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Problems with a co-worker

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 

Ok since my threads end up being quite long, i´m going to try to keep this a bit shorter.  This is not only a rant, but a work issue. . 

 

She is a line cook, just like me... but she is so difficult to work with. She thinks she is soooo superior to me and our sous.  She´s just gunning for a Sous position, that or she thinks she already has the title. 

This girl is impossible, she barks orders thinking she is in command, she is scandelous, disses other employs, makes really rude jokes.

I know there is profanity in the kitchen, i myself love a good joke and all, but there is a difference between playfulness and disrespect. Her jokes and remarks in the kitchen are bordering aggressive and offensive. 

Aside from her charming personality, she is a slob, she doesn´t clean, she doesnt organize, but she loves to order us around to clean.

To top it off, she is a ass kisser and has the chef and management thinking she is the best thing since sliced bread. 

Her personality, jokes, offenses, and other problems are just sliding by the radar. 

Most of the cooks notice, but all are too chicken to say anything. 

 

I love the restaurant, the other cooks and me get along great, i love my chef, i love everything in general... except HER. 

Worst part of it she is friends with 1 of the partners, and has most of the management wrapped around her finger, my chef is blind, he can tell something ain´t right, but he isn´t doing anything right now. 

The place is new only 9 months running, and right now i feel like i´m seeing a great place almost sinking. 

 

Anyway, she has is out for me. I worked my arse off to get this job. I pull way over my weight to keep the peace, i work hard, i work longer hours then she does (i work longer hours then everyone in the kitchen actually), and i have proved myself to be a threat apperently. I guess me doing 60 covers on meat station while doubling down on garnish and working the dish pit on my first day, was enough to scare her in someway, that she feels like she has to disrespect me or defeat me. 

 

She has terrible comminucation skills, she won´t communicate, she won´t tell me what she is doing on the line, because she thinks she can do it herself. She tries to move fast and do orders before i get to them (even when they are orders that are my responsability or i have already called out as being mine). 

She doesn´t clean, the kitchen is small and our dishwashers don´t wash our pans and kitchen tools (only dishes that go out to the dining room), in other words she won´t wash pans, kitchen equipment in general, just filling up the sink until someone decides to do it (usually me because i don´t want to argue over something so stupid). 

She speaks to people with authority, thinking she is the sous, thinking she is better then most of us. Her jokes are foul and aggressive, she´s ironic, territorial, dirty, scandelous, and just so annoying. 

She tries to badmouth me to my chef, to my superiors, she attacks my professionalism and work ethic, and if i succeed in doing a good job she just tries to put me down. She´s cynical. 

And apparently she has made it her goal to make me her B****. She is doing everything possible to get me off the line and into garde mange.

I am just as fast as her (if not faster, since i work clean), the cooks all like me and feel what i´m going through, but no one is going to put there neck out there for me, so i´m on my own, getting fed up with BS. 

 

I´m a professional, i ignore it and move on, want to crack a disrespectful joke and direct it towards me? Ok, i can dish one back and still be classy. I can play aloof and just pretend it´s not affecting me, but i don´t know for how long. 

In 5 years i have never met someone like this, someone that takes pleasure in throwing people under the bus, in trying to be superior to others, defeat others this way and play dirty at this level. 

I have met a lot of people, there is always one that is tougher to deal with, that is a pain and a B**** but she tops them. 

 

This girl is starting to be my poison, during the job i try to keep focus, put out great food, and do the best possible and when everything is done and i succeed i still have to deal with the her. 

 

Part of me wants to just work, keep ignoring, keep a cool head and just get through the day. I can take the dissing and i can diss back with classier comments, but keeping this behind the scenes is starting to get difficult. I know people like this like to play dirty, like sabotage, like to blame, but if your successful they will sink there own ship, but i´m starting to get impatient with this one. 

 

The other part of me want to try to talk to the chef and open his eyes, or at least get a word in and attempt to at least get him to understand my side, but again, i don´t want to demonstrate conflict, because i know the tables can turn against me. 

