved there is no such thing as a non-stick pan...

your kids only know the brown and black food groups

when a recipe says fool proof you take it as a challenge

Pizza Delivery service sends you a Christmas bonus, chinese place has you listed on the welcome sign.....
cooking with all your senses.....
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cooking with all your senses.....
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post #13 of 15
All you have in your fridge are condiments and beer

Your cat eats better than you do (Cats lick their own butts)

You go home hungry every night

You don't think to add REAL cheese to your mac-n-cheese

You can tell what you have cooked by what is under your fingernails

-Jaun
post #14 of 15
I think all I have in my refridgerator at home is condiments and beer.
My life, my choice.....
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My life, my choice.....
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post #15 of 15
Show of hands, what working chef actually has more than condoments and beer in their fridge?

Oh, and fixings for coffee... I like a splash of milk, no sugar.

Before I had a kid, that's all I had. I'd say that this is definately NOT a sign of a bad cook. Ironically, I'd say the opposite.

Bad cook = fridge full of vegetables destined for the trash monster.
Will work for a bed and shower... I want to find a place to live that isn't Vermont. I am interested in seeing a few sites.
Reply
Will work for a bed and shower... I want to find a place to live that isn't Vermont. I am interested in seeing a few sites.
Reply
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