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Now fast is too fast?

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 

So things have come along well enough.  Light recap; I quit my kitchen job after being shafted for almost 7 years to work with my uncles as I will be going through a major life style change during the next few years.  One such change is martial status, I was introduced to someone who lives out of town...out of the country actually over 2 months ago and we chat a lot through MSN webcam during that time. 

 

Well shes here now visiting me, she has an open air ticket and her visa is good for 6 months.  She also have family in Winnipeg which she intends to visit but for now, shes staying here as I'm the only person she knows here.  Shes only been around for 3 days but we've gotten "close" in that time...haven't crossed the forbidden line yet but things have sped up a bit today. 

 

Now I will be the first admit, relationships are completely new to me and what little experience I have hasn't been very flattering ones.  On top of that, others plus myself have that underlying concern of less then honorable motives.  Best example of this is being lived out right now by another family member but the signs are more obvious (the guy is almost 2x my age and the girl as the same age as me).  How she managed this, she is very manipulative and hes very naive.  I think myself a bit naive as well but the general opinion by others of her is good.  Same people though are concerned about the speed of how things are progressing because of the leading force behind it is her mother wanting to marry her daughter off during a good signed year (if that don't hint away where shes from). 

 

So the question as it stands; how fast is too fast?  2 months of chatting via webcam and 3 days in person and we're fairly close (if you consider making out as close). 

 

EDIT: I noticed I fudged up the title...meant "Now what is fast is too fast?"


Edited by Headless Chicken - 9/26/11 at 7:46pm
post #2 of 7

There are a number of factors here

 

The culture that the woman comes from and how 'traditional' that culture might be.

Is there a language barrier?

Two months plus a 3 day visit?  Hmmmmmm.  Would you seriously consider a permanent relationship with someone you had met in 'real' life after a 3 day face-to-face relationship?

 

If you did make the relationship permanent:

 

Would she be able to find work - and more importantly, would her visa allow her to do so?

Does she have a reasonable command of the language?

Would her skills set make her employable in a time of global recession?

 

Whilst I know of three, very happy, successful relationships which started via the internet - I also know of many that haven't worked out in 'real' life.  However, the only person who can answer your questions is YOU! 

post #3 of 7

I met my wife via the web., but then again I was a lot older then you.. DO NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING you have plenty of time and believe me as you grow older you grow wiser and smarter. Its pretty easy to say I Do  but very hard and expensive  to say I Don;t.  When I was younger I made an error in judgement and it wound up in divorce. I was to yong and stupid to know what signs to look out for. Plus being in restaurant business did not help, as it is very consuming.

Chef EdB
Over 50 years in food service business 35 as Ex Chef. Specializing in Volume upscale Catering both on and off premise .(former Exec. Chef in the largest on premise caterer in US  with 17 Million Dollars per year annual volume). 
      Well versed in all facets of Continental Cuisine...

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Chef EdB
Over 50 years in food service business 35 as Ex Chef. Specializing in Volume upscale Catering both on and off premise .(former Exec. Chef in the largest on premise caterer in US  with 17 Million Dollars per year annual volume). 
      Well versed in all facets of Continental Cuisine...

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post #4 of 7

The only advise I can give is take your time there is no need to be in a hurry ( despite what your girlfriends mother wishes/thinks), My wife is from another country as well and to be honest my wife and I met and was married within 6 months (less than that actually) and that was 15 years ago ... but we were also separated about a year and a half just months after we were married due to her being home sick, mother getting hurt and dealing with INS which can be a nightmare. And being married makes no difference with INS, you still have to go through the paperwork and that takes time (the year and a half that we were separated was mainly due to INS paperwork)

 

The main thing is to take your time and get to know each other, you guys if your anything like my wife and I have a huge difference in your cultural back ground so learn about her culture and get her to learn about yours and get to know each others family (VERY IMPORTANT) and what her plans for the future are.

 

Good luck in your future and keep us posted.

post #5 of 7

Sorry, Headless.  Anything to do with cooking, I'm all over it.  Personal relationships--for me, anyways--are personal.

 

O.T.O.H. I can offer some advice about visiting her family in Winnipeg.  Look, they don't call it "Winter-pig" for nothing.  If you're going to vist, make sure it's before the end of October, no later than that.

 

Yeah, yeah, it gets cold in Tororonto, and it snows a lot, and I know you know how to drive in winter conditions.  Winterpig is COLD, like minus 30 C cold in the winter.  But I wouldn't know, I've neve been there.  Then again, I spent 16 winters in Saskatoon......

...."This whole reality thing is really not what I expected it would be"......
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...."This whole reality thing is really not what I expected it would be"......
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post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by foodpump View Post
Yeah, yeah, it gets cold in Tororonto, and it snows a lot, and I know you know how to drive in winter conditions.  Winterpig is COLD, like minus 30 C cold in the winter.  But I wouldn't know, I've neve been there.  Then again, I spent 16 winters in Saskatoon......


Oh that we know and have explained, even this girl has heard stories from her aunt.  We've gotten to know each other fairly well in the couple of months of webcaming, we chatted pretty much every night since being introduced.  We've talked a lot since meeting in person also.

 

Again though, I have never ever been anything near close so I'm completely inexperienced, let alone when someone tongues me on our first kiss so I really can't say whether we're moving along fast or at a fine pace.

post #7 of 7
Mary Astor (the femme fatale from the Maltese Falcon) said, Once you start asking questions, innocence is gone. She was right too.

Sexual mores aren't absolute, they're products of culture. For the last fifty years or so, it can't be said that North American adults touching tongues on the first kiss is rushing -- if desire is there. It's an expression of frank sexuality, which -- if you're also attracted -- should come as a pleasant surprise. Frank is so much better than coy. Your friend sounds bold and delightful.

Relax, enjoy, follow her lead, trust her timing, blow in her ear, and make out like a bandit. I promise you, you won't get pregnant. If you're worried about guarding her feelings, show her a little more trust and respect. It's pretty clear she knows her own mind. For your part, butch up and quit being such a fleur. Don't feel shame. Don't feel obligation. Those aren't her terms, so don't add them.

Take off your shoes, drink champagne you can barely afford, draw the shades, turn out the lights, light candles. Slow dance in your living room while your shadows dance with you. Get drunk on the smell of her hair. Cook her favorite foods. Paint her toenails. Go shopping, buy her earrings (but not a ring), and be happy.

Don't worry so much about falling in love "too soon," you're a western adult, not a child-virgin in a remote Asian village. The experience of falling in love is a necessary and important part of growing up. The miserable heartache of falling out of love is too. Anyway, there's no such thing as the right time, only the right person.

Quit being a schmuck. You'll learn too soon that you regret the things you haven't done far more than the things you have. You only get one shot at youth, bub. Grab it with both hands.

BDL
Edited by boar_d_laze - 9/28/11 at 2:34pm
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