 

I´m just stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

I know she is capable of just getting herself fired if she blows, she´s a time bomb, but waiting is starting to get difficult. 

The majority of the other employees both from BOH and FOH are cowards, they don´t fear her, but no one wants to put themselves out there and say anything in fear of losing there job, or in fear of having her word valued more. 

I know i can cook her under the table, the other cooks know it too, the problem is management and the my chef haven´t realized it yet, and with all her ass kissing and charm on those who matter in the restaurant know one with any power seems to notice she is a wolf in sheeps clothing. 

I know i won´t get fired because i can cook, and i don´t plan on quitting yet, i just hope i can hold for a few more months until completing a year at this place but everyday it gets harder.

 

If keeping this job depended soley on me working it would be easy, but juggling her in the midst is starting to get hard. 

 

I need some advice, i need some opinions. 

I don´t want to be the one to complain (at least not right now), but i don´t want to be her B**** nor do i want her thinking i am. 

Has anyone gone through this, spare me some insight please, some opinions, what should i do?

Hope it doesnt take too long before she crashes and burns.... i just don´t want to be the one to play the bad guy and her off come off as the victim (which she also plays very well). 


Edited by KaiqueKuisine - 8/15/16 at 8:03pm

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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post #2 of 15
That was the short version? Lol. I'd hate to see the long version. wink.gif

Ok. I'm going to ask a question and I'm truly not trying to be a dick. Dont you seem to have a lot of problems with other coworkers? Weren't you posting a few months ago about another problem with the chef at the place you work at? Or is this a new place?

I'm asking because a lot of times when someone always or often has problems with everyone else, it is really that person that is causing problems. Most people are blind to it, but high drama people always find drama. You seem like you have a lot of drama everywhere you go, so what is the common denominator? Again, I'm really, REALLY not trying to be mean, but sometimes the best thing a person can do is to do some hardcore self reflection and try to dial in some things that could change. The only thing you can control is yourself and your reactions....you can't control your coworkers or your chefs, or anyone.

My other advice would be to just ignore her as best you can. Don't play her game. Don't respond to her. Most likely she feeds off of reactions and negativity. Don't stoop. Rise above. Do your job.

If everyone knows about her, it is only a matter of time before she is found out. Basically, don't play her game, don't feed the troll, etc.

Other than that, might not be much you can do if you want to maintain your professionalism.
post #3 of 15

As a professional, we tend to come into contact with a wide variety of humans.

Not all of our experiences are stellar.

 

As we move from location to location in our career, we find co-workers who have different styles, different work ethics, and different attitudes about what they do and why they do it.

 

Sometimes those goals, attitudes, and styles don't jive with our own style.

 

We either have to assimilate or abandon our style and attitude to conform.

 

If we are in charge, then our attitude prevails.

If another is in charge, well then, we have to suck it up and carry on.

 

I can't begin to know why the human species feels that their job is a contest pitting themselves against other peers.

 

In this case, I see a dedicated hard working employee that happens to get into situations where they ARE better, faster, and cleaner.

It happens. 

I myself have had jobs where the co-workers have done some nasty things to me as well. I found myself in a managers office once surrounded by 15 angry co-workers demanding my head.

I defended myself and walked out of that office knowing I was right and everyone else could go to hell. 

 

There is no one sound piece of advice here Kaique. In your thread you mentioned the place has only been up for 9 months. Remember that it takes a while to weed out the bad and get the good where they need to be. Have faith that your nemesis will screw up and be out. But be equally astute to your own place and how you interact within your crew, as YOU are also being evaluated.

 

If there's one thing I've come across in my career, where the bad egg makes the food sour, it is that the egg doesn't always get tossed.

 

Good luck

post #4 of 15

I will agree with what the others have said. 

     In addition, I'll go out on a short limb here and say that Everyone knows about her. After finding myself in too many unfortunate situations like that, I have found that even if it doesn't appear to be so, everyone is aware of the problem child.  The owners and management are not fooled. They know what she is up to and how she conducts herself. They have not told you because they can't badmouth one employee to another. But they most certainly know. 

