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Help! I'm getting married

4803 Views 45 Replies 15 Participants Last post by  katbalou
I'm mainly looking for general input, but I do have one food question--can I really count on these places that do the whole package deal for you--from the ceremony to the reception and the cake and the catering, etc. etc. or should I hire a private caterer, along with everyone else--a photographer, flowers, etc. Are buffets a good idea or should I stick with the "beef or chicken" plated meal type things?
I am leaning towards having it in my church in my old hometown and having the reception downstairs in the meeting hall. That means I'd have to hire everyone myself--photographers, caterers, find a wedding cake, flowers, etc. My fiance keeps sending me links to fancy estates and mansions that do ceremonies and receptions--and hire their own people to do the food and everything else, I assume. (Haven't looked too deeply into this yet. Just got engaged a week and a half ago.)
IThe wedding won't be very big--only a couple bridesmaids, best man, and maybe 40 guests tops. Any tips?
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Another question: Is it custom for the bride's mother to help (or take over) with organizing it? I just talked to her and she is trying to impose her ideas on me (have the wedding and reception in the same place, have it near her so she can help plan for it, don't go too fancy, get a simple wedding dress, blah blah blah). I don't understand why she should have a part of it, (besides some 200 year old custom from back in the day when the parents used to pick the groom, too) And she tells me not to let my fiance help with anything or even give any input--isn't it his wedding too?
A week and a half into the engagement and I already want it to be over.
Well, I was a member of the congregation from when we moved there when I was about 9 until I left town when I was about 18. I was an active member of the youth group and in the theater productions we put on (Pippin, Godspell, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, etc.)
I still pop in once in a while when I'm up there and my mom goes to services once in a while. The congregation has grown considerably since I left, and mom complains that she doesn't know many people there anymore, but I am pretty close with the head minister and have used him as sort of a therapist during the harder times in my life.
As for money, my mom has said "I hope your father pays for it." They are divorced--doesn't that add a whole other can of worms! LOL
So if he does pay for it, doesn't *he* have all the say?
I'll be talking with him over the phone tomorrow night.
Just got your post, Mezzaluna...I haven't talked to my fiance much about the whole thing because of my mother saying he shouldn't have a say! He does say he wants it outdoors (I don't), and at a very nice and fancy place. Sounds beautiful but the fancier we get the more planning we (I) have to do. We also don't really like the idea of having it so close to mom, unless we go with the church idea, because that's really the only appropriate place in the area.
Unfortunately neither of us have many friends in this area so I don't think I'll be getting any "home made" contributions.
I think my mother is helping so much because she knows I can be a procrastinator--I'd go so far as saying I am queen of procrastinating--so she is probably just trying to help in her usual overbearing way.
Why is the bride more important than the groom?
Thanks for keeping this thread going :) I can more than live with an outdoor wedding. I mean, if it goes well, I'm sure it will be beautiful. It's what can go wrong that bothers me. (Weather, mainly.) It just seems like an extra headache that can be easily avoided by just getting married indoors.
So it seems like most of you think my fiance should have a pretty big part in this. I tend to agree. My mom is all wrapped in tradition I guess. If I followed tradition all the time I'd be a very different person today. :D
We have not set a date but we are thinking September 2004. Then we read somewhere that September is popular. But we are flexible.
I talked to my dad and he said he was willing to pay for "most of your expenses, like two thirds". He says I should pay for everything though and then send him a grand total and he'll reimburse me. He made it sound like he talked to mom and she didn't want to pay for any of it, but then I talked to mom and she said something about she, dad and me splitting it somehow, like dad does half and mom and I split the other half. Anyway, we have a lot of money to play around with either way, but I think the best thing to do is set a budget before I commit to anything. That will at least help narrow things down.
So...what is a realistic budget for a moderately costly wedding?
I found a neat little chart online that divides up each expense by percentage. I think that will be helpful too.
Dad and stepmom wholeheartedly agree that this is our day. They poo-poo the tradition thing, saying "That was around when the brides still lived with their parents, and it's much harder now for a bride and her mom to plan a wedding together."
When I talked to mom tonight after I talked to dad we didn't really talk about the wedding. She called to talk to my fiance! She's having trouble with cable and he works for them, so he helped her out. I think that's the first time she's called specifically to talk to him lol. It was weird.
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We haven't set a date, but we hope late September 2004. If not September, he wants August, I want October. I'd rather head towards cooler months than sweat my butt off.
Panini, can you send me a sample of that cake? :D
We are from Massachusetts but are looking at places in RI (we live very close to it) and New Hampshire (dad and stepmom live up there) as well as Massachusetts. We can't please everyone--it's going to be sort of far away for some people and really close for others.
