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What would you do?

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
In august i just finished culinary school, Right now im on externship and have a contract till january. When im done the plane was to move and work at a new resort and rent an apartment and such and start off, Last week my mom said i should just live with her and save the money from the apartment and work around where i live, the problem is there isnt much around where i live as far as nice quality restaurants go. Im mean theres some nice ones but there nothing great. The one thing im afraid of is going out on my own and not being able to pay rent and such and screwing my self over in the long run, right now im 19 and just starting of and wondering should i save the money and just work at a place to save money or gain experence?
post #2 of 14
I would move away.
Your young and now is the time to get out there and explore.
My advice is to chase the experience, not the money.
The money will be there later if you get the experience now.
You may find yourself lacking in experience later if you go for the top jobs now.
Try and get on someplace with a Chef you want to learn from.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
post #3 of 14

What would you make?

I absolutely agree! Who can you learn from? Where do you want to live? I left the area I grew up in at 17 and have had wonderful adventures in many places since then. My son just made the decision on where to live based on who he wants to learn from and what work he wants to do. It will be hard financially, but he is where he wants to be, learning and building a resume. At 22, that seems more important tha the long term finanial security that should come from this learning experience anyway!

post #4 of 14
Okay, bear with me here. This is from a mother's perspective. I know...GROAN.

Maybe mom just isn't ready to see you leave home or maybe she wonders if, at 19, you're really ready to be on your own. Maybe she's concerned that you're doing this 19. (sorry, I have a 16 year old and a 21 year old-this is fresh in my mind:eek:) I wouldn't tell you not to go, but maybe you should find someone to go with or find out before you go if you can share a place with other guys and girls living in the resort area to split expenses and to be safer.

I left home at 18 and moved from the east coast to Colorado with my best friend. We stayed with other girls from home and had some really wonderful..and not so wonderful... experiences. I wouldn't change a thing. BUT, now that I have kids of my own, I know why my parents were so freaked out.
post #5 of 14

What would you do?

Lentil, I am also a mother (read previous post). My children are 17 & 22. Isn't our goal to raise happy, independent children who can succeed on their own? My 22 year old is a musician... a much harder profession to succeed in the cheffing. He just made the decision to give up a sure thing, live in a different place (2000 miles from home) and pursue his music. Am I worried for him? SURE! Do I think he made the right decision for him? Absolutely! By leaving home at 17 and moving across the country by myself I set an attitude for life that I have always followed... I CAN make it on my own and depend on myself. New opportunities make for new adventures. I watch friends who are in the same place in their 50's as they were in their 20's. It may be a good place for them, but i think of how much I have seen and learned and grown...

I should also say that when I was 22I gave up the opportuity for a trip around the world and I gave it up for a sure thing job. I thought I could always take the trip later. I don't regret decisions i have made... I think we always make the best decisions we can given all factors at the time. But i am still waiting for that trip!

I believe this young person has an incredible opportunity to see where s/he can go with dreams now when all the adult responsibilities don't get in the way. I still support the move!

BTW, I should send this to my son who thinks have reservations about what he is doing!

post #6 of 14
move right now im 25 and in school, i was plaining on moving to vegas in a few years but now that im my girlfrend and we are plaining on getting married thats not going to happen, im happy that i at least live in a area that has some nice resturants, and im ok with with how my life is now. if your 19 and have nothing keeping you there then go and start working where you want to.

go well your young and you still can
good luck
post #7 of 14
pgr, I couldn't agree with you more. When I see people I went to school with and they're in the same town, sometimes married to the same HS basketball center they met when they were in 10th grade, but often on their 3rd marriage to another kid from high school, and still working in the bank I feel so lucky to have left when I did. My daughter (who went to college in Maine, BTW) came back to NH but only because she got a nursing job at one of the best hospitals in northern NE. I'd support her decision to move across the country in a minute.

My comments earlier weren't meant to discourage adamm , but to give a different perspective. I still think it's good for people to try to set up a support system before they strike out on their own, though. That's one thing my DD didn't do. She moved into an apartment by herself in a little town where she didn't know a soul. She does shift work so is in and out at odd hours and no one would know if she didn't come home ofr 3 days. That concerns me.

Damak, why not get married and take your wife on your career adventure? Will you resent not following your dream 10 years down the road when you're not satisfied in one of the local restaurants?

Who knew Cheftalk would end up sounding like Dear Abby?;)
post #8 of 14
I didn't begin to cut apron strings and "fly" on my own until I moved to Colorado. By then I was 25 years old. Even living in Austin (I had family from Houston to Dallas and parents in Amarillo) didn't help me gain independence.

One thing living in Colorado taught me was self-sufficiency and how to set up networks of friends as opposed to depending on family as a support system. I now know I can go and live anywhere, regardless. I came back to Houston when my dad was dying and am still as close as ever to family but I had the experience of independence and now have different boundaries, etc. It was a growing experience.

I also had jobs each time I moved so I knew what I was getting into prior to moving. I had an apartment before moving too. It was less scary that way.

Follow your heart and don't let fear get in the way. Just be smart about making moves. Don't make them Helter Skelter. Plan. Plan. Plan. Then execute your plan. You increase your chances of success exponentially that way. (Oh and be kind to your mom while you are spreading your wings. Don't alienate her, she's going through a rough time with your growing.)
post #9 of 14

What would you do?

I really understand that concern for your daughter. Lentil. I also agree that spouses can move together... all but 2 of my many moves have been with my husband of 30 years. He has always travelled for work, so I have frequently been on my own to find our housing, my work, make friends and settle in. We are actually considering another move in the near future, and i am excited to think of the possiblities.

Our 1st move together was for his work and took us away from the dream trip around the world.. I don't resent him, but it adds to my belief that ou should do what you dream when you are young and have less responsibility.

Lentil, where in NH are you? You can PM if you don't want to post.
post #10 of 14
pgr, check your pm's

That's funny because all of my moves occurred before I met my husband. I settled down then.
post #11 of 14


I would move but first make some inquiries. There are joba available where you may be able to get room and board along with the job. Good Luck P.J.
post #12 of 14
i would but she wants to stay near her family if we are going to start having kids soon, and I’m ok with that, my life has changed, and she is willing to move just not that far. I know that i will not question this in my future; i think that family is very important to my future wife and me. There are several large hotels i have looked into getting a job at but i just need a few years more experience which I can get here, also I’m a California boy.
post #13 of 14
Damack, it certainly sounds like you both have thought this over and made the decision that will work. Nothing is etched in stone and there's nothing that says that this topic can't be revisited at another time in your relationship. Best wishes and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
post #14 of 14
You never know what you're made of until you move.

Your family will always be there. You cannot lose your family no matter how far away you live.
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