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Dealing with a difficult co worker, need advice !!! - Page 2

post #31 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by chefwriter View Post
 

That sounds fine to me. You are correct in bringing it up with Chef first. I suspect he is already aware of the situation but perhaps not. In any event, have a talk with him and let him take the next step. 

Additionally, as was suggested, don't trash her. Just state the situation. In your future interactions with her, remain calm at all times. When two people are having a tough time as you are, the one who gets visibly upset is automatically the loser. No matter how pissed off you are, keep a straight, calm face as if nothing is bothering you. This has the effect of making her behavior even more noticeable. 

 

Total agreement.

Also remember once you have complained don't repeat it and remain calm cool and collected on future shifts.

Like someone else commented it takes 2 to tango and you are now on the radar.

Loosing your temper will only raise suspicion with Chef that it is you who has the problem.....

 

mimi

post #32 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kslim View Post
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by panini View Post
 

Just me and only me. Not advise.

If I were to go try and fix things with a sit down, I would advise the Chef of your problem. Not hers. After all, it is your problem. I wouldn't trash her, I would explain why you can't perform

up to your potential with what's going on. Then explain.     Or like ChefRoss says, a "come to Jesus" meeting in the walk-in.:eek:   Also like Brian says, don't do something you'll regret. If there has been

unresolved complaints about this person, she might be a family member of someone in management. good luck

my thoughts are, and im gonna try and qoute this like as if i were going to say to chef. is that "im having issues working with said person on my station due to the lack of communication, i just dont know how to fix this problem, because when i go to try and talk to her she doesnt seem to want to work things out and work as a team, tends to want to do everything herself instead of me trying to help her out. "

 

i dont know, does that even sound right......

 

i would add that it "its effecting my ability to work, because she tends to become angry if i try and do anything without telling her"  but i dont know if thats appropriate to say at this time. 

Sounds pretty right to me. I personally would leave out your last line. What you wrote opens the door for the Chef to ask you about specifics. Then I would offer the last line.

FOR YEARS I LIVED TO WORK! NOW I WORK TO LIVE!
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FOR YEARS I LIVED TO WORK! NOW I WORK TO LIVE!
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post #33 of 50

The opening line is CRUCIAL. Suggest saving the "complaint" to the second thought.

 

It might be better to start the conversation by saying how much you enjoy being a part of the Chef's team and want to be a productive team member but having some concerns about being able to best meet Chef's needs, expectations, and standards. Chef will certainly ask, Why?... or quietly wait for the next sentence.

post #34 of 50

So, what happened?

 

If you haven't already had the conversation with your Chef, I would chime in by suggesting that you have at least three specific examples of how her behavior slowed down the progress of getting your plates to the expo.  The Chef doesn't want to hear subjective information, he/she wants to hear objectively how this behavior is affecting the bottom line, or affecting the guests' experience.  Maybe these are examples of how her performance affects things: she rearranges your station after you've set it up (huge no-no), she re-makes plates after you have made them to the standard expected for the (salad or whatever); you have suggested ways to streamline the station and she has been unwilling to implement the suggestions.

 

The real key here is: do you only work with this person or do you work this station with other people in addition to the crazy chicklet?  because if you are working well with others, that is something the Chef will know too.

post #35 of 50
Thread Starter 

So update on situation, it really isnt getting any better, but isnt necessarily getting worse so to speak. I have a thick skin to peoples BS but this girl has pushed every last button, anytime she goes off on a rant which is still pretty often, i want to deck the girl among other things. Like i just cant no more. Plus to make things worse she has one of the chefs wrapped around her finger, who basically hates me for whatever reason and thinks this chick is just the best thing to ever happen to our station.

 

Im just over the crap, as much as i want to make this new job work, and as much as i enjoy it i really dont know how much further i can be pushed until i break and basically probably get myself fired for it. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by JCakes View Post
 

So, what happened?

