Eating in private vs. public - Page 2

Quote:

Originally Posted by petalsandcoco 

I have no problem eating spaghetti , taco's in public nor pizza.

 

Oh KK, never be shy with your spuds.....wherever you are, load em' up, dress them up....one thing about the humble potato, it loves to be jazzed up  with all kinds of good stuff.

 

And what about those finger licking ribs ?

 

 

 

Petals.

 

ps. if your in a rib joint or any other place mentioned above, we are expected to eat that type of food in whichever manner it needs to be eaten.

      Lobster cracked open in a restaurant ? Pass my bib and garlic butter for dipping please.....

  Very eloquently said, Petals.

Our house was kinda' like Joey's, not rich at all.  My Mom found ways to make a meal out of very little of inexpensive ingredients.  I never realized until I was older and had to provide for myself, that what she was doing by making my sister and I clean our plates was that food was not to be wasted, it cost her too much from what like money they had.

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten mad at my kid for not eating his bread crust.  What bothers me is not that he doesn't finish his food, what bothers me is he's feels he doesn't have to eat certain things on his plate.  Like he'll eat the the fat capped section of a top sirloin but not the other part.  It's still good kid.  Eat it.  There are hungry kids in Africa.

And the bread crust thing I just don't get.

kuan....there are probably as many kids in America that are hungry.

No, not bulging belly ,all bones on display starving, but have not eaten all day and it's bedtime and tomorrow will be the same hungry.

One of my grands broke my heart when he came to me and said that there was a boy in his class that got a free breakfast and lunch at school, everyday.

He was worried that summer was coming and with the end of school year looming that this kid would have no food to eat.

Could I help him to help this kid.

My heart almost burst with pride (in my grand) and sorrow (for this kid).

You bet (my reply, had no idea HOW, but would find a way).

Called around and found a sort of meals on wheels for kids in this position.

With his dad's permission (no mom, didn't ask) got the kid and his siblings signed up.

Sorry guys, OT.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kuan 

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten mad at my kid for not eating his bread crust.  

 

And the bread crust thing I just don't get.

kuan,

perhaps you are a generation removed but i remember as a kid pulling out the middle of white wonder sandwich bread, balling it up as tight as possible and swallowing it....we all did it as a contest. whoever could make the biggest tightest ball of bread dough and actaully swallow it  won...god, why we all didn't die is a miracle!  maybe a bit of an extreme to go to not have to eat your crust, but go figure kids...would have never worked with any of the artisanal breads of today..only soft squishy wonder bread.....bottom line....kids don't like crusts. must be a textural thing

joey

grilled cheese sandwiches might be the exception though

I was probably reading into your mother and all, sorry, kk.  And for sure people give reasons for what they do, but those may just be rationalizations - we do what we do and often are not aware of why.  I can say that i always tended to leave something behind on the dish, the very last bit of bread, a couple of peas, this morning i noted that while my husband sopped up every last trace of blueberry sauce with his pancakes, while i left a blueberry on the dish.  He often takes his bread to my dish to do the "scarpetta" (literally, little shoe - it means taking the bread and picking up bits of sauce with it).  I don;t know why i do it, and did it since i was little.  Maybe my own reaction to my mother's clean plate policy that led me to not be able to tell when i'm full or not.  But definitely it was neither for shame nor for politeness, i didn;t even notice till years later someone commented on it. 

Anyway, it leads into another whole question about different cultural habits, like burping or not burping to show appreciation of the food, and all the rest.  Interesting how customs like this begin. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by siduri 

... 

Anyway, it leads into another whole question about different cultural habits, like burping or not burping to show appreciation of the food, and all the rest.  Interesting how customs like this begin. 

... not using your hands/fingers to eat or push food on to your utensil...

not picking up the bone-in chicken but cutting the flesh from the bone..

to slurp or not to slurp... at your table that's BIG... my gumba-American-Italian-big bear-of a darling-dear-husband insists that spaghetti is not to be slurped up, but having been brought up in an Asian influenced culture it's polite and almost expected to slurp your noodles...

Interesting about the spaghetti, Kaneohegirl.  I hadn't thought of that

My mother had an old emily post etiquette book.  It was fascinating, because it described a way of life I didn't know - i read it in the 50s and 60s as a sort of anthropological study (so to speak, i was a kid) and remember many of the things.  It described a world where there were ladies' maids who prepared your clothes and people dressed for dinner.  I imagined a very formal world. 

But what was surprising was this

Any food that can be easily and not messily picked up in one hand is ok to eat in the hand, except in a formal dinner, where, actually this sort of food would not be served.  So a chicken leg or an asparagus stalk would be eaten with the hand.  And you would debone the chicken or serve only the asparagus tops at a formal dinner. 

And if you're drinking with a straw, you are allowed one slurp!

