I've read these posts with interest, I dont know where to start.
I once had a lady who said "Can I have the Plaice, but if it tastes like fish you can have it back"
Another complained the "Chilled Melon with 2 Sorbets" was too cold.
I generally deal with all the customer complaints myself, we have been running our restaurant for 17 years and are continually busy without advertising, our customers either come back time and time again or come on recommendation, we don't get many complaints but:
the "Alans Spicy, Mexican Style Chilli Con Carne with Jalopenos" is too hot, so I asked which bit she didn't understand.
We do Roast Topside of beef and cook it slightly pink in the middle, when you put it on a hot plate the red juices float on the top, sometimes it comes back with a request for a more cooked slice, so I dab it with kitchen roll, it goes out again and compliments follow!
We were asked once if our fresh Cod was local (we live 128 miles from any coast in the UK) Yes the Canal, I reply.
I'd like the Apple pie, but I don't want any fruit in it!
I took Irish Coffees off our Coffee menu because they are a pain in the A@** but still we get asked, a lady ordered one from me a few weeks ago and insisted NO SUGAR, we all know how hard that is, but I did a perfect, hot, Irish coffee with cream floating on the top, I presented it to her, all smiles, and she said "can I have a spoon" so I said "No madam, I've just spent the best part of ten minutes preparing a perfect Irish Coffee for you, even though they are not on our menu, I have floated the cream perfectly on the top, so if you think you are stirring it in, then you have another thing coming, enjoy your coffee"
A lady used to come in and ask for the minestroni soup, but could we sieve it as she only liked the juice!
2 people on one table ordered the Lamb Tagine, one lady said it was tasteless and horrible, I turned to the other lady and asked her how hers was, she said hers was delicious, strange as they were both cooked together in the same pan!
I find some customers are rude to staff, so with the tip off, I generally help the staff to serve their table, strange how they are never rude to me.
Sometimes you can`t win, I will always remember Keith Floyd one of the UK`s first celebrity chef, he had a letter of complaint from a customer, he wrote a reply which went something like: I am so sorry to hear you di not like your visit to Floyds Inn and Restaurant, as you can appreciate we are miles from anywhere and getting staff is quite a problem for us, sometimes my staff have to do double shifts and are irritable, tired and generally fed up of biting their tongue, sometimes some of our customers are rude, obnoxious, curt, and over demanding. How sorry I am to hear you both coincided upon the same evening.