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I'll say right now that this post is going to come across as somewhere between insane and ridiculous. Don't worry; that's only because I am, in fact, insane and ridiculous.

That being said: I am not a cook. I'm a physicist. My wife is a great cook, and also an anthropologist with a talent and passion for biology. I need her help on a pet project of mine that involves biology, but I ate all of her Wheat Thins last night. Long story short, she'll help me with my "impossible miracle" of a project if I perform a miracle of my own: replentish her Wheat Thins without going to the store. I have to make them with what we have in the house.

The only part of that that isn't startlingly easy is that we don't actually have any whole wheat flour (I did already find the recipe). All we have is a few cups of self-rising white flour. So, my choices are to either find a way to manipulate the box of whole wheat spaghetti we have into something workable as flour - which I might be able to pull off, but she has expressly forbidden me to do - or make the blasted things with self-rising and try to simulate the flavor of whole wheat somehow.

My question, then, is this: is there anything that can be added to a dough that will make white flour taste more like wheat?

Before you reply, I know this is the most convoluted and ridiculous situation ever, but I assure you I'm 100% serious, so please just humor me. It's for a good cause, and if you've read this far, you've at least gotten a good chuckle out of it.