The other thing was that all the rules for public behavior are intended to not make people feel bad.  Like the "turning of the table" - when you're at a formal dinner party, and the hostess has seated you in specific seats, you speak first to the person on one side - untill halfway through the dinner, the hostess "turns the table" - starts talking to the person on the other side, and everyone follows suit.  You therefore neither embarrass the hostess that she put you with someone you hate, and you don;t make the person next to you feel bad because you're ignoring him all night.  She describes one meal where the woman said "i don;t like you at all, but since our hostess put us together, i won;t embarass her - i'll talk to you, but i will just recite the multiplication tables! 

A bit excessive, but it has its reasons.  How many times have you ended up at a table where neither the one on your left nor the one on your right would say a word to you, engaged as they were in other conversations? 

Quote:

Originally Posted by siduri 

 

Leaving something on your plate is considered polite (not ladylike specifically, but polite, for men and women) because it means your host/hostess provided enough food and you aren't going hungry from their table.  In italy they even had a name for the bit of food you leave, the "creanza" - not sure of it's origin or literal meaning if any. 

At the same time the host/hostess is supposed to insist you eat more and offer you more helpings (i get this all the time - i eat a lot but i eat fast, so often people don;t realize i already ate a ton of food and insist i hadn't eaten anything). 

 

Another rule in italy, is that meat and other expensive courses must be eaten with bread (they are "companatico" - bread accompainers.  You eat them with bread so you don't fill up on the expensive stuff. 

 

I find it interesting to compare the cultures I guess, my family is from Texas (East Texas to be precise which is a little more country than where I actually live) and growing up I was always under the impressIion that dishes were served with bread of some form (rolls, tortillas, or sliced) for the purpose of cleaning the plate after words and eating every last bit, that's the way my dad and every male figure in my life has done it, and that's the way I do it. I think you mentioned your husband does this as well.

And as far as eating everything on the plate here that's a bit more of a compliment, you finish the plate wipe it down with the bread and when the waiter comes back and asks how your meal was you flash a friendly smile and say "you know I'm not sure I enjoyed it all that much." and then chuckle a little. It seems to me a compliment here is having the plate finished and cleaned, that it was so good that they wanted to get every last drop. When I cook for people and I see the plate cleared it makes me happy on the inside, (of course I also offer a large second helping)

Granted I realize that this isn't always the way in other cultures/areas so I try to be wary of that. I went to a Chinese Restaurant that was served essentially unlimited family style, and was informed quickly by one of my compatriots that when I was done eating to make sure I left some on the plate, or they would keep bringing me more. It was very different for me compared to my experience where even in the nicer restaurants it was custom to clean your plate.  but hey like they say when in Rome. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by ordo 

 

 

 

This lady says nothing about licking the plate, so it must be admitted.

 

 

I swear i was expecting a fat man in underwear, with a five days beard sipping a can of beer appearing back in the living room, but it didn't happened. Pitty.

after watching this, i can't wait for her sex etiquette video....woohoo!  but that's probably not allowed.

joey

i found the most disturbing part of ms.etiquette advocate's video was not being able to share bites...how exactly does that reflect badly on a person?

@siduri...i think that it is all interconnected, culture and etiquette..... that we are all interconnected...what was the movie, '6 degrees of separation'? ...something like that

@ kk...just curious, when you were in greece this summer, how did your eating experiences differ from what you thought? did the 'shameful bit' still exist?  were you expected to clean your plate? was it an insult not to?  did you?

joey

I hadn't realized that sharing bites of your dish with other diners was impolite.  If I have ordered something different from someone else at the table, I want to share it, unless of course it's horrid! 

When we go out to eat, we try it order different things.  It's the "what are you going to have?  Oh I wanted to try that too, but..." 

I thought that when you are at a dinner party, either at some ones home or a function, aren't you all eating the same thing anyway?

kgirl, 

a lot of times these days food is served buffet style, not plated. people may not take everything that's offered on a buffet and then at the table it's 'ooh, you gotta taste this', so you do. sometimes you have something on your plate whether buffet or plated that you simply don't like so you try and get your spouse to eat it so as not to insult your hostess..as kk says, it can be tricky.   usually if i want a taste of my husband's dinner or he mine we simply put a bit on the bread plate to share. i would never eat off of his plate, as in sticking my fork in his food...that to me is just plain gross and rude...french fries might be the exception, but i use my fingers...what would nancy mitchell say to that though? oh, the horror...

joey

I will split and share dishes with my friends before eating. No problem with that. But never after. With my wife always.

It's usual in China, among relatives, that you pick up a bite of something and put it on other people's plate to taste. But from a central bowl or plate, not from your own. It’s a caring gesture.

Off Google pics....in Taiwan.

Imagine all the places that have communal eating.....

 When in Rome.....

As humans we tend to fuss and fret over how we "appear" to others (some don't- noted). Humanity. The sea of humanity......there were

925 million hungry people in 2010. Most of those folks , if not all , would have gladly had half my lunch today, or worse, ate scraps out of the garbage.