      What they may not have figured out is how to get rid of her and replace her with someone more suitable, two big problems. For getting rid of her, they need a very, very good reason so she can't give them a hard time about it. They also need to have someone fill her position. Both those things need to happen close together so they are not caught short. 

If they promote from within, they still have another position to fill. If they hire from without, they need to advertise there is a position open. But they don't' want to do that and let her know she is on the way out. 

     So as has been suggested, keep your cool and don't engage. In fact, the less you engage negatively, the more she stands out as the problem. If anyone else or her bothers to ask why you are so quiet, just reply that you have personal issues on your mind that you don't wish to discuss. Focus on getting the work done and comfort yourself with the knowledge that every day she reveals herself more and more, whether or not anyone else acknowledges it. Be pleasant and helpful, focusing your efforts, as you have been, on being a great employee. The chef and management will notice that too. I'm sure they already have. 

     I'll add only that you are far from alone in experiencing this. In every single job I have ever had, there have been people like her. . 

And every single time, I discovered that everyone else knew about it, even though they may not have said so right away. Sometimes it was a coworker, sometimes my supervisor. One of the  biggest pains I ever worked with was a family member. (There isn't space enough here to relate that one!)

     In my current job, I am fortunate only in that all those with issues in my daily location are below me in the hierarchy although the overall GM doesn't seem to care for me much.  I think its' because I am not an ass kisser but he's not saying and I'm not asking. 

     Knowing all this is what makes me hesitant to get a different job, as much as I would like to be doing something different. After so many years, I know that no matter what job I take, this is an issue I will have to deal with. People can be a real PIA.  I would like to simply show up, focus on cooking great food and be appropriately compensated for my efforts. Sadly, reality intervenes every time. 

    So for you, this is a great opportunity to figure out how you will tolerate this BS. Because it will never not happen. 

post #5 of 15

Those kind of people are everywhere. Not only are they in the work place, they are in the dining room as guests. They are in your neighborhood. They are on public transportation. Etc.,etc.,etc. Learning to coexist is part of our journey in life. Some people learn, some people wind up on the 6:00 news.

 

"Leave your front door and your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don't serve them tea." -Shunryu Suzuki

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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post #6 of 15

 I can only control my own agenda. I would let the chef know it's not a real happy work atmosphere working with her. When you work for someone you don't have a lot of control over your destiny. This is why I started my own business. Work hard and be there for your chef they will read through the bullshit and get the real story. 

post #7 of 15

Hi Kaique,

 

Here's what I read into your post.

 

Your co-worker sees herself as sous-chef material, and nothing is stopping her to change her views. 

 

In other words no one is challenging her in the kitchen.  No one did in the beginning, which is why she sees herself as sous material.

 

Maybe she is physically a better cook, maybe she isn't.  Maybe her managerial skills are developing well, maybe they suck royally.  But again, no one is challenging her, and Mngmt/partners are friendly with her.

 

Some people automatically want to be leaders--regardless if they are good or not, and this is your co-worker.

 

You can't really get her to change her ways, eventually either she goes, or you go.  If you want to challenge her, better start acting now, and be prepared for the retaliation.

 

 

 

However, if you are just sick and tired of her behavior, and want to take her down a notch or two, no one says you can't have a bit of fun, right?

Take an egg, hollow it out, run a piece of string through it, and tie a paper clip or clothespin to the other end of the string.  Hang this contraption on the back of her apron, so that the egg dances nicely between her legs.  Do this at a time where she spends some time in the kitchen before going into the dining room, where it will surely be noticed and removed.  This will keep her quiet for a few days, and that's when you find a way to get her to do pots and pans like everyone else.

 

Like you said, you all love a good joke

...."This whole reality thing is really not what I expected it would be"......
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...."This whole reality thing is really not what I expected it would be"......
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post #8 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Someday View Post

That was the short version? Lol. I'd hate to see the long version. wink.gif

Ok. I'm going to ask a question and I'm truly not trying to be a dick. Dont you seem to have a lot of problems with other coworkers? Weren't you posting a few months ago about another problem with the chef at the place you work at? Or is this a new place?