 

If you haven't already had the conversation with your Chef, I would chime in by suggesting that you have at least three specific examples of how her behavior slowed down the progress of getting your plates to the expo.  The Chef doesn't want to hear subjective information, he/she wants to hear objectively how this behavior is affecting the bottom line, or affecting the guests' experience.  Maybe these are examples of how her performance affects things: she rearranges your station after you've set it up (huge no-no), she re-makes plates after you have made them to the standard expected for the (salad or whatever); you have suggested ways to streamline the station and she has been unwilling to implement the suggestions.

 

The real key here is: do you only work with this person or do you work this station with other people in addition to the crazy chicklet?  because if you are working well with others, that is something the Chef will know too.

i get along fine and work quite well with the other two people who i work with, we all collectively agree that this girl is cray cray, but im about the only one with a big mouth who would ever speak up and say anything about her behavior. Even if i were in the long run to bring up my issue with one of the chefs, i dont know if i would try to drag them into it, simply cause i dont like doing that to other people who arent really aware of my inner issues with this situation. 

 

At this point im seriously considering just transferring back into my old location. Id rather deal with lazy people (which is basically what i was working with back at my old place) then deal with people who are clearly out to make my life miserable in more ways then one. i HATE giving up, and this is the kind of restaurant ive always wanted to work in, but this job is literally starting to make me in a way depressed having to deal with someone like that. idk

 

i mean if you were in maybe a similar situation would you stick it out even if it made you miserable in hopes that it got better, or would you leave? im just stuck in an stressful situation. I mean has anyone worked really hard for something they thought they would enjoy and realized once they got it, that it was making you miserable or unhappy?

 

it just kinda sucks to have a job i worked so hard to get be ruined essentially by one person. 


Edited by Kslim - 11/1/15 at 4:00pm
post #36 of 50
Maybe you should have this honest conversation with your boss. If they can't put you on a different section you can quit, which is better than being miserable.
post #37 of 50

Don't drag the other two in to the situation, invite them in. Talk to them in private and if you all agree on the situation then all three of you talk to the chef together. 

post #38 of 50
Thread Starter 
Well things only got worse, I'm now being sabotaged not only by the three people I work close with but now people from other areas are getting involved... Apparently because I wasn't nice to this girl (I mean geez she sure can dish it, but can't take it) , she cried after I clocked out for the day and now has both chefs on her side of things. I've been repremanded twice now for apparently not kissing this girl ass.......
I'm basically walking in tommorow and asking for a transfer back to my old location or quitting....
ive had about 4 restaurant jobs ranging from all types and never in my life have been put in a situation like this, or dealt with people who act like this.
I just can't wrap my head around how people side with someone who's so rude and condescending to everyone around her, but yet is so highly thought of by management is mind blowing....
I mean I'm not trying to put the blame on everyone but myself, but all I want to do is come into work and work, all the extra crap is just crazy to me.
Just to work so hard for something and then basically it all fall apart because of one person... I don't know if I should be mad or upset. I'm basically going through both emotions at the same time at this point.
post #39 of 50
Just leavee it behind. A word of advice; managers don't like ultimatums. So, go spread some resumes around before work to get a jump on things.
post #40 of 50
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grande View Post

Just leavee it behind. A word of advice; managers don't like ultimatums. So, go spread some resumes around before work to get a jump on things.

im not necessarily going to give an ultimatum in those words, but if im not given the ok to transfer back to my old location, im not going to continue to torture myself either.  

post #41 of 50
Thread Starter 

i think i work in a place with some very bipolar people... like REALLY Bipolar....i walk into work today expecting the worse, and instead am greeted by the girl im having major issues with, with kindness..... lord jesus, i just dont know what to make of this job. The one chef who isnt to keen on me still, i can just tell by body language, etc still isnt big on my presence, one minute he was harping on me and the next he was praising me.... i get that people go very up and down in moods in a few seconds, but its like a giant mind game working at this place. I dont know what to make of it, 

We also all learned that there are a bunch of new hires coming in starting tomorrow for quite a few different areas, including mine. Which basically is turning our pantry station from a 4 person station to 7 person station. 

