I've been very confused with my life since day 1. In high school, I tried to cheat the system by taking my remaining credits through a co-op as a cook. It worked well and I even got paid! I stayed at that job for almost two years. It was a bistro and a buffet, I spent half of my time working on both sides. I have worked at a franchise restaurant, washing dishes and microwaving food. Last year I even went to a Culinary school for a year. I only made it past the first semester failing both my theory classes. I didn't go into the program humble, I thought I was already a rock star. I did well on all application classes. But in the end of the semester I decided against it. I moved and found myself in a position where I couldn't put the offer down. It was an apprenticeship at a University. In the year that had passed, I had regretted my foolish decision to drop out not only because it left me with debt, but i feel that was my chance to go somewhere (my grades are so horrendous I have to retake all the primary classes just to get into another college or university). I gladly accept the offer, but the way the department is run, I wouldn't even be taught by a chef, I would have very little exposure a chef leaving my screwed later when I attempt the Red Seal, I took this as an insult and decided it wasn't for me.
I found another job as a prep cook, but the chef had me doing dishes and peeling potatoes. My mom had asked me how I was progressing with my new life and as I told her that her 22 year old son is now unhappily a dishwasher I thought about my life. How is it possible that I was so much further 3 years ago? I quit that job the next day, in the middle of the shift. Now jobless, I am constantly stressing over how I should abuse my 24 hours a day. I'm extremely obsessive in nature, and when I have a goal I will fixate on it till I disgust myself and my ambitions will look for another distraction, another goal that I can't achieve.
Another reason I quit school was because I was unhappy with the amount of money I would be making after I graduated. It seemed like I was letting myself down when I compared myself to my soon-to-be accountant brother. in retrospect, I would do anything to go back to when I just graduated high school and complete a culinary degree. Working in a kitchen along with that team, the heat and the feeling I felt at the end of every shift leaves a memory I dwell on. But as a 22 year old with an early onset of arthritis I have found myself cursed and cursed again. I need honest opinions from other people whose perspective isn't clouded like mine. Have I screwed myself or can I still stumble upon the mountain of success that eludes almost everyone?