another joke

A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in
rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell
into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As
the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer
drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was
doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it
fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve
it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you
are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial
attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get
that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't
know how we do things in Texas. We settle small
disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick
Rule".
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three
times and then you kick me three times, and so on,
back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed
contest and decided that he could easily take the old
codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor
and walked up to the city feller. His first kick
planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His
second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face.
The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's
third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed
to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot!
Now, it's my turn!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "No, I give up. You
can have the duck!"

nice. i'm gonna try that one.

lol especially the last one

Hahaha this is a pretty good one.

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

Be careful what you wish for

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.


The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'



'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich..



A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.



The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'



The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'



Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.



This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress..



'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.



'Same,' says the ostrich..



Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32..62.'



Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table....



The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'



'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'



That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'



'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'



The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

HAHA petals! That made my day!