Ok, so I gave in like I always do...I am up at my mom's house now and we are going to look at wedding reception/ceremony places tomorrow, all in her central Massachusetts Newport mansion wedding by the sea, no cute little New Hampshire inn, everything has to be centralized around mom because she is "throwing the party" for me. I always thought the one throwing the party would also be the one paying for it...but of course I didn't say that....
There also seems to be conflicting information from my father; he told me he would pay two thirds or so and I could pay the other part, but I guess he told mom we were each going to pay a third, or something...either way I guess I'm paying a third, so they can hash it out.
Also now she wants me and her to pick out 3 bridesmaid dress options and let my cousin pick from them. Is that a good idea? I'd much rather let my cousin totally pick her own because she knows best what she looks good in, but mom says her dress has to sort of match the style of my dress...I didn't really see any similarities at all between bridesmaid dresses and bride gowns but I guess it's a good idea to make sure she won't look better than I will... ;) And yes I am having one bridesmaid...she is the only appropriate female relative I have even seen in the last couple years. Wouldn't feel right asking the cousin I haven't seen in 10 years.
I drove up here earlier today and boy it was a headache...I can't stand driving 20 minutes to work twice a week and now I have to keep driving up here to make wedding plans. Looks like I am spending weeks at school and weekends at my mom's for the next year. Guess that will make me appreciate my fiance that much more when we get married!
Should I be more appreciative? Yes...probably...she wants to take control and I hate making plans so I should be happy that she wants to do it. Fine...but I draw the line at her attending the honeymoon :)
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Wow, I totally forgot I posted this until I saw it near the top of the list!
It's coming up fast now, less than a month. Everything is falling into place except we have a couple of things to iron out with the mother in law. She is quite an irrational person and I don't think she understands she has no say in anything, especially since she is not willing to help with anything, even had to twist her arm to get her to help pay for the rehearsal dinner! I ended up sending the rehearsal invitations myself and everything. They will not be making any toasts at the dinner or the wedding reception, basically they want to be invisible and yet the mother threatens not to come if we do not seat her at the head table. Right now there are no parents at the head table, so it would just be her and her husband, me, the groom, the best man and maid of honor. My fiance went to Tennessee with them just a few days ago and said he would talk to her on the way back to make sure that's really what she wants, and then I will have to tell my mom, who of course wants everything done HER way (ie no parents at the head table at all)...They are on their way back now and I hope he doesn't forget.
Every other day there has been an issue with her not getting her way. We are getting down to the end now and I can't imagine what else she won't like but that's what I said at the beginning, too.
Just about everything else is hunky dory. I just need to order some shoes for when I change out of my gown before we leave. We need to get the marriage license--it's so hard for both of us to have time off together but we can probably get it done Thursday. We also need to make our hotel reservations for the night of and night after. I'm trying to give my fiance things to do because he kept asking if he could do anything, but when I give him things to do they don't get done.
The payment issue is resolved but I think my mom still thinks it's a surprise party or something...she always goes off about how she is throwing this party for me. Well I never heard of someone throwing a party and not doing what the honored person would like. I don't like the color of the maid of honor's dress (I wasn't even there when she bought it and I had no idea what it looked like until she showed me at her house, after she bought it) and of course everything at the wedding has to match that color. The color is magenta...what matches magenta? Other pinks...yippee. I snuck a note to the florist saying "Please lean towards purples"...I can deal with purple...
So I just hope a lot of the pictures are taken against a white background or something lol!
Remind me to never get married again :p I guess that's the idea!
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Yeah I think it's too late :) Too many down payments paid, too many people coming out of their way to be there. I appreciate all the presents, and the TWO parties thrown for us so far (still no bachelorette party, LOL). We're already getting wedding presents in the mail, and mom says it's fine to open them as we get them, but I think my fiance wants to wait... :mad:
I don't know if my MIL will ever think I'm a good match. She doesn't even speak to half of her own family...I don't need her approval, but it sure would be nice! :D
Well I guess maybe the harder the planning is, the better it all ends up in the end, because really, nothing majorly bad happened. There was a little weird mixup with the music--they played the wrong song during the mothers' walk down the aisle, but who cares...The dj didn't play all the songs we had requested, but again, we barely noticed. The food was delicious. I had to try a bit of everything, except I missed one of the hors d'oeuvres and I only had one entree, lol..I suppose I could have asked for a little piece of beef but oh well. The swordfish was excellent as were the sides. The cake was amazing and so was the platter of cookies they put out. They had a chocolate-dipped cookie that tasted like coffee and absolutely melted in your mouth.
The ceremony went without a hitch and so did the reception. I was worried about the dances because we hadn't practiced even once but it went great. We are so happy and I can't believe it's over. I still keep thinking "I have to remember such and such at the wedding", and then I realize it has happened. Now we're getting ready to leave for Las Vegas bright and early tomorrow.
I got some amazing wedding presents, including a few family heirlooms--some china and a nice chair.
Gotta go--may post more later--
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