I like to share. Public or private. If someone is coming at me with a airplane style arm with a dessert on top of their fork , you can be sure my mouth will be wide open. SNAP ! lol....

Thats just me....I am going back to my sushi making....it has been terrible trying to make it the way it should be made.. I have not done it so long.......and its raining.....oh the mood.

Petals.

The nicest thing about eating in a restaurant is that you get to each order something different and you get to taste a little of everything.  I grew up in america and there is a greater sense of "germs" and all that there, and my own mother was paranoid about germs.  I'm not bothered.  I get most of my colds from holding on to the railings in the busses, and handrails on stairs, i think.  And i have no problem tasting stuff someone else started (i'll stop short at what they spit out - we all have our limits)

If you don't share at a restaurant, to me that's just mean. 

When i'm with people i don;lt know well, i'll offer a taste before i start, in case they're afraid of my "germs". 

And not sharing with a husband or wife or anyone you're kissing, is just stupid!

If we go out to a restaurant with 'other people' (as Sirduri says, people that you're not kissing),

I offer a taste of a different dish to a fellow diner prior to my first bite. 

I pass it over on a clean bread dish (I usually don't eat the bread served before the apps come, I'm saving room ). 

If it's DH Michael and I, I just put a bite on his plate and visa versa,

but we must definitely share.

But Siduri, I wanted to ask, as someone in Italia, is it okay to slurp my pasta?

Khginaz, No, people don't slurp pasta.  I don't think anyone would be offended, but Italians love to note how non-italians don't know how to roll their spaghetti and don't know how to eat it.  So they might snigger, thinking you don't know how to pick it up.  But not usually in an intolerant way

Though it's considered not to be refined, most would use their bread to get the last bit of sauce.  Pasta is a first course, so you're not showing that there's not enough food. 

Every other dish, by the way, is usually eaten with a piece of bread in hand - bite of one and a bite of the other.  That used to be for politeness, you fill up on bread not to fill up on meat, but mostly they just are incapable of conceiving a meal without bread, ever.

What about posture, at home, i spread out i mean legs opened don't give a rats behind, in public keep those things closed lest someone gets the wrong idea. Use a napkin every 5 seconds, keep that mouth nice and clean so you make sure to present yourself properly, keep your napkin folded neatly, if your at a restaurant with linen. 

soup and other edible liquids are eaten with a glass or a spoon, cmon.

pizza and sandwhiches, use your hands and some napkins, and a good size plate for those pesky crumbs. (oh, i could go off, but why?)

steaks rice, so forth and so on, knife and fork..... put to lips, open mouth, insert utensil loaded with goodness. 

if i'm eating with other people at a buffet, hey try this ok ooh that's good ill get that next time. 

at a restaurant a sit down, everybody order something else and we can or can not try each others food, especially if the plates are $25 each or more. 

if I go to an expensive place after saving for a month, I spend time, and I mean 5-10 minutes eating an appetizer, dissecting it, eating it all together, dissecting it again. 

The world is a stage, and you it's actor.

Enjoy you're meal!

back to cultures, coincidently i was just reading about poi in early hawaii. it was considered a sacred food that came with it's own set of rules.... when poi was on the table, there was no argueing allowed. it was served from a large calabash or gourd bowl and instead of spoons everyone used their fingers to scoop it out. you had to place your fingers into the same part of the bowl every time (no double dipping was allowed even then!).   the quality of the poi was determined by how many fingers you used to scoop it.  2 finger poi was thicker than 3 or 4 finger poi, so if one wanted to impress or show good hospitality, they served 2 finger poi.

joey

That's interesting about the poi.  Reminds me about medieval usages - people ate with their hands (except italians, who other nationalities considered hopelessly foppish) and you shared a trencher with your neighbor (trencher is a large flat bread used as a dish). You had bowls of sauce to dip the meat in but you didn't dip your hands too deep in the sauce.  No blowing your nose on the tablecloth, but the tablecloth was long and used as a napkin too.  The pinkie was reserved for salt and spices, thus, supposedly, the idea of the aristocrat eating with the pinkie sticking out because you didn;t want to get the spice finger dirty, because you dipped it into the common spice bowl.  You were supposed to wipe your mouth before drinking, because if i remember right, you shared a glass as well.  Chaucer has a nice description of the aristocratic way of eating in his description of the prioress. 

@siduri: that pinkie story was amazing. Never imagined that. For decades until today, the high pinkie was kind of a demonstration of uneducated people manners.

Joey, also, women were not allowed to eat with the men...nor could they eat certain foods ...

I could give you oodles more FACTOIDS but that's another thread altogether..

kgirl, 

i'm guessing that's because we are all 'goddesses' that would not allow simple crude men into our huts! 

women smart!!! .....might be a good thread to start sistah....no need to invite 'miss manners' though

how's sin city? (vegas) so far?

travel safe,

joey