I would be bold and invite that we may both find a mutual kitchen to play in but I may be misunderstood,
what recipe did you want to post?
I am very lactose intolerant, even live culture yogurt causes pain and discomfort.
I have found that the use of Lactaid Milk is the best option. (http://www.lactaid.com/)
They make many lactose free dairy products by adding the enzyme lactase to the milk to break down the lactose into its two components Galactose and Sucrose which makes it easily digestible. You can use it just like regular milk, it has the same sugar content as its equivalent milk however it tastes slightly sweeter. After adding the enzyme and allowing it the time to break down the sugars they stop the process and this makes the milk actually last longer in the fridge than regular milk. You can make your own ice cream, yogurt, cream cheese etc with this product.
I have only seen one place with dairy free cream cheese but I haven't been able to find it locally (http://www.tofutti.com/)... until then (http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/makecreamcheese.htm) I use these directions with Lactaid milk (Whole Milk with added calcium)... and she is right a sheet of linen for pillowcases strains much better than cheese cloth and is cheaper by far. I have still not found a method of making clotted cream.
Lactose as it is a water soluble sugar will have some presence in the water portion of milk, but the fats will for the most part be lactose free. For example hard or aged cheeses as well as butter will contain only very miniscule amounts of lactose and then a portion of that will be used by bacteria.
There are a few products that I have come across that I can eat without too much of a problem. Dove Dark Smooth Chocolates (only the smooth pieces or bars), there are vegan chocolates that are made without milk as well.
I want to make a cold beet juice drink with citric acid, salt, sugar and sour cream. Being lactose intolerant, I need to get that flavor combination again without spending hours in the bathroom. I thought that sour cream was very low in lactose?!? Maybe I should grind up a bottle of Lactaid tablets and mix it all together?
What is the sour cream component there for? Texture? Flavor? Perhaps there are alternatives to milk products that could give you the same result while avoiding lactose altogether. For instance, coconut milk and lemon juice could probably come close to sour cream and have no lactose.