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Kitchen Humor - Page 3

post #61 of 70
Mayo under the eyes and nose!! Hahaha that's really good!
Ice sculpture melting!
This is too good..
I work alone now, but when I worked at a local restaurant, we had a kitchen upstairs and a bakery/prep station downstairs, with all the food, refrigerators and freezer. So a lot of supplies were called down on the intercom, without a chance to question.
A cup of fennel seeds, split, on the rail. I'd watch preppers bumping into each other, grabbing paring knifes.
Clam/oyster glue.. Sent to store because we were always out. Make sure to get the "tasteless" not the "lobster fresh" glue.
A lot of the pranks were called down.. People afraid to go upstairs and say they couldn't find it. They would always come to me, shaking, holding their inventory list for upstairs. Filled with the weirdest stuff. Id snatch the list from them, saying I'd take care of it, while they whipped my cream by hand.
We had one guy running up and down the stairs for one thing at a time. One carrot, a quart of 1/2 and 1/2 ect. He got into a huge hurry that he was taking 2 to 3 stairs at a time. He slipped half way up and came tumbling back down. He jumped up, grabbed whatever he dropped an ran back up the stairs screaming "I'm good, it's cool". Determination.
post #62 of 70
I had a kid once running around asking for the bagel stretcher because the brunch customers did not like bagels with the holes closed up. The chef caught wind of that and yelled to the commis that the stretcher was in the storeroom next to the cans of steam.
Fluctuat nec mergitur
Fluctuat nec mergitur
post #63 of 70

I sent a dishwasher to the hardware store for a can of elbow grease, told him to ask for help if he could not find it. He came back empty handed, I asked if he asked for help, his reply was that the clerk went over to the isle where all the lubricants were and could not find it.


Left handed bacon stretcher was always a good one to have a new disher or busser look for.

post #64 of 70
I posted this on another similar thread but its worth repeating here.

I worked at a ski resort cafeteria style restaurant many years ago. One of my cooks found a new spray bottle and filled it with blue Gatorade. He started cleaning the counters with it in front of customers. Then he would spray it into his mouth And say "Hmmmm... It tastes like cleaner." The looks some of the customers would give him was priceless. We all had a good laugh at some of the people that really freaked out. Everybody took it quite well.

Then, a few days later the GM found the bottle and thought it was windex. He started cleaning a window with it and when it would smear he would look at the bottle with a confused look and then start spraying and wiping again. Then he would give the bottle another confused look. He repeated this about 8 times before he gave up. The entire kitchen was just in stitches the whole time.

Another place I worked, we had this "berry sauce" that looked like blood. I filled a latex glove with it, slipped my hand in and started running around the kitchen screaming. Everybody's face turned white.

A month or so after that, we all had a day where we were all playing simple pranks on each other. It all culminated with the sous chef sticking a pretty graphic note on my back. Which I didn't notice for quite some time. When I did notice, I told him I was going to get him back someday. Well, I sure did...

Me and the sous chef in the past had talked about ulcers. I used to have pretty bad ulcers that I treated and cured. He was having them pretty bad. I baited him by telling him "God, I think my ulcers are coming back. My stomach has been hurting really bad lately." About an hour later I went and filled my mouth with the aforementioned "berry sauce". I walked out of the walk in, found him and gave him my best acting of my life. I gave him a sickly look. I clutched my stomach and grabbed the wall like I was reeling in pain. I let loose my mouth full of "blood" all over the floor in front of him. His face drained of blood and jaw hit the floor. Now I know what someone's face looks like when they really think that I am seconds from death. Its a look of fear, terror and concern... times 10. He grabbed me and yelled "Vic! Vic! Sit down!" Then he grabbed the phone and I started busting out laughing. I said "I told you I would get you back, mf'er!" Then he gave me a good punch in my chest.

I know... that was really cold.
Edited by Vic Cardenas - 9/30/13 at 12:49pm
post #65 of 70

Man, I hope I never work for one of you guys because if anyone tried that shiznet on me, they'd be dialing 911 for salt!  Real quick!

post #66 of 70

Lets see.

We used to have a tradition of sending guys to the gas station on the corner to get a bucket of propane, because our grill was getting low.

We would hand the guy a bucket, and $10 and send him on his way. When he returned empty handed the $10 was his to keep, more as a welcome present.

I've sent guy's looking for the basement, in a building that didn't have a basement. Guy's watering the plastic cactus.

I think I did the best counter prank I've ever heard of.

I had been away for school, and returned to the restaurant I had worked at for years before. Before the supper staff came in, it was getting close to my time to leave, and the 3 guys in the kitchen had no idea I had worked at the place years before, and thought it would be funny to send me for the bucket of propane.

So I took the $10 and the bucket and walked my way to the gas station. But instead of stupidly asking them to fill it, I went to the water hose and filled the bucket about 1/4 full of water. Then went back to the kitchen.

"OK they managed to get some propane in the bucket for me, boy was it hard, I'll just throw it on the grill for you"

At which point I tipped the bucket, and poured some of the water onto the grill.

You've never seen 3 cooks hit the deck so fast.

post #67 of 70

If the dishwasher is some dumb kid or slack jaw, I'll mess with them just to see how far they can take stress. But on my worst days, hungover out of my mind and hating life. I would love to be them. Listening to my ear buds, just concerned with making sure silverware is washed and sorted and that the line is stocked. So I like to fuck with them from time to time if I know they're being assholes. I wouldn't wish your pepper prank on anyone. But new guys I will train/fuck with. "Hey asshole! Saute pickup!.. Stop listening to the servers! They are scum bags, you work for us! And for god sake, tell them if they don't scrape and stack their plates in the pit that you will kill them! I promise you that they are more scared of you than you are of them!" hahhaha

post #68 of 70
Originally Posted by TheEthical Chef View Post

Also another prank I like to pull is to take sour cream and smear it on the back of a handle to a reach in or a deli unit, I then watch my cook or sous open the reach in or deli unit ending up with the sour cream all over their hand I then ask them "playing with your meat again?" or something wise to that effect.

I once had a server who was always trying to upsell to get a bigger tip I took a quarter and threw it on the grill for about 10 minutes, then took a pair of tongs and threw it on the ground, the server walked into the kitchen a moment later at which time I pointed out the coin on the floor, it was really funny and very cruel watching them burn their finger picking up the coin.

I once got a server to eat a cod fish eye after making fumet telling them that I had gotten in beluga caviar for a special and I really wanted them to try it so they could sell it to the guests, it was funny but having to mop up his vomit and getting it from my boss later was not so fun.
posted from the ethical chef. Thats awesome. Really not talking smack. Thats awesome. I am a big fan of smell the vinegar reduction and tell me if it is ready. I have seen some other really mean stuff happen but not my circus not my monkeys.
post #69 of 70

shave an onion. 20 straws. high altitude ice. 4kg mez. confuse a cabbage. bucket of stream. 150 degree water. sodium reduced salt. free range cellery. left handed knife... too many dude...

post #70 of 70
Send people to the next door restaurant asking for caramel for my caramelized onions make me laugh every single time
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