She's At It Again and I am wondering...(long, sorry)

You seem to have a higher than normal incidence of personnel problems. Or at least by what I read here.

Are they as serious as it seems or do you post as more of a therapeutic vent of minor things for you?

Because if they are serious, I'm wondering how much of it could be you and you not realize it.

I know, that's a touchy statement and I hesitated to post it. But it's hard to judge realistically when we get just the one side of the story.

I had a coworker with whom there was a real communication barrier. We both knew about it and we had to hash things out in crazy detail and go over it again and again to be sure we understood each other. People thought we didn't get along but it was just what it took to work together.

Phil

Y'know Leeniek, you've got almost as many posts as I do, and I've been posting on this site for at least 4 years now.

When I read through your post, and remember other dertials you'e provided us at your workplace, I start to see things in a certain way.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but............

-"Stupidvisor" has been at workplace longer than you.

-Stupidvisor had, at one time, the owner in the palm of her hand, as well as the kitchen kissing her arse.

-Seems to me you've made great inroads in cleaning house in regards to kitchen staff, and keeping the kitchen from falling apart.

Now, I'm not a Romeo and don't know women like a Romeo, and have only one teenage daughter, but it seems like "Stupidvisor" is jealous either of you personally, or what you've achieved.

Guys, on the other hand, get violent, get over it, and get back to work.  Women are very dangerous, and I can tell you of several teenage suicides here in B.C. of young girls, harrassed by other girls whose main weapons are facebook, gossip, and manipulation of friends.  

When I was working for other people and was "parachuted" into new places, typical treatment for me, the new guy, was to withold any information possible, gossip/bear false witness, and generally backstab until either I or they left.  I've got about a 50/50 record....

Ream out or embarrass the stupidvisor infront of the owner, and as sure as god made little green apples, some form of retribution will ensue.  Leave some form of exit or face saving option available for the Stupidvisor, and your odds of retribution are greatly reduced.

Consider yourself lucky, 'cause if you ever made it into management in a large Union Kitchen, you'd either be dead, sleeping with a bottle, or in a rubber room......

In the jist of all that has been said, and as replied by our esteemed peers - Watch your rear and think twice about not what you say - but how you say it.

Start hurling grenades at the queen of the pass and you'll get sacked before the next work schedule is written.

My advice is this:

Get everyone into a room on their schedule, not yours. Sell the priority of making the meeting sooner than later.

Take a deep breath and take your heart/frustration out of the room.

Ask her and the KM what your area of responsibility is, and what they would rather do themselves. The Owner will see this, trust me...

For the schedule, back office stuff and other management activities - Ask the kitchen manager what part of your current workload he'd rather someone else do. Then bring up the schedule (your big issue right now)...

"It has been busy and I understand why you guys worked the schedule. I had already completed a plan for review, but you guys had already addressed it. I'd like to know if you two are going to keep doing the schedule, because i can better plan my workload in the kitchen knowing you guys have this taken care of."

Then the cards are down on the table. If they take it, fine. If they throw it back at you that's what you want...

"OK, I do the schedule. If you have any changes please let me know as soon as you have them so I can notify staff and make adjustments in a reasonable time."

Any time you can explain something in a rational tone, and hold your ground at the same time  - you win.

DON'T lock horns with someone who has a cuter ass than you do. You will lose every time.

Such drama............

I have to agree with Phatch. With all the postings on this site YOU seem to have the most problems. Why dont you either go with the flow or Quit. Certainly with what you heve encountered and learned in this place can be put to a more  positive use in another facility.. If I had to put up with all you say you do, I would have been on borderline of ulcers. But I would not have let it get this far I would have split. Perhaps you should stop worrying what the other person does and look at your actions toward ALL of them. Tell you something if you or any of your cohorts created all this DRAMA in my kitchen ,ALL  of you  would be HISTORY..

  As far as your comments re. the guy who cut himself, it's really none of your business.l Concern yourself with yourself and your job.not others

Like that great philosopher "Rodney King" once said:

People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along? Can we stop making it, making it horrible for the older people and the kids?...It’s just not right. It’s not right. It’s not, it’s not going to change anything. We’ll, we’ll get our justice....They won the battle, but they haven't won the war....Please, we can get along here. We all can get along. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s try to work it out. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to work it out.^[25] 

This is what I tell my employees, If you can't get a long with another employee, I really don't give a ****. I hired you to do a job, I pay you to do that job, figure it out..............I also tell them they have to manage themselves and their emotions, they are paid to get the job done and get along. I don't give a **** if they don't like each other, but while they are working in my restaurant and serving my customers, they better do it in a professional manner..................................ChefBillyB

Scope of Work, Area of Responsibility and Personal Accountability - Probably the best thing the owner can do with this situation is draw little boxes around everyone, so everyone has a clear picture of what they need to do and what they don't have authority to do or worry about.

When you go home at the end of the day, and something is on your mind from work that is really eating at you . . . . Do you think the person you're upset with has you on their mind when they get home?