I'm asking because a lot of times when someone always or often has problems with everyone else, it is really that person that is causing problems. Most people are blind to it, but high drama people always find drama. You seem like you have a lot of drama everywhere you go, so what is the common denominator? Again, I'm really, REALLY not trying to be mean, but sometimes the best thing a person can do is to do some hardcore self reflection and try to dial in some things that could change. The only thing you can control is yourself and your reactions....you can't control your coworkers or your chefs, or anyone.

My other advice would be to just ignore her as best you can. Don't play her game. Don't respond to her. Most likely she feeds off of reactions and negativity. Don't stoop. Rise above. Do your job.

If everyone knows about her, it is only a matter of time before she is found out. Basically, don't play her game, don't feed the troll, etc.

Other than that, might not be much you can do if you want to maintain your professionalism.

Lol Someday at that time i was working two jobs. The chef and i worked out our kinks, we don´t work together anymore because he took his leave, but he gave me a recommendation to work at his new place.

This job i have been working for about 3 months now, and currently my only job at the time. 

And no i wasn´t the problem, i probably should have just stayed calm that time, but eventually sometimes i guess we just throw sh*t in the fan and end up learning not to do it again. 

Probably the major reason i ended up posting/ranting. 

 

I guess these last few months i had some bad luck running into some downers in the industry. Theres always someone and how we adapt is important, this situation seems to be more difficult then past situations where i adapted better and didn´t feel so conflicted. 

 

But no i am not the problem...and i hate drama. 

I´ve just been having some bad luck in all honesty, but it probably has to do with the fact that i have gone into working in more higher end places and the competition is stiff. 

I ´m just going to say its a coincidence that i ended up running into another bad attitude so quickly.

I self reflect a lot, and i´m sure it´s not me, and my last situation is probably why i learned enough to not want to take certain measures. 

I wanted to rant a bit too lol. 

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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post #9 of 15
Thread Starter 

An update on today. 

 

I walked in just wanting to work hard today. Not really try to play her game, so i didn´t... 

She thinks she is a sous chef or some hardcore cook, so i let her think she was. 

The rush began and she wanted to plate dishes. 

 

I know how to plate but i wasn´t planning on fighting or contradicting her. So i let her plate. 

I banged out the vast majority of the dishes with another cook, as she attempted to plate as well as cook. 

She couldn´t handle the rush, she ended up starting dishes and i having to finish the majority of them, or she would get all the stuff on her station ready, and i ended up having to actually cook because she couldn´t plate fast enough and cook.

 

Waiters complained that the plates weren´t up to snuff, dishes were completely off in plating and plating was taking long that some dishes weren´t going out hot enough. 

I did my job, i cooked, reheated, just did what i could, i didn´t talk in the kitchen just stayed quiet and worked. 

 

I finished on a high, and she finished on a low. 

Just another day in the kitchen. 

Tomorrow is her day off and thursday is my day off, so i get a 2 day break from looking at her face, which is going to make the rest of the week bearable. 

Aside from that tomorrow we only work in 2 line cooks along with our chef, so it will be a great opportunity to just kill service one more time. 

 

I don´t intend on doing anything, if i am asked something i will answer it, but i´m not planning on playing her game and sinking to her level. 

I´m just going to rise to the occasion and surpass her, that´s really all i can do until the situation resolves, but i don´t plan on doing anything aside from working harder. 

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by chefwriter View Post
 

I will agree with what the others have said. 

     In addition, I'll go out on a short limb here and say that Everyone knows about her. After finding myself in too many unfortunate situations like that, I have found that even if it doesn't appear to be so, everyone is aware of the problem child.  The owners and management are not fooled. They know what she is up to and how she conducts herself. They have not told you because they can't badmouth one employee to another. But they most certainly know. 

      What they may not have figured out is how to get rid of her and replace her with someone more suitable, two big problems. For getting rid of her, they need a very, very good reason so she can't give them a hard time about it. They also need to have someone fill her position. Both those things need to happen close together so they are not caught short. 