Im slightly uneasy about what this could turn into being, considering all the problems ive had in the past week. I cant tell if its due to them wanting to replace some of the original people, or are they doing it because they are short staffed. 

post #42 of 50
Quote:

no offense but i dont believe in praising people for poor behavior, i dont think this girl wants to be a mentor since she hates when you ask her anything. My plan is to try hard to ignore her rude behavior. I just cant wrap my head around the way she acts towards people, like this girl cant be that dumb thinking that she wasnt gonna have to work together with other people for this job to work, then again maybe she's completely naive to her own behavior and thinks its ok. Like if your not a people person, then maybe you shouldnt be in a job where you HAVE to work with other people, apparently its a hard concept for some people to understand. 

 

ill give her three days, maybe five if i can stand it. But then im going to my boss and saying something. 

I don't give a ratz azz about people like that.  I have a co-worker who thinks he's the new sous and tries to boss me around.  As soon as he tries to give me an order, I always say, "I've already got that.  Do you need help with your tasks?"  Sometimes, he tells me to go on break and I retort by telling him when I'm going on break and to be sure to take his, too.

 

Our new chef is something to be desired, too.  He barks at everyone, talks down to everyone, and it kills me when I hear this uber conservative try to speak urban, when he knows absolutely nothing about it.  He tries to hi-five me one minute, then put me down in the next.  I politely told him that he doesn't have to bark at me because I will do anything in the scope of my employment.  He has eased up a bit and I also reminded him that he mentioned on his first day that he wanted to get to know us and I would be more than happy to sit and chat with him so he has an idea of whom he's working with.  He agreed, but he's only spoken to the male cooks."  Weird, huh? Not surprised.  Anyway, the new chef has only been there 4 weeks and is very curt and cutting.  

 

I hate conflict, but sometimes, you gotta step up and let 'em know you are NOBODY'S B*&(&!  I let that little fake-azz sous (he's just a line cook, still vying for the title and has only had 2 years of line cook experience.  Oh, he graduated from culinary school a semester ahead of me), know not to eff with me.  I was pizzed and now he's still a little curt, but that's his culture.  He's a little guy and I'm bigger, but he helps me now.  We work fine now.  He's not my friend and we are cordial to one another. We also help one another out.

 

Let's face it, men don't really want us in the professional kitchen, but when women start acting like that, it only sets us back even further.  Stand your ground and don't fall for the "polite" tactic of trying to please her.  She may be jealous of you.  Did that every occur to you?  You don't have to yell when you let her know she's overstepping her pay grade, then start documenting your interactions with times and dates.  Be very accurate because you want to have your facts together in case it reaches HR and you've covered your bases.

 

Good luck!


Edited by Etherial - 11/10/15 at 7:55am
post #43 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Etherial View Post
 

Let's face it, men don't really want us in the professional kitchen,

That is a pretty broad brush stroke.

 

Perhaps a barometer of sorts.

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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post #44 of 50

I worked for over six years with two women in a very intimate environment (a 24' catering truck) when I did movie catering. They were much easier to get along with than some of the guys I had working for me, and for the most part harder working. We could be feeding 50 people one day and 500 the next. Our job was very physical at times and these women brought it 99% of the time.

 

I have no problem with women in the kitchen as long as they can do the job that they were hired to do.

post #45 of 50

Yeah I am with @chefbuba on this one

 

When the chits start to fly, I don't care what gender, nationality, religion, age, etc. etc. etc. you are.

 

I want to work with people that are warriors, take names, and kick butt. Everything else goes out the window and doesn't mean a thing.

 

I don't even care if I like you or not (or whether you like me or not). It's nice if I do (and vice versa), but it's secondary on my priority list. A distant second. I am running a kitchen, not a popularity contest.

 

All that other stuff never matters to begin with either. I judge people individually on their merit and their character.

 

Some of the best people I know are ________ (fill in the blank with whatever pigeonhole you want).

Some of the worst people I know are ________ (fill in the blank with same pigeonhole used above).


Edited by cheflayne - 11/10/15 at 9:23pm
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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post #46 of 50

I'll jump in on this one. I've worked for and with plenty of women in all kinds of kitchen jobs and do so now. With one rare exception over the years,  they were all hard working and more pleasant than many of the men. So as the others have stated, I want the work done and done well. Gender just is not the issue it was in the past. If you work in a kitchen where it is, that's a sign the kitchen is unprofessional in many ways and you need to get out. 

