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I officially broke up with my first boyfriend/love of over 4 years last November, but it was basically over for about a year. That made it an easy decision because I had been miserable that last year. He was my best friend for the first three years and we could talk about everything and anything. Then, he started being more secretive and I began to catch him lying. I tried to convince myself that it was just my imagination and possible insecurity because he had moved up to Chicago and we didn't see each other as much anymore. I tried to talk to him to clear the air and he would immediately be defensive, even at a totally innocuous question like "what did you have for dinner last night?" It got to the point where I basically didn't know what we could even talk about anymore. That was the most painful part of the relationship; I lost my best friend. I got more and more depressed; then, something changed soon after Sept. 11th. I was reminded that life was too short and it was time to move on. I wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision, so it took me another month before I made it official. I also wanted a little more time with Theo who was really my ex's dog, but he had lived with me for 3/4 of his life. I knew that my ex wouldn't give me Theo and I realized that I couldn't move on with my own life if Theo stayed with me. Losing Theo was the most heart-wrenching part of the breakup and that's what still makes me cry. I miss Theo everyday, but I don't miss my ex at all. He actually still calls about once a month and asks if I can make him a batch of cookies -- as if!

I'm alone now except for two heaven-sent Australian shepherds (Glory and Pippin), turning 30 in a few weeks and very content. I wouldn't say I'm completely happy because I want children and a family, but I'd say that life is pretty good. I lost a lot of myself with my first love and I'm now rediscovering my own value. I'm just a little worried that I'm liking my independence too much.
 
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