If they promote from within, they still have another position to fill. If they hire from without, they need to advertise there is a position open. But they don't' want to do that and let her know she is on the way out. 

     So as has been suggested, keep your cool and don't engage. In fact, the less you engage negatively, the more she stands out as the problem. If anyone else or her bothers to ask why you are so quiet, just reply that you have personal issues on your mind that you don't wish to discuss. Focus on getting the work done and comfort yourself with the knowledge that every day she reveals herself more and more, whether or not anyone else acknowledges it. Be pleasant and helpful, focusing your efforts, as you have been, on being a great employee. The chef and management will notice that too. I'm sure they already have. 

  

I get where your coming from and im sure everyone notices it. 

In the kitchen i am currently the youngest and these older line cooks have been working with her longer, some have already reported contradcting her and only causing friction in the work environment problaby  why no one will have another go at it again. 

And again older and experienced cooks have "been there, done that" and probably know better then to "poke the snake with a short stick". 

I also believe that the majority if not everyone knows about the situation and knows whats going on. At least the peole who are generally in the kitchen. 

My chef (who´s the restaurants owner) has already picked up on it but hasn´t quite put his finger on it just yet, but im sure she is sinking her own ship, now i just have to wait it out i guess. 

 

I don´t plan on letting her disrupting my work, nor do i plan on letting her affect me, at work i brush it off as well as possible, somedays are more tougher, but i don´t plan on quitting so i have to deal. 

 

Thanks for the sound advice. 

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

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post #11 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chefross View Post 

 

There is no one sound piece of advice here Kaique. In your thread you mentioned the place has only been up for 9 months. Remember that it takes a while to weed out the bad and get the good where they need to be. Have faith that your nemesis will screw up and be out. But be equally astute to your own place and how you interact within your crew, as YOU are also being evaluated.

 

If there's one thing I've come across in my career, where the bad egg makes the food sour, it is that the egg doesn't always get tossed.

 

Good luck

So true and i tend to focus more on myself and my tasks, i just have to keep going, and gettign better, working harder, and just rising to the occasion. I like my job and i like the crew so i don´t plan on leaving and i want to keep challenging myself and impressing my superiors and my co-workers, as wlel as just putting out good food. 

So you are right, i need to focus on me and my job, less on her, as much as possible. 

 

I don´t plan on fighting, i´ll just give her enough rope until she hangs herself, my mother generally tells me that negative people usually cause there own bad results, and i don´t plan on getting caught up in the middle of anything she´s got brewing, i guess time will resolve the situation. 

Just plan on being the best i can be, and let her be whatever/however she wants. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheflayne View Post
 

Those kind of people are everywhere. Not only are they in the work place, they are in the dining room as guests. They are in your neighborhood. They are on public transportation. Etc.,etc.,etc. Learning to coexist is part of our journey in life. Some people learn, some people wind up on the 6:00 news.

 

"Leave your front door and your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don't serve them tea." -Shunryu Suzuki

 

Yeah they are everywhere, and i have to just continue my journey and learn. I was speaking to my family and they basically said the same thing. I know that when i move on i will continue to find people like her, and i guess it´s good to get the experience and learn so that in future occasions, i won´t let it get to me. After all we work in kitchen and there is always someone that isn´t our cup of tea. This is just another live and learn experience and will only serve in making a better cook/person. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by foodpump View Post
 

Hi Kaique,

 

Here's what I read into your post.

 

Your co-worker sees herself as sous-chef material, and nothing is stopping her to change her views. 

 

In other words no one is challenging her in the kitchen.  No one did in the beginning, which is why she sees herself as sous material.

 

Maybe she is physically a better cook, maybe she isn't.  Maybe her managerial skills are developing well, maybe they suck royally.  But again, no one is challenging her, and Mngmt/partners are friendly with her.

 

Some people automatically want to be leaders--regardless if they are good or not, and this is your co-worker.

