There are three "right" ways to hold the steel.
The most common is "up and out." Hold the steel by the handle and point it straight up, or up and angled away from the bottom. The honing stroke starts near the tip of the steel and goes toward the handle.
The new, "safe" method, good for teaching beginners is to put the tip of the steel on a towel, laid on the cutting board, and hold the handle straight over the tip. The honing stroke starts near the handle and goes toward the tip.
A variant, is the "backhand." The steel his held handle-up, point down and away from the body. The honing stroke starts near the handle and goes toward the tip.
Most modern tutorials will give you the safe method. Personally I favor the old fashioned, up and out.
In any case you have to learn these things:
Stroke direction. The heel (or chin) of the blade is laid on the steel. As the edge moves down (or up) the steel it's pulled toward the tip.
Stroke length: Assuming the steel is as long, or slightly longer than your longest knife -- that knife should use more than half, but not more than two-thirds of the steel.
Stroke pressure: Light to moderate. The curve of the hone makes for a very small contact point with the edge. In other words, the geometry generates most of the pressure. As always -- let the tool do the work.
Stroke speed: Not super fast, not super slow.
NO CLANGING: The single most important thing to remember -- especially if you're going "up and out," or "backhand." You often see TV chefs, some of whom can really cook, even Gordon Ramsay (or, especially Gordon Ramsay), steeling very quickly. So quickly they start each stroke by banging the knife against the steel. That destroys the knife's heel, in the case of strong steels, it may even chip them. It also gets the knife bouncing off the steel, so the first part of the stroke won't get a constant or even pressure.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ: Listen to the music the knife plays on the steel. It should be a sussuration. No percussion, ever. No wire hangers either.
Never "sharpen" on a steel: At least not if there's any way around it. A rod-hone coarse enough to move a lot of steel off the knife's edge will leave a very jagged edge, with a lot of scratch on the bevel.
Use your steel to "refresh" the edge. When you notice a slight decrease in sharpness, try the steel. If it doesn't get you back to where you want it to be, time to sharpen. Note: Sharp enough for two onions is not actually sharp -- back to the stones.
Deburr on your steel: Yes. Once you've chased the burr (got it to flip from side to side easily) you can use the steel to deburr as effectively as just about anything else. Just steel in the regular way -- about eight strokes altogether (alternating four per side, one by one) should do it.
Don't oversteel: Five or six strokes per side, alternating sides is the max. If you haven't trued your knife yet, you're not going to.
Hope this helps,