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Fruitcake Recipe

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

Recipe for Fruitcake

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cup dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey

 

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.


Take a large bowl.

 

Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.
Repeat.

 

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
 

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.

 

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.

 

Turn off the mixer.

 

Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of
dried fruit. Mix on the turner.

 

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose
with a drewscriver.

 

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

 

Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares.


Check the whiskey.

 

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

 

Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can
find. Grease the oven.

 

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

 

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.


Throw the bowl out the window.

 

Check the whiskey again.


Go to bed.

 

Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway? 

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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post #2 of 3

This might be my favorite recipe that I've read in a long time. Very clever. 

"We make our food; thereafter, our food makes us." - Winston Churchill (with a slight modification)
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"We make our food; thereafter, our food makes us." - Winston Churchill (with a slight modification)
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post #3 of 3

I do!

And, judging by the requests from friends and family to make them one each year, so do at least 12 people I know!

 

Mind you, my recipe is MUCH better than that - AND I 'feed' the Christmas cakes and Christmas puddings with brandy once a week before Christmas, so they are extremely rich, even before I put on the marzipan and the icing.

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