 

You can't really get her to change her ways, eventually either she goes, or you go.  If you want to challenge her, better start acting now, and be prepared for the retaliation.

 

 

Your also right and i don´t plan on becoming the sous, especially because we already have one and i don´t plan on overstepping boundries like her. 

Regardless or not, i just plan on giving it my all as already mentioned, if she doesn´t feel i´m a challenge thats probbaly even better, because she will just overlook me in the kitchen. 

 

I can´t change her ways, and to be honest i don´t want to attempt to. I do plan on just getting over it, being a better cook then her, and working harder. It won´t be challenging her, as much as i will be challening myself, but i know in the long run, dealing with situations like this and getting past them can only make me stronger. 

 

 

 

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE AND WORDS OF WISDOM EVERYONE. 

And feel free to pitch in. 

 

For those of you who participated in posting on my last thread, i will just inform that this siatuation is different, im ranting a bit, but the past situation helped me grow. What i did in the past was stupid, and shouldnt´have even happened, but it did, i worked it out but this time is different. 

So thanks for giving me the honest answers and replys. 

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

Reply

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

Reply
post #12 of 15
"She couldn´t handle the rush, she ended up starting dishes and i having to finish the majority of them, or she would get all the stuff on her station ready, and i ended up having to actually cook because she couldn´t plate fast enough and cook.

Waiters complained that the plates weren´t up to snuff, dishes were completely off in plating and plating was taking long that some dishes weren´t going out hot enough.
I did my job, i cooked, reheated, just did what i could, i didn´t talk in the kitchen just stayed quiet and worked."

She did NOT fail. But Your kitchen team failed!

Saute, expo, garde manger, garnish, etc. etc....these are not being run by independent contractors. You were all hired by the restaurant/chef to work as a TEAM to complete the dishes to the best of your abilities. The chef didn't hire you and tell you "Do your station, if another station fails, I will handle the consequences..."

Just worry about yourself (as countless chefs have told me).... The cooks are a team, the best player on a professional sports team is not the one with the biggest stats... It's the one that helps out his teammates the most in order to get wins. So just because she thinks she's contributing the most, and she THINKS she's the best . ... Who cares? Let her think that. You didn't come to work at the restaurant to get endless praise and to be adored for how much you contribute, right? You came to work, learn, get some money and contribute to the team . If you're really a good cook, you figure out how to get your service to operate efficiently, even with this less than ideal cook... You don't accept failure or cold plates or service staff sending plates back. That's being lazy and accepting failure. You're a team , just cause one person is a lazy, bad person, doesn't mean that's an excuse to let the restaurant operate at less than ideal conditions . Make it work.
post #13 of 15
Don't worry how much someone else makes, don't worry how much work they do, don't worry if they take 9 breaks in a 6 hour shift, don't worry if they take 4 shift meals a day, don't worry if they suck up to the chef and then talk endless smack about the chef as soon as they turn around.... Do your job, go above and beyond your assigned duties, if you're on the clock you better be wiping , cooking or cleaning.

If you don't like the place as a whole, leave. I don't understand why some people continue to work at the restaurants I've worked at. I would rather be homeless for a couple weeks, work at McDonald's, move back to my parents house, ANYTHING except go back to work for a restaurant owner who doesn't not care one bit about anything or anyone, except how to make his next profit margin even greater . Working in a restaurant with damn near everything broken, or filled with mold, dust , grime , grease, and the owner is no where to be found , ever. Then the kitchen crew just finds a way to half arse it and make it "good enough" .... I don't do "good enough" , I do "do it right or don't do it at all"...

Which is why I can relate to the OP. I'm so ready for Michelin star restaurants, it's not funny.

I would rather live in the alley, working for a solid chef/restaurant... As opposed to living in a mansion, working for another horribly operated restaurant (in Sac)
post #14 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaiqueKuisine View Post
 

Lol Someday at that time i was working two jobs. 

 

I don't know what that has to do with it, but OK. And I mean, you can "lol" and dismiss what I'm saying, and maybe you will, but I'm going to say it anyway. I'll also say again that I'm not trying to be offensive or mean in any way. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by KaiqueKuisine View Post
 

The chef and i worked out our kinks, we don´t work together anymore because he took his leave, but he gave me a recommendation to work at his new place.

