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Out of Hollandaise... what do you do? (humor)

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Don't take this seriously, we're all guilty of something like this in some form or other.
Let's say you have about two servings of Hollandaise left... which of the following would you do?

1) Knowing the waitstaff will order it if you tell them you're out, you tell them you're 86'd on Hollandaise so don't order any Salmon Mousseline.

2) Be quiet about it and tell the waitstaff when you're REALLY out and make them change the order.

3) Go smoke a cigarette after the rush and let the pantry guy take the blame if someone needs Bearnaise.

4) Allow the waitstaff to order something with Hollandaise but tell them it will take at least 15 minutes, thereby discouraging them.

5) Tell the waitstaff you're temporarily out but you'll have some in a few minutes but never get around to making it.

6) Fry up some steak and eggs with the last of the Hollandaise for a late night snack :)

7) Go look for the mayonnaise and add a squeeze of lemon juice.

8) Pretend you can't find any eggs so you can't make anymore Hollandaise

9) Spend all night in the back separating eggs while blasting Classic Rock on the Radio.

10) Tell the dishwasher to make some :)

Kuan :)
post #2 of 21
11) Send the dishwasher to the nearest supermarket to get Knorr's... ;)
K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»
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K

«Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.»
«Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt.»
«Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some things are just better rich.»
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post #3 of 21
12) Throw a hissey fit ( must include flinging a whisk). Loudly announce to all and sundry (esp the owner) that you are never making Hollandaise again as it is old, tiresome and out of touch. Demand changes to the menu, no demand an entire new menu. Go outside and have a smoke, applying option 10 on your way out the door...Just one girls opinion
post #4 of 21
Depends what kind of place you're working in! Some of the dreck I've been served as Hollandaise was yellow wallpaper paste, tasteless yellow glop, salty yellow glop, or a white odd-smelling substance composed, probably, of chemicals and dishwater. Good Hollandaise is one of my favorite foods. I'd rather do without than suffer with less.
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Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
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post #5 of 21
13) Tell the FOH manager to announce to all that the restaurant has just reached it's RDA allotment of hollandaise and for the protection of our loyal patrons' the restaurant is now serving the eggs benedict dressed in it's own poaching liquid.
SmartGirl to the rescue!
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SmartGirl to the rescue!
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post #6 of 21
Make an announcement over the PA system that the Holandaise Chef has gone to the emergency room and you will be out of holandaise for the rest of the night.

This works with baked potatoes, rare prime rib, sour cream almost anything.
post #7 of 21
Thin a little Velveeta with milk, add some French's yellow mustard....and claim it is the new cheesey hollandaise - all the rage in Wisconsin.
post #8 of 21
Velveeta? 'Fraid not, Nancy. We Wisconsinites eat only real cheese (and Hollandaise, for that matter), thank you very much!! ;)

[ September 27, 2001: Message edited by: Greg ]
Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
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Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
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post #9 of 21
Sorry 'bout the Wisconsin bit there....after all I hear that ya'll have real cheese on your quarterpounders!

Here is a story you might enjoy. The Velveeta Rabbit learns to become a real cheese.

The Velveeta Rabbit
post #10 of 21
I am grieved that you all bash Velveeta. It is a princely food, and hey, its not that cheap either. Its a food of my childhood, and I think it has its place in the kitchen (especially mine)! We make a creamy tarragon sauce which includes a little velveeta and a lot of fresh tarragon that can be used in place of hollandaise that is wonderful.

But seriously, if you have a hollandaise, how do you hold it and keep it warm over a 2 or 3 hour period during service time without it breaking?

Thanks,

H.
Living velveeta loca
post #11 of 21
:D :D :D :D :D
Thanks to all who participated in this!!!!! We all need a good laugh right now. BTW, Nancya, where did you find that story?
"Notorious stickler" -- The New York Times, January 4, 2004
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"Notorious stickler" -- The New York Times, January 4, 2004
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post #12 of 21
Cute, wasn't it Suzanne? Thanks to cchiu, I'm becoming an expert on the search!