Don't let people live inside your head unless they are paying rent.

Though you may be able to guide someone towards a goal you believe important, you cannot change someone else's behavior.

Though someone else may guide you toward a goal they believe important, they cannot change your behavior.

Only YOU can change YOUR behavior, just as THEY can change only THEIR behavior.

Sometimes, if YOU change the way you try to guide someone else THEY will respond by changing THEIR behavior to accomplish YOUR goal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeteMcCracken 

Though you may be able to guide someone towards a goal you believe important, you cannot change someone else's behavior.

 

Though someone else may guide you toward a goal they believe important, they cannot change your behavior.

 

Only YOU can change YOUR behavior, just as THEY can change only THEIR behavior.

 

Sometimes, if YOU change the way you try to guide someone else THEY will respond by changing THEIR behavior to accomplish YOUR goal.

Damn, chef, that's profound. : )
 

Leeniek!

I learned something a long time ago re. "If I leave statement"  The dishwashers did not show up, we were short 3 guys in kitchen, 4 waitstaff didn't show, The chef had a stroke behind the stove.and the sous was away on vacation. BUT Somehow it all got done.  Maybe not quit as good, but it got done so never think you or the km are not replacable.!  And the job getting done makes Ms. Sunshine look better.

"For crying out loud I am a chef she is a blasted sever/host/pass person ...  "

That's your problem right there. Lose the attitude. If you think it, if you can write it, then she can feel it. Do you have to like her? No. Do you have to be friends with her? No. But you do have to lose the superiority complex. For every legit complaint you have about her, she has one about you.

You say that she needs to see how busy you are? Ok, fine... how does that translate to the guest? Simple... the guest doesn't care. The guest doesn't care if you're in the weeds, if you're shortstaffed, etc. She has to deal with them, and you. And YOU are a major source of stress in HER day, just as she is in yours.

Go to work, bust your ass, answer the questions that are put to you by your manager's as best you can, and work with your FOH manager to ensure your guests get the best service possible. That's your job. If all of a sudden, Perrier is off the menu for staff (as it should be... seriously?)... suck it up. Nod and get back to work.

You have a KM, let him live and die by his choices. You are not the KM.

Bottom line, you can take this as you please, I offer it as an opinion formed after many years in the business...You need to get out. You hate your job. Quit. Find another.

ok leeniak,

just one more chime...a friend once told me that 'the graveyards are full of indispensable people'. if this job is making you physically ill or a mentally psychotic or so angry all the time, its time...actually past time, to move on. are you sure you cannot work this out? it will take some work on both parts, but think about what a great force you could be if you were both working together... all that negativity turned into positive, constructive energy...holy cow! there are so many things that can go wrong at any given moment or any given day in the restaurant business..wouldn't it be nice to know that someone good, strong and positive has your back? make her your ally, not your adversary.....that buys nothing...do your job, make a difference...you'll always shine...this shouldn't/can't be a contest. she will rise or fall on her own merits, trust me. maybe you could sit down with a bottle of wine or two and talk, talk, talk....communication always being the common denominator...you both have much to say and work out....

given the economic climate and good jobs(especially restaurant jobs) being so hard to find, do you really, can you really afford to leave? don't you have children to raise? you really need to either work this out, move on, or at the very least, take some time off...distance has a great way of putting the things that really matter into perspective....also,if you leave, then you will carry that anger with you into your new job, and lay blame that she made you leave...then, in your mind, she will have 'won'...think just how much your whole life and the life of your family will change because you cannot get past this, work this through...you are more than this, better than this..expect more from yourself...maybe think of this as your greatest challenge!.....bon chance, mon ami...

joey

Hi Leeniek, your getting a lot of good advice from people who go through the same thing you do everyday. I have had many battles in the Kitchen,Bar, Dinning room, basically every dam part of this business. I have never won any of these battles by yelling louder than the other person, and I can yell real loud. I have won the battles with these people by being smarter than they are, In most cases they will hang themselves. If I let them know they are getting to me, they win. If I show anger and frustration, they win. This person is probably getting a lot of enjoyment at your expense. When you go back to work this week, concentrate on the positive things going on in the kitchen. If the KM is an alley then use him/her as your sounding board and deal with them. Start working well with the FOH Manager for the betterment of the restaurant, a quality manager see the whole picture and not just a small portion of what is really going on. I know you as a Woman with very high standards, determination to get the job done and go above and beyond what people expect of you. Starting tomorrow, realize that by not getting along with the FOH Manager, your hurting your goals and the goals of the restaurant. Be the bigger person, be the best leader you can be, and I guarantee you will be the winner in the long run.......................I have done well in this business because of the lessons learned, not becauce of the battles I have one. The true character of a good manager shows on how they carry themselves daily, they are not judged on how many battles they win, but how they conductued themselves in the process..................Follow your heart..................................The Best..................Bill

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChefBillyB 

 I have never won any of these battles by yelling louder than the other person, and I can yell real loud. I have won the battles with these people by being smarter than they are, In most cases they will hang themselves. If I let them know they are getting to me, they win. If I show anger and frustration, they win. This person is probably getting a lot of enjoyment at your expense. The Best..................Bill

You're getting more advice here than a pregneant nun here.