This job i have been working for about 3 months now, and currently my only job at the time. 

And no i wasn´t the problem, i probably should have just stayed calm that time, but eventually sometimes i guess we just throw sh*t in the fan and end up learning not to do it again. 

Probably the major reason i ended up posting/ranting. 

 

I guess these last few months i had some bad luck running into some downers in the industry. Theres always someone and how we adapt is important, this situation seems to be more difficult then past situations where i adapted better and didn´t feel so conflicted. 

 

But no i am not the problem...and i hate drama. 

I´ve just been having some bad luck in all honesty, but it probably has to do with the fact that i have gone into working in more higher end places and the competition is stiff. 

I ´m just going to say its a coincidence that i ended up running into another bad attitude so quickly.

I self reflect a lot, and i´m sure it´s not me, and my last situation is probably why i learned enough to not want to take certain measures. 

I wanted to rant a bit too lol. 

 

All I will say is that people who are the problem don't often think that they are the problem. Like, that woman you are talking about in your post doesn't think she's the problem, she's probably talking to her S.O. or friends whomever about YOU. It is all perspective. 

 

You'd obviously know better than I would about the nuts and bolts of the situation. My main point I was trying to make is that its super easy and common to just sit back and point fingers, play the blame game, etc. What is difficult is taking a hard look at not only the behavior of others but the behavior of ourselves, and use this self reflection to diffuse or overcome the situation. 

 

I mean, in effect YOU ARE par of the problem, because you continue to feed into and let her shit effect you in such a way. You can't control what other people do in life, all you can control is how you act, and react, to situations. You also don't know how it might affect others in the kitchen...you might perceive that SHE is the main issue, she probably perceives YOU are the main issue, and then you have a bunch of people working with you (other cooks, servers, etc) who just see two people being really passive aggressive or even active aggresive toward each other all the time. 

 

Again, I don't know you, and I don't have first hand knowledge of your specific situation. All I know is that certain people attract and create drama on a consistent basis, and based on some of your previous posts you might be one of those people. It doesn't mean you are a BAD person, or a bad cook, or whatever, it just means that it is part of your personality. If you are aware of that aspect of yourself it gives you a better chance to rise above and work on it. 

 

Worry about YOU, and what YOU do everyday. Who gives a shit about this other person? Unless she is physically, verbally or sexually harassing you, or being dangerous, etc...just rise above. People will notice. 

 

She's not going to change, right? Again, the only thing you can change is yourself and your reactions. 

 

And I don't think it is "coincidence" that you've run into another bad attitude so fast. Bad attitudes are common everywhere, in every country, in every line of work, everyday and everynight. Doubly so in the hospitality business. If you've only run into a couple bad attitudes so far, that is probably beating the average. Best to learn how to adapt, or you run the risk of burning out faster. 

 

EDIT: I'll also say that I read your other follow up posts, and you seem to have the right attitude moving forward, so kudos for that. Keep it up, I'm sure your hard work and dedication will pay off. 

post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 

I definitely get where your coming from @Someday

And i didn´t take offense to anything you posted. After all you can´t just be on my side, based on my side of the story. 

And i understand the perspective thing, she may just think i´m the problem, i guess it´s the whole "being on the other persons shoe" situation. 

 

And running into bad attittudes in this industry is normal, but i was lucky enough to a few times actually work with people that propably didn´t have an attitude that affected me so much. 

I usually get along with people well, and even when i don´t it it off with someone i still usually can speak to them and try to be an aquaintence and a team player. 

I think maybe we are just such opposites or maybe it´s just a vibe thing, idk to be honest. Regardless though of how i feel towards her or how she feels towards me, i´m not going to quit, i´m just going to work. 

Not like we have to be friends, i just need to work with her. 

 

Since i can´t change her, all i can do it adapt, like you said.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

Reply

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr.Seuss

Reply
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