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I'm not a chef, but I play one in the kitchen

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
The Goose is Poached by D. White Wein; Copyright 2007 by D.W. Wein, all rights reserved.

Scene 1: It's a large hard-tiled, beige, institutional room with squeaky, rusty, 1959 vintage folding chairs in a big semicircle. All but a few chairs are filled with uncomfortable people all in white (the chair is only part of the problem).

[It's very quiet. A tall, bearded male figure, also in white, but with a gold medallion suspended from a blue ribbon around his neck, strides into the room toward the open side of the semicircle. He speaks.]

Rick: Hi, I'm Rick!

The semicircular group (in unison): Hi, Rick!

[Allowing the excitement to abate, Rick speaks again.]

Rick: Is this anyone's first time? Please raise your right hand.

[Several people scattered about the semicircle raise their hands...some foundering, obviously having difficulty knowing their left from their right hands; some are dropping the large knives they are holding.

Rick points to the only person in the semicircle who got the correct hand the first time...and maintains a death grip on the knife.]

Rick: Sarah! Would you like to introduce yourself to the group?

Sarah: No.

[Fade to black.]

Scene 2: There's a rather portly goose, standing on a street corner outside the Cooking and Hospitality Institute of Chicago. It's a nice beautiful day. A madman with a Santoku is seen running from a large, two-storied brick building. He approaches the goose with deliberate and ever-accelerating speed...
post #2 of 7
And he trips, impalling himself on goose's outstretched beak, as it trumpets in indignation over being caught out on the street without its overcoat...

Hiya Rick! (or would that be Toddrah??)
I might be suffering from CDO.
It is just like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order.
Just as they should be...
Reply
I might be suffering from CDO.
It is just like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order.
Just as they should be...
Reply
post #3 of 7
Sarah, I have to say you mixed it up good!

Have fun exploring the forums and articles, and jump into the discussions too.

Welcome!
Mezzaluna
Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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Moderator Emerita, Welcome Forum
***It is better to ask forgiveness than beg permission.***
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post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 

My goose is cooked for sure...

DMT...you caught me in script revision! I confess! I read the thing over and didn't like the dramatic tension of "Todd". I turned Todd into "Rick" and I'm glad, but the specter of Todd has haunted me even today. I've buried my error by wiping out the last vestige of the ubiquitous Todd!

Todd haunts me no more. :eek:

He may live in your memory, but god knows, he'll never sully my mise en place, anon.
post #5 of 7
Just funnin' with ya Sarah, (enjoyed your twist on the Todd/Rick names, thinking it was intentional) and was playing along with your "story problem"...
(two shrimp were taking a trip. one left chicago on wednesday, the other left new york on thursday. each packed a suitcase full of cocktail sauce. which one winds up on the grill first?)
Welcome to ChefTalk, it get addicting!! :beer:
I might be suffering from CDO.
It is just like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order.
Just as they should be...
Reply
I might be suffering from CDO.
It is just like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order.
Just as they should be...
Reply
post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 

The Global Shrimp problem...

You posed a fascinating question, but I need more information:

1. Was 'cocktail sauce' actually a red sauce or was it a remoulade?
2. Was either shrimp wild or farm-raised? (The 'wild' shrimp are typically far more resourceful.)
3. Could either shrimp have been peeled? cleaned? deveined?
4. If any of line item 3 is 'yes', then was the tail shell 'on' or 'off'???

I can't claim credit for these penetrating questions. I assigned this problem to my crack staff of seafood investigators, my twin black cats, Maggi and Onii. FYI, they eliminated any possibility of the shrimp being Kosher because they found out that shrimp and prawns have shells and didn't meet the criteria that their rabbi gave them.

Sarah, stranded by the impending ice rain!:crazy:

P.S., They're both reading this as I type it...actually they aren't...one of them is trying to play with the 'Smilies' and the other is licking my goldfish avatar.
post #7 of 7
1) Plain old Heinz. Red. 6 oz. bottles...
2) Free range. Ghetto style. Complete with tats and bling. I guess that could be counted as "wild"...
3) Each of 'em peeled out when the heat showed up. "Clean"? Not hardly. Both had a rap sheet that would fill a collander. "Deveined"? Nah. Sorta lookied like it at first glance, but their veins had collapsed from repeated injections of steroids. Devoid would be more like it. Devoid of any remorse for their crustaceous behavior, or recognizable redeeming features. Truly some bad shrimp.
4) From what I hear, they lost the "tails" on their way to the station.

Good luck with the freezing rain. I remember the storm from 1965(?) which paralyzed a good portion of the north shore... Not pretty... Nor was the snow storm of January 1967.
I might be suffering from CDO.
It is just like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order.
Just as they should be...
Reply
I might be suffering from CDO.
It is just like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order.
Just as they should be...
Reply
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