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Too confused.

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 









     I've been very confused with my life since day 1.  In high school, I tried to cheat the system by taking my remaining credits through a co-op as a cook.  It worked well and I even got paid!  I stayed at that job for almost two years.  It was a bistro and a buffet, I spent half of my time working on both sides.  I have worked at a franchise restaurant, washing dishes and microwaving food.  Last year I even went to a Culinary school for a year.  I only made it past the first semester failing both my theory classes.  I didn't go into the program humble, I thought I was already a rock star.  I did well on all application classes.  But in the end of the semester I decided against it.  I moved and found myself in a position where I couldn't put the offer down.   It was an apprenticeship at a University.   In the year that had passed, I had regretted my foolish decision to drop out not only because it left me with debt, but i feel that was my chance to go somewhere (my grades are so horrendous I have to retake all the primary classes just to get into another college or university).  I gladly accept the offer, but the way the department is run, I wouldn't even be taught by a chef, I would have very little exposure a chef leaving my screwed later when I attempt the Red Seal, I took this as an insult and decided it wasn't for me. 


I found another job as a prep cook, but the chef had me doing dishes and peeling potatoes.  My mom had asked me how I was progressing with my new life and as I told her that her 22 year old son is now unhappily a dishwasher I thought about my life.  How is it possible that I was so much further 3 years ago?  I quit that job the next day, in the middle of the shift.  Now jobless, I am constantly stressing over how I should abuse my 24 hours a day.  I'm extremely obsessive in nature, and when I have a goal I will fixate on it till I disgust myself and my ambitions will look for another distraction, another goal that I can't achieve.



Another reason I quit school was because I was unhappy with the amount of money I would be making after I graduated.  It seemed like I was letting myself down when I compared myself to my soon-to-be accountant brother.  in retrospect, I would do anything to go back to when I just graduated high school and complete a culinary degree.  Working in a kitchen along with that team, the heat and the feeling I felt at the end of every shift leaves a memory I dwell on.  But as a 22 year old with an early onset of arthritis I have found myself cursed and cursed again.  I need honest opinions from other people whose perspective isn't clouded like mine.  Have I screwed myself or can I still stumble upon the mountain of success that eludes almost everyone?





post #2 of 3

Tyler, you are young and have your whole life in front of you. Remember we are the path that we walk and there is no one that can change that. Be strong my friend and remember God smiles on the charming man. I am not religious but I am a charming man and I have made it my lifes work thus far to make other people realise that we make our own luck and also as a butcher that you should not frown upon people who like overcooked steak. I hope this helps.


post #3 of 3

Every artist has their blue period, but your struggles will produce inspiration and beauty in your work. One of my favorite things I love to learn about is wine. It's such a beautiful and complex drink stemming from grapes and French wine is considered the king. But, the French plant their grapes in very poor, bad, and sandy soil that is barely fit to garden anything else. That poor soil causes the grapes to struggle and to work hard in the face of the beating sun and such their fruit is beautiful and sweet.


This will be your life... You will struggle and have blue times, but your sorrows will push you and cause you to grow more. The fruits of your labor will be sweet.

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