Tripped over it trying to find out where Velveeta is made, 'cause I could have sworn it was made in Wisconsin. ;)

At any rate, the story is part of a short story archive. Stories
post #13 of 21

best trick ever for hollandaise

to hold for 2 to 3 hrs, put it in a thermo-coffee pot, works like a charm. Just be sure to rinse out the coffee, cuz we know its in there still !~ heheheh
post #14 of 21
Make a small batch of hollandaise, If you sell it God Bless, If you don't you will have that much more for the steak and eggs.:chef:
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One time a guy pulled a knife on me. I could tell it wasn't a professional job; it had butter on it.- Rodney Dangerfield -


'We're ALL amateurs; It's just that some of us are more professional about it than others'. - George Carlin
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http://www.frappr.com/chefsunited
One time a guy pulled a knife on me. I could tell it wasn't a professional job; it had butter on it.- Rodney Dangerfield -


'We're ALL amateurs; It's just that some of us are more professional about it than others'. - George Carlin
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post #15 of 21
Thread Starter 
Man I miss some of these folks who haven't been around lately. :)
post #16 of 21
Chef's option: Yell at the cook whose station it was to make the hollandaise, telling him what an idiot he is for not making enough. Tell him he has 2 minutes to make new stuff and get the order out. Watch him attempt to cook the eggs over a straight flame, shout at him again as he scrambles the eggs and make him start over. Watch him fill the pot with 4 inches of water that he tries to bring to a boil, then yell at him for being the world's biggest idiot and pour out all the water except 1 inch. Watch him try and add the butter too quickly thereby breaking the hollandaise. Yell at the whole crew telling them they are all a bunch of morons as you decide the best thing is to do the job yourself!!!!

Seriously, the way I always keep my hollandaise is either on a shelf over the stoves. If too cold up there, due to the vents then I usually keep it in the steam table. To do this place hollandaise in a 6th pan. IN another 6th pan place a dampened towel. Place that 6th into your steam table and place the one filled with hollandaise in the pan with the towel. The towel should protect your hollandaise from getting too warm, but keep an eye on it though.
post #17 of 21
according to (the roadside place where they shot some of the final scenes of 'Pulp Fiction') in wenatchee, wa, you melt some yellow crayons in mayonnaise and add 1/2 cup salt. throw in a scoop of mashed potatoes and a couple of pieces of ice for that lumpy, watery look that says ' holly held over steam too long without stirring.'
post #18 of 21
Kuan, I'll be participating more now that I have some time off, Good to be back. When I get my hands on some more truffles We'll have to meet.:chef:
http://www.frappr.com/chefsunited
One time a guy pulled a knife on me. I could tell it wasn't a professional job; it had butter on it.- Rodney Dangerfield -


'We're ALL amateurs; It's just that some of us are more professional about it than others'. - George Carlin
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http://www.frappr.com/chefsunited
One time a guy pulled a knife on me. I could tell it wasn't a professional job; it had butter on it.- Rodney Dangerfield -


'We're ALL amateurs; It's just that some of us are more professional about it than others'. - George Carlin
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post #19 of 21
"...trying to find out where Velveeta is made, 'cause I could have sworn it was made in Wisconsin.

Actually, it's made in a refinery in Beaumont, Texas. :lol:

Mike
travelling gourmand
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travelling gourmand
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post #20 of 21
First, slam a utensil down to get foh's attention. Cuss at the alleged broken hollandaise. Quickly demand a Dutch beer to save the broken Hollandaise. Works every time.
post #21 of 21
not as funny but actually works:

seedy holland. Food process egg yolks. Drizzle some boiling water carefully and add your clarified butter(you always have some extra right)

if that fails 14. Egg white hollandaise, extra healthy(béchamel in french).
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