FOOD TV hour showcases 'eating for the gold'
By JOHN DEMERS
Houston Chronicle
JUST when America -- and yes, even Houston -- is busy deciding to do something about our national obesity problem, we have to be treated to TV glorification of the International Federation of Competitive Eating.
Come on, you've heard of such things. Perhaps at fairs and festivals. The self-proclaimed IFOCE regulates (or at least attempts to make the most of) all those contests aimed at seeing who can down the most oysters, chicken-fried steak, pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers or ice cream -- in the least amount of time. It's not exactly the sport of kings, but it is hotly contested nonetheless.
"Commitment, confidence and capacity," answers the federation's George Shea when asked what it takes to become a competitive eater. It might be a tongue-in-cheek answer, except that for most on the competitive eating circuit, there's no more cheek room.
Each of those three qualifications will be personified Sunday evening in Don "Moses" Lerman, "Krazy" Kevin Lipsitz and Ed "Cookie" Jarvis, alimentary aspirants whose odyssey toward a July 4 Coney Island eat-off is the stuff of a bizarre new TV show called Gut Busters. The program will debut on the Discovery Channel.
Winging it
In the course of the show, the sheer lunacy of competitive eating becomes clear, from Philadelphia's Wing Bowl, which packs in 20,000 fans to watch Belly Donna, El Wingadore and others chomp down on Buffalo wings, to the Laredo jalapeño-eating contest, at which world champ Jed Donahue sets a world record by pushing down 152.
In New York, even the Russian émigré community of Brighton Beach is seen getting into the eating act. Local favorite Oleg Zhornitsky jumps to victory swallowing 200 palmeni dumplings in a mere 4 minutes, 19 seconds. In case you're counting (or happen to be unfamiliar with palmeni), that's 7 pounds of food.
The granddaddy of all IFOCE events, however, is that July 4 hot dog contest -- at Coney Island, where else? Sponsored by Nathan's Famous, naturally.
Last year's contest is spotlighted in Gut Busters, in particular the efforts of several all-American competitors to take back the "mustard-yellow" championship belt from a Japanese invader named Takeru Kobayashi. We watch, perhaps feeling ill, as Kobayashi puts away 50 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes, 30 seconds. It all sounds a bit like Iron Chef, except maybe a few links lower on the food chain.
"Takeru Kobayashi is not simply an athlete," waxes Shea. "He is a magician and a master. He has transformed a sport into poetry."
Like any poetry, competitive eating needs form as well as flow. There are actual techniques for eating certain types of foods in competition -- techniques to get the most food swallowed in the least time.
At the hot dog contest, one contestant is known as Crusher because he crushes the hot dogs and buns before eating them. Another promotes the separation of wiener from bun, allowing them to be devoured separately. And the current champ loves to snap hot dog and bun in half before eating them. This is called the Solomon method -- apparently a reference to the wise (though hopefully less than obese) king in the Bible.
Keeping track
One of the federation's more useful functions, if you concede that it has any, is keeping track of eating contests across America and delivering unto posterity the records of consumption in bulk. The next time you nibble on a few chicken wings, for instance, you might give a moment's thought to Bill "El Wingadore" Simmons. He ate 137 of the things in 30 minutes.
How about hamburgers? Like to enjoy one or two every now and again? Lerman put away no fewer than 11 quarter-pound Willy's Garage Cloud Burgers in 10 minutes. And Jell-O? In July 2000, Steven M. Lakind took in 121 ounces of the jiggly stuff in only 90 seconds. Bill Cosby must have been so proud.
Finally, there's one competitive eating event devoted to three-course meals. In the case of Peter Dowdeswell, in June 2001 that menu rang up as 1 pint of oxtail soup, 1 pound of mashed potatoes, 1/2 pound of sausage, 1/2 pound of baked beans -- and 40 prunes.
Honestly, I can't say that's a menu I would ever select. But I also can't say I'd ever consider eating all three courses in 45 seconds.