If you are hardworking, dependable and like to discuss food, I'm right beside you, male, female or from Mars. If you are incompetent, a jerk or just plain lazy, don't hide behind your race, religion, gender or any other label. You aren't a female jerk, just a jerk. You aren't a gay lazy person, you're just lazy. As requested, I'm judging you on the content of your character. Make sure it measures up. 

post #47 of 50
I think every kitchen I've worked in, with the exception of the army, had at least half of the brigade female. This had the effect on me that when I ran my own kitchens, that half or even more of my staff was female.

With all that being said, I've got problems with the o.p. problem. Either this "girl" has the entire kitchen wrapped around her finger and is a genuine con artist, or..... Perhaps the problem lies with the o.p.?
...."This whole reality thing is really not what I expected it would be"......
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...."This whole reality thing is really not what I expected it would be"......
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post #48 of 50
Ive read some of the advice they gave you, but simply what i do is put up with it if i love the job, and remember that im there because i want to, and if that person is acting like that towards you or my self it because they are either threatened by you or jelous.
post #49 of 50
I started my job a month and a half ago, with chef/porter/waiter experience under my belt. I know how to follow recipes and instructions, Whatever I am told by the higher ups I will do. I notice stupid things but as a new starter I say nothing as it is not my place, if this is the way things were before them let it be, however I refuse to pick up my co workers bad habits. Example: Bad prep results in a bad cook, I won't reveal names or the recipe, but creating A mixture for waffles should not include USED vegetable oil "to save money" the instructions should also be followed correctly, and not to use Extra virgin olive oil. And when the cook is bad, you are blamed.


Take constructive criticism with a pinch of salt and difficult co workers with an even more bigger pinch. I am personally aiming to be a more knowledgeable Chef in and out of the kitchen and one of the biggest chunks of knowledge iv gained is don't ever let it get to you. When I screw up in the kitchen I acknowledge it, tell someone I F**ked up and then immediately rectify it.

and with the sexism? I personally don't care if your a woman or a man, as long as you can do the job and keep up.
Edited by Peteypete - 11/11/15 at 2:58pm
post #50 of 50

It is all in what you bring into the job is what you get out of it. If you are walking into a kitchen with a big chip on your shoulder about..............(fill in the blank) then that is more of what you are going to get handed back to you.

 

If you are thinking that the rest of the kitchen thinks that because you are female you are incapable, then that is EXACTLY what you will receive.

 

If you think that others are the problem and do not do as you think they should and you are adamant that you are right, then that is EXACTLY what you will receive in return.

 

Energy follows thought and people can pick that up easily in a close environment such as kitchens. Check your attitude and chips at the door before you walk through it. THIS IS A TEAM ENVIRONMENT AND NOT ONE MAN NOR WOMAN IS AN ISLAND! Even with my 30 odd years in the kitchen I do not DARE to presume that I know everything and that is that. If I did I would have never succeeded the way I have nor would I have made it in business. So stop your winge-ing (whining) about how you THINK others should be or act or do things and start to live with integrity by walking the talk. Only then will you notice that others will respect you and follow your lead. There is a saying: two ears, two eyes, one mouth; only by shutting the later does one start to truly learn. 

 

Also, if you really have an issue with anyone in your workforce, you must first record the incidences, then approach and have a conversation with the offending individual; if the does not work then take your records and your complaint to your boss and have a conversation with them with the promise of a follow up conversation on what was done about the incidences. If you CHOOSE to NOT do this at all the you DO NOT have a right to complain. Again, it is all about integrity.

 

This all being said, I truly empathize about working in environments that are not positive however, like I said above, what you bring to the table is exactly what you will receive. Choose the positivity or get out of that space of negativity. Yup, soapbox moment over :D

 

PS: I am a woman that in all my years of working in this type of environment have only had 1 incidence where I was treated unfairly because of my gender. Once I sat down with the offender and had a conversation like adults about the behaviour and treatment, we were able to see eye to eye and work well together. We were never friends but we both saw work as a priority and that is where we were able to get around our differences.

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