Take Bill's statement for instance and now think back to primary school.  Remember the "sub" teachers"?  Remember how innocent young 9 yr olds could drive a sub to tears?

You pick away at Stupidviser and she picks away at whatever she can find on you, in this case it's Perrier.  Maybe next time she'll find out you brush your teeth with Colgate instead of Crest, and use that on you.

I once worked with a human snake, the ass. F&B of a large (7,000 member) Club.  Every question he asked was land mine, every time he opened his mouth it was pure danger.  After a week I quickly learned to answer his opening qustion of "How are things?" with a very neutral "Never a dull moment".  Everything I did was wrong, every molecule of air I breathed was wasted, etc. etc.  One day my luck changed and by pure chance I caught two waiters cheating on guest tickets and pocketing money.  I thought very carefully, and came to the conclusion that as he was my next in chain-of-command I would report it directly to him.  He was furious at me, I mean his face turned the colour of a rotten strawberry.  With great effort I told him in as neutral a tone of voice I could muster that he was indeed the next in chain, and although I could go directly over his head to the F&B himself or the the GM I chose him first. His mess, not mine, and I would follow it up with a inter office memo to him only, with one copy mailed back to myself which I would keep unopened until such a time as I would ever have to open it infront of the GM.

I got peace out of him but quit as soon as I could, becasue I knew his nature would be to set me up as soon as he could

I dring ice water from a deli quart, covered with a lid and hid on the back line. Sometines we get a free bottle of beer after the kitchen is closed, cleaned and everything is put away for the day. I don't think I have ever got an expresso, bottled water, beer or anything without it being offered to me without asking for it to begin with. In all the guilt I carry with me - I think I have a couple dish rags in my truck, maybe a deli cup or two that had water in it, and possibly a random spoon came home in my bain . Other than that, I will Bit*h at a chef when I see waste, and they usually just laugh and say "My house, don't worry about it." But there is no doubt, for anyone I have ever worked for in my life, that I am as focused on their business as they are. If a chef told me to bring my own damn water to save money I would. I'm there to make the business make money and put happy faces on customers - so the business can make money and have more happy-face customers. It's a simple model. Anything that doesn't have to do with happy-face customers or eliminating waste is really outside of my tunnel vision.

Sometimes it's just easier to have tunnel vision.

Leeniek,

Yep, lots of advice!  If you can stand just one more.......

I've had jobs like yours (not exactly, but jobs that were awful) and I always ended up quitting because after awhile, I drove myself nuts.  Once I threw a loaded tray at the chef.  Not recommended.  Didn't get a reference from that place.

I have a sister that used to (and sometimes still does) drive me to distraction.  My father was dying and all she and I could do was fight!  It was horrible for everyone.  I found  a book called "The Dance of Anger", and it changed my life during that period.  If I could use the techniques I learned from that book every day, life would be so smooth.  Anyway, he says to change your reaction  because that's all you have control of.  If you change your "dance" you throw a wrench into the works when they expect a certain reaction from you.  In my case, when my sister would start by saying, "you always....", instead of reacting to her comment (usually with a raised voice and foul language, I would say, "I'm sorry you see it that way."  and she wouldn't know how to react.   I'm not sure how it would work in your case, but I'm sure you can think of a reaction to the FOH person that would break the circle of nastiness.   It really works. The key is not to be sucked into the old dance steps, but to lead them in another direction. My sister and I aren't best friends, but we don't hate eachother anymore.

Someone above mentioned that women handle things differently than men, and I agree with that in theory although not all of us want to drive other women off the deep end ;-)  Women tend to talk things out with others.  Sometimes it seems like whining, *itching, or gossiping, but I think it's just a different process to resolve things.  My husband will have a lousy day at work and comes home, pours a drink, and sits on the porch saying nothing.  He may still be thinking about it days later.  I come in the door after a bad day ranting and a short time later, I've forgotten how agitated I was and am ready to move on. 

I know in my case, I often have a hard time when I know I'm in the right and get frustrated when others don't see it that way.  I get the impression that Leenniek shares that frustration.

How is drinking Perriers an issue when she is paying for them?  If I had Perrier water at work I would buy it. I drink three or four bottle waters per shift.  Come to think about it how do you guys out there handle food and drink while you are on shift.  I get about a dollar an hour to spend.($8 for regular day)  If I buy something retail, I get 25% off.  If I buy something from BOH I pay our costs plus 10%.  Just wondering.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chutney 

How is drinking Perriers an issue when she is paying for them?  

Oh, that one's easy.  Leeniek lodged a complaint against the other one, so the first line of attack is to lodge a complaint right back.

Good luck leeniek!

its most probably a good thing that you are a retired chef!..wherever your post went

joey

best of luck leeniek!

I think the timing is good to make a move...............Best of luck, kick some butt, your in a rut.....................CBB