Cats and squirrels? No, my pets, as Easter approaches, the grounds of Dear Abby's home estate are overrun with rabbits.
Abby's long-time gardener, Angus, is in complete agreement with Abby that residential gardens should be as free of pesticides as possible. He also shares Abby's deep respect for wildlife. However, the little bunny rabbits are devouring Abby's expensive landscape every night!
Angus has a degree in horticulture, yet could not solve this gardening dilemma. Abby's conscientious butler, Hughes, who manages the household accounts, soon became concerned over the mounting expense of replacing annuals and perennials - or "gourmet rabbit food", as he now calls Abby's flowers.
The last straw was when the beautiful new pansy beds were ravaged overnight, right down to the roots! Clearly, something had to be done!
Dearest Hughes, ever the picture of British reserve, surprised Abby when he opted for a fast-and-fatal solution. Hughes suggested Angus not dally about with humane traps, but instead, poison the rabbits -- or just shoot them!
This upset Abby's tender-hearted gardener, so Hughes said, "Never mind the poison, old chap; I have a bloody excellent idea! Wait and see. By Monday morning, our bunny battles shall be history, and without ever firing a shot!"
Early Monday, as Dear Abby sipped her coffee and Chef Henri prepared breakfast, the gardener stormed into the kitchen demanding that Hughes and Abby come with him to the reflecting pool garden. Henri came also as well as Raul, the pool boy, and Gretchen, Abby's secretary that week.
"Hughes, you miserable old scoundrel!", cried Angus, as we followed him to the garden, "I labor constantly to maintain this landscape without chemicals and you know it! But despite promising an organic solution, you sneaked out here last night and used a powerful chemical repellant on my pansy beds! Oh, don't bother denying.... I have proof! Whatever poison you used did not kill the rabbits, but look what happened... your chemical made all of their fur fall out! Pathetic! Cruel! Well, Hughes, I hope you are pleased with your wretched self now!"
Dear Abby inspected the pansy beds. Sure enough, scattered among the perky pansies were large clumps of fur! Oh, the horror! Your Abby was aghast at the thought of the poor little nude bunnies shivering somewhere amongst the shrubbery! Suddenly, Hughes began to giggle, and then laugh heartily. Abby was appalled at her butler's callous disregard for the hairless hares!
"Oh Madame, forgive me, but this is beyond comical!" said Hughes. "This is most assuredly not what it seems, Madame -- not at all. Please, look closely at this 'fur'."
Angus, Henri, Raul, Gretchen, and Dear Abby stared solemnly at the flower bed. All but Gretchen, who was not quite as bright as one would hope, began to laugh at the same time. Those little bunnies must have been unusual indeed! Some had gray hair, some brown. But others had longish black hair or curly red hair. Evidently, one of them had been a California blonde -- with platinum highlights (probably foils)!
As it turned out, Hughes had heard that human hair was an excellent natural repellant for rabbits. Hughes had asked his barber to save the hair for him when the salon floor was swept.
Abby still cannot decide which gave more relief -- the realization that there were no pitiful hairless bunnies, or the reassurance that Hughes does not have a malevolent bone in his old British body!
Sadly, this was not a long-term solution to the bunny invasion. Following a Spring shower, Abby's gardens were once more an all-you-can-eat bunny buffet.
Abby
Is there anyway to keep those pesky critters away? I dont want my herbs ending up as a litter box. Id like to take em inside but don't know if I have enough still for a window box or even if I want one with two little babies and a 5 